Just venting...

I'm hoping to find new friends who are able to relate and understand me. I've been dealing with Depression, Anxiety, PTSD, etc most of my life. I'm unable, no matter how hard I tried, to get along with anyone. They can't cope with all my mental issues or I end up pushing them away... I can't concentrate, function, or sleep. I always put a fake smile on my face pretending everything is fine but, I've done that for so long, it's not working anymore. I try so hard to fight the voices instead my heart that always tells me how worthless and unlovable I am but they are finally winning. I've never wanted be a burden on anyone, always tried being there for everyone, their happiness is all that I ever cared about. I have tried several times to end it, even ended up in the hospital once when I was still a teenager. I feel like such a horrible person in the whole wide world, that no one cares, loves or want to have in their lives. I wish I would just hurry up and die, so I won't be able to hurt, discourage others. Thank you for taking the time to read about my mess.

[JAYnLA]

You can vent here anytime, Love! We all have a mess that we're dealing with in one way or another. You are not alone.

[Hidden in reply to JAYnLA]

Thank you!

[Hidden]

I think I have PTSD also. My mind seems to do what it wants 🤔

[JAYnLA in reply to Hidden]

Mine too. I was getting a massage an hour ago and I just kept marveling at how my mind was wandering to very negative / sad / scary thoughts... DURING A DAMN MASSAGE. Being able to observe the thoughts without totally being overwhelmed by them (the point of meditation practice) is the key. I'm working on it.

[Hidden in reply to JAYnLA]

Wish I had a quiet place to meditate. My apt is so noisy.

[JAYnLA in reply to Hidden]

You can meditate walking around the block... try the phone app called Bhuddify. They have all kinds of meditations for all kinds of circumstances.

[Hidden in reply to JAYnLA]

Thanks👍🏼

[Hidden in reply to JAYnLA]

Hubby and I try walking everyday it does help a little, as long as the weather corporates.

[Hidden in reply to JAYnLA]

Mine gets me even when I'm sleeping...

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I understand you completely, my mind has always went where I didn't want it to go.

[Marshall64]

Are you on any medication? Have you tried therapy?

You can vent here. Most of us are dealing with similar issues.

[Hidden in reply to Marshall64]

Yes I'm on medications. I have an appointment with a new one tomorrow. Seen one four years ago she ended up moving out of state...probably cause of me lol Then my mom passed away right after that...so here I am.

[Marshall64 in reply to Hidden]

Glad to see that you have your sense of humor (about your previous therapist). To me humor is important.

You are are on the right track with seeing a therapist. I hate (maybe a strong word) hearing people saying that they feel that they are unlovable and worthless. Nobody is worthless and unlovable. I hope your therapist will help you see this. This is a big community. Hopefully you can make friends here that can help you deal with what you are doing through.

[Hidden in reply to Marshall64]

I really couldn't resist saying that I guess though I always try to throw in a little humor every so often, even when I'm crying my eyes out.

Well my first visit with my new therapy went ok considering it was only for an hour...I go back to see him on the first of next month... only time will tell. I'm keeping my fingers crossed...

I have felt that way my entire life....sad to say. Hopefully doc will drill those completely out of my brain eventually lol

Thank you

[HadassahMD]

Thanks for sharing, I am in a hotel and I am upset about not having a safe, decent place to live. My life is too difficult at times. I became depressed after my father and other relatives died. I am just frustrated that I can't be me or I just feel like so much is missing it's hard to function. I am looking for local support but so far I have not found any. I have tried churches, ect. some of those just made me feel so much worse.

[Hidden in reply to HadassahMD]

I'm so truly sorry that your having to go through all that you are.