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Anxiety and Depression Support
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My husband hates me

I don't think I could possibly feel anymore depressed or sucidial right now. My husband just told me he hates me, he doesn't care about my feelings because he doesn't love me. And he only married me for our son. I just don't think I could feel any worse. Whenever we fight he always says the most hurtful things but all this at once, my body can't handle this right now. I'm mentally drained , I want so hard to have the perfect family. I want my husband to love me more than anything. But I know he doesn't , he tells me all the time the truth comes out when he's mad. This all started over something ridiculous . I opened a small tub of play dough for my son (non toxic play dough) and after having a wonderful morning playing outside with my son. My husband woke up and I immediately got tense and nervous. He then sees the open play dough and asks " where you even watching him?". This made me angry , sad actually because of course I was watching him. I try so hard to be a good mother and he always seems to find a way to put me down. Sometimes I get sick of it and stick up for myself. He knows I'm having some mental health issues right now , depression and anxiety . And it seems like whenever he's mad at me he always throws the "your crazy" card at me . But I guess it's because he doesn't love me like he said and doesn't care about my feelings. I just feel so lost and alone. I locked myself in my bathroom after I put my son to sleep and I just feel so physically and mentally sick. I want to throw up, cry, and huddle into a ball and call my mom and tell her everything and have her come save me. But I would never tell her these things because it's super embarrassing . I just feel so helpless and hopeless. I have no job and I depend financially on my husband and I only went to high school no college. I can't just walk out and leave. And I still love him despite everything , and I'm mad at myself for how weak I am.

20 Replies
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I know I do not know all the details, but it sounds like you are in an emotionally abusive relationship. You are SO much stronger than you think you are. If you have parents who can help you, please go to them! Your mental and emotional health are so important. Your son needs you to be healthy. You can do this! Women are strong people!!

I know it can be really scary, but one day you will be able to look back and see how strong you were.

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think the only person who should be embarrassed is him. call your mother and tell her everything. bullies really don't like others to know what's going on. you might also want to google 'domestic violence'. keep on forum, we are here to support you.

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I can only imagine how you feel right now. Maybe another woman could give you better advice than I could (because I'm male), but at the least, both of you should be in counseling. This looks like more than just a little spat that got out of hand. If you still love him and want to make your marriage work, you need some counseling help at this time. I wish you the best.

Don't be surprised if he comes crawling back to you with an apology. You certainly deserve one, as that was completely uncalled for.

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I’m really sorry you are in this situation. He sounds like an emotionally abusive asshole. Focus on yourself right now and take care of your son. Don’t think you are so financially dependent on him that you can’t make it on your own. It’s hard, but you’d be surprised how much you can do when you don’t have someone tearing you down all the time.

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Hey girl,

Youre not weak. You're strong for even bringing yourself to be able to talk about it. I have known so many women in my life that have been in abusive relationships both physically and mentally. Leaving is not going to be easy, but you must. You have to protect yourself. If not for you, then for your son. I lost my mother in 2005 to cancer, and I can tell you this as someones son: I would of been very upset if I knew my mother stayed in a relationship like that. You're better than that. I lost a friend in 2008 who took her life because of an abusive guy. There was evidence she changed her mind at the end but it was too late. She was young and beautiful, and he didn't deserve that kind of power. I understand he takes care of you financially, but this is your life, and as far as we know we only get one. Do not give away anymore of your time to someone who does not deserve you.

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you need to get away from that guy. he is super toxic dickhead. no one deserves to be treated this way.

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I don't think your husband is mentally healthier than you at all. Reach out for help - your parents or church or support groups. Don't feel embarrassed. You just need help.

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OIt takes a strong person to go through a marriage and marriages go through many phases. Is he a good father? Is there something going on in your husbands life He seems to be taking it out on you. You can always start to prepare yourself to leave and at the same time see if it’s fixable Pam

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I've been exactly where you are. PLEASE Consider leaving him. Find your place of support (maybe family? Friend?, Local Agency?) and begin to plan your escape. You are being abused. Your son deserves more than that as well. If he has issues he needs to work on, he can do that on his own if he wants things better. Chances are He won't. With support you can have a good life for you and your son. Maybe get schooling for something youd like to do. Its scarey, I know. But you will feel so much more empowered. Don't be afraid. If youd like to try working you might try STARBUCKS. They're a great company to work for... Just take one step at a time forward. Your son will then have a chance to learn a different way to treat women than what he has been taught. Post with us often. Were here for you.

