Hello everyone. I‘m new here. I suffer from anxiety and right now I‘m having a panic attack. I just feel like crying and vomiting and I feel scared of everything. For the past 8 months I‘ve been living with my husband abroad but after coming back to my home country for a holiday I feel like I can‘t go back abroad. It was hard leaving him and now it‘s hard leaving my siblings and I just wish I could do things without feeling scared but everything seems like it‘s the end of the world even when they aren‘t really so.
My anxiety has caused a problem in my marriage. I love my husband so much and he is the best husband anyone could ask for but I can‘t express that to him because I‘m so caught up with my anxiety. He feels hurt and I feel horrible for hurting him and I feel one day he won‘t be able to handle it anymore and just leave me. But I don‘t know what to do. I wish I would just disappear. I wish I had never existed in the first place.
There‘s so many other things on my mind I don‘t know where to start.
I just hope to talk to anyone here who can help me feel understood and not alone. I feel so lonely.
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KaySd
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Hello KaySd. You’re definitely not alone- know that. I’ve recently begun having crazy anxiety that seems to be taking over my life every day. I hate that constant feeling that something is seriously wrong with me.
You say you feel scared about everything. Is there one specific fear you associate with everything or does each instant your in bring a new fear? When did the anxiety begin? Have you sought out any help?
Don’t feel discouraged, you’re amongst a community of people who have felt just as you’ve felt and you will get through this.
Well I‘ve noticed that I started to get anxiety over every little thing after two events: my dad passing away and my marriage. I was very close to my dad and finding his body in the bathroom after he had had a heart attack is something I can never shake off. And I married someone from a different background... something that never phased me but none of my family approved of it other than my siblings. The rest made me feel like I was committing a crime by marrying him just because he is of a different background. Ever since then I started imaging the worst...I would imagine that something bad would happen to my husband, as if someone was out to get him. I would imagine that my siblings would get sick and I wouldn‘t be able to do anything about it. Every decision I make comes with immense fear that it feels better to just not do anything at all.
Going on holiday, applying to a master‘s degree, talking to people, leaving my family, meeting new people all make me feel so scared. Just thinking of them and what could go wrong makes me so nervous: I can‘t breathe, I can‘t eat, I can‘t feel my limbs. It‘s paralyzing
My lovely Kaysd ❤️ you are not alone. What you've explained is very real and extremely traumatic. I suffer with anxiety, PTSD and OCD. Please don't be hard on yourself and expect too much too soon. You're on a journey like all of us here and things take time. I think you need some support and to address the trauma you have suffered. I can't imagine what it must feel like to lose a parent so suddenly let alone to be the one to find them. I'm sorry that happened in your life. You're life isn't over, but it has changed direction XXX I promise that you've already helped so many ppl just by sharing your story. You are brave. You are strong. You are wonderful xxx
Thank you so much for talking to me. I swear I needed this...talking to someone who understands how it feels 💜 I‘ve also been to therapists before but they haven‘t helped so i feel hopeless
Don’t worry, love will never leave you. We are all here for you and all though we all have different situations we can all get though this together. I will pray for you and hope you feel better.
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Very sad and feeling darkness
i do not want to be a mom. 
Ashamed
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