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I am in agreement with most of the replies. you never know what you are made of until you take action. Call your mother or someone who can support you mentally and possibly physically. Your husband sounds as if he has his own demons. Regardless, you need a break from him. You need to ask yourself, is your son better off away from his dad right now? What behaviors is he learning staying in that environment? Please reply back to this community. We are here for you. Good luck and God bless.

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My heart breaks for you, you are not alone and sadly I have to say I can relate to some of things you were/are expericing! your husband definetly needs some help for him to say that to you sounds like he has serious anger needs his own healing and therapy! you need love though if your family is available and supportive reach out be honest tell them and please love yourself I know this is even hard to do sometimes when you feel so broken in pieces and alone but you are loved & your son for sure loves you and needs you!!💖🌻🌸🌷🌺💜👩‍❤️‍👩hugs for you!!! I know you said you still love your husband-that is good but maybe love him enough to want better for him and your life together than this unhealthiness and do all you can to get help at least if only for yourself!!

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Please be strong for yourself and your son. It may take time but it will get better. I believe in you.

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I am so sorry for what you are going through. I do not even think we know how strong we are until we actually face the situation. I was married the 1st time when I was 20 and divorced when I was 32. I came from my parents' home into a marriage and had never been by myself. It was scary. My family helped me and I did survive, it was amazing how I did not miss the idiot at all and enjoyed so much the time alone. The process is challenging but trust me you can do it. You and your son deserve better and for the love you have for him.. You will make it. Regarding your husband, it is not worth to live with someone that you must beg them to love you. Best of luck to you!

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I’m so sorry you are going through this. You are not crazy or weak. He should be ashamed of himself. I understand not being able to tell your mother because I am the same way. I’ve been struggling with anxiety and depression for some time now but I feel too embarrassed to talk to my mom about it. But really it is nothing to embarrassed about even if we feel that way, so many people go through the same thing. I think that you should try and talk to her so that you can go to her instead of being emotionally abused by your husband because you deserve so much better than that

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Seeking love from those who do not have it to give is a bad habit some of us get into. My wife of 26 years just left and I had to finally realize that she was not meeting my needs so it is good she's gone. Please call a suicide prevention line. Here is one: 1-800-273-TALK (8255) Talk to them and get through this.

You give no indication of how your husband treats you other than when he is mad. If he is a tyrant, you have to escape. There is no other choice. He will destroy you. If you can talk to him, tell him how much he hurts you. Tell him you want to get help for yourself and for you as a couple. There must be some intervention. He is verbally and emotionally abusive and that cannot continue. I hope he is not hitting you. Good luck.

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I agree with the other replies. Leave him. Talk to a lawyer. If you leave he may be required to support you and definitely must provide some support for your son. You will be able to find an entry level job and work your way up. You sound smart.

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i truly understand, the man i live with ,i might as well not exist,he uses the word 'always' a lot,if you make a comment that annoys its YOU ALWAYS kills me, the injustice, we need to tell ourselves part of it is the confinement of the home makes everything more intense, things will be changing one-day,its just difficult times,wishing you a better future ciley

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Have you tried counseling? It worked for me!

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Divorce him, get child support. Move on you shouldn't have to live like this.

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As much as you're hurting, you need to think of your son, too, and what he is learning by seeing you and your husband like this. I agree with everyone else: your husband is abusive and getting away from him is the best thing you can do for yourself and your son. You can get back on your feet in time, but for now the most important thing is to get into a healthier environment. You can do it it. Call your mom or a crisis line and free yourself. Instead of focusing on your love for your husband who abuses you, think of your love for your son, who is depending on you to give him a peaceful, happy childhood.

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