Very sad and feeling darkness

[Starrlight]

I’m scared because I thought out a plan for just in case. I really couldn’t do it to my family, just leave like that it’s toooo horrible but I can’t stop thinking it would be in case for the future if things come down to it and I know I have to stay but I need to know there’s that out if needed I think. I feel so guilty about it. My husband just disrespected me in a huge way on top of struggling with anxiety and I feel so sad and like he’s a stranger like he’s just not good for me right now. I don’t know how I can be around him well for now I’m staying to myself but it’s 😞 so sad. How can he love me when he hurts me so I can’t even talk about what happened here.

[Hidden]

I have times like that too. I try real hard not to let him dictate my moods or I will be in real trouble. You know who you are and that you are strong and deserve respect. Sorry you're sad.

[Starrlight in reply to Hidden]

❤️ thanks Melhall ((((Hug))))

[jkl5500]

It sounds like you two need some counseling. Is that a possibility? Would he agree to do it?

[Starrlight in reply to jkl5500]

I pmed you

[Florida1959]

Sorry you are sad, sounds like you two need some talking therapy, does he understand your journey? You know I love you, so sending healing xxx

[Starrlight]

Thank you so Florida. I really don’t think we will as we’ve gone before but he thinks it didnt help. One reason why it didn’t because the behaviors are not changed. I just want to keep my distance from him for now.

I’m so depressed

[Catwoman2018]

Oh Starrlight, I'm sorry you are so sad and feel down. You can message me anytime if you want to talk, I'm here for you. Sending you big (( hugs )) and lots of love. xx

[Starrlight in reply to Catwoman2018]

I will pm you thanks ❤️

[Quest4peace]

My deep sympathies are with you. I know too well the ways that a toxic relationship can add to depression/anxiety. I’m glad you’re coming here to vent and get the support you need. Stay strong

[Starrlight in reply to Quest4peace]

Well I don’t think we have a toxic relationship. Its mostly beautiful and all couples fight some time. It’s not toxic and most always the problem comes the same which my husband is yet to fix.

[Quest4peace in reply to Starrlight]

Well that’s great then. Good luck

[Starrlight in reply to Quest4peace]

Sorry hope I didn’t offend you it’s just struck a great pain in me you saying it’s a toxic relationship because I’ve worked very hard on this relationship.

[Quest4peace in reply to Starrlight]

Not at all. Sorry to assume that

[Starrlight in reply to Quest4peace]

Oh no it’s okay ❤️

[Hidden in reply to Starrlight]

That sounds healthy...

[JEG325]

I am sorry I wasn't here for you earlier. I didn't sleep and was making a last ditch effort to get some rest. But, I am here now. You can reach me all day today. Please do so whenever you need to talk. I am wishing for you to have as blessed of a day as possible!

[newbie1956]

Star,

Fear causes anger which likely is proof that your husband cares.

In other words, he senses your deep anxieties and it hurts him that he can't make things better.

As you say, he's basically a good man. You really need each other. Not to mention the children. Hugs

[Starrlight in reply to newbie1956]

Thanks for your input ❤️

[aaronm]

Do you see a psychiatrist or a therapist? If so you should call tomorrow and get an appointment. If not, you should start ASAP. You have a lot of people who care for you on here (me for one) and it breaks my heart that a friend like you is suffering so. Stick around and stay in touch please. I hope you start feeling better soon.

[Starrlight in reply to aaronm]

Yes I’m seeing them both next week. I think this is my fault though I mean I added to the pain by drinking but I’m straightening myself out resting and appreciating your kind words.

[Hidden]

Star light, star bright. 😔💫✨🙏🏼 Please forget the plan. Forget everything you thought. I’m really worried about you. I hope you’re okay. Please keep fighting. I love you. I’m here if you need me. Xoxoxoxo

[Starrlight in reply to Hidden]

I’m worried but trying to just be healthy be smart let myself rest and get breaks for a while I’m so tired in many ways. Thanks for being here amazing mermaid.

[NCAQuilter]

It is really hard when our loved ones don't get it. I feel so sorry that your husband doesn't understand. But you say he is a really good guy. So you do have that going for you, and it is really a blessing.

i would encourage you to try couples counseling, again. Just because it didn't come up to expectations the first time isn't an indication it won't work now. Even if he goes but doesn't participate, you both may benefit from the experience. By listening to you talk to the counselor he may understand more about you, and your depression, and that is the point. Maybe he feels that counseling will show him he's wrong and has to change. If that were the case, I wouldn't want to go, either! More often, though, counseling brings understanding. With understanding comes tolerance, and then comes solutions. With him understanding some about your depression, and you understanding some of his anger, the devastating arguments will lessen.

So, go. There is a lot you may gain!

[Starrlight in reply to NCAQuilter]

Thanks ❤️

[mrmonk]

From my previous posts, you have some idea where I've been and headed towards in my own marriage. You have my empathy, friend.

[Starrlight in reply to mrmonk]

Yes. Best to you always and thank you my friend May we endure and be guided to choose what’s best

[Hidden]

I know things feel bad right now but chances are things will turn around again soon you just got to hold on till the better days come back and they will come back, we are here for you, take care have an awesome day, keep in touch let us know how thing go.

[Starrlight in reply to Hidden]

Yes sounds good

[Made4Match]

Hi Starrlight,

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way right now. These can be such challenging thoughts to experience and work through. On top of this, I'm sorry your husband disrespected you. It can be so hurtful when the person we love the most, hurts us in ways they know attacks us. Have you been able to sit down with him and share how his words and actions hurt you? Have you thought about talking with a counselor together? I often feel having a counselor (like in a marriage and family therapy setting) can greatly help by serving as an equal party. One that can hear both sides without not taking sides.

While you're hurting now, I want you to know you're strong. You're strong for reaching out for help and advice. You're strong for continuing to go on everyday. You're strong for choosing to continue on even when it hurts. YOU ARE AWESOME!

If you'd like to chat privately, I'm here for you.

[Bird-67]

Hi Starrlight,

I have only just found your post.

So sorry you are feeling this way x

I too have had a just in case plan for decades but hope I never ever have to use it and the same goes for you.

I know it’s hard when our husbands seem like they don’t care but I think it’s more they feel helpless and can never fully understand unless they ever experience Depression and Anxiety ( fingers crossed they never do )

I know my hubby loves me to bits ( well he has put up with me for 49 years lol ) but sometimes I feel like you do. When I had a my first experience of the dreaded curse as I call it I found him crying one day as he said he felt so helpless.

I’m here for you as is all your other HU friends (chin up)

XX

[SeaDreamer70]

I am so sorry...I truly understand the dark place you're in. I'm sorry your husband disrespected you... especially when you are feeling so bad. Do you have anywhere you could go to just get away...family or friends house that understand you need quiet time and peace...kind of a vacation from everyday life? I'm actually trying to figure out a way to do that for my self.

Just remember...the darkness will pass. We can't say when but it will. And you are loved. You know the people who truly love and care for you. Please don't do anything permanent...I know it seems like there's no other relief at times...but you are valued and deserve respect and happiness. You have helped me...a total stranger today...just letting me know I'm not in this battle alone. Hang in there...the light will shine again. Sending love and hope for healing to you. 💜

[Starrlight in reply to SeaDreamer70]

You are beautiful. And you are so right- it passes... that darkness...today I am struggling a bit with fear from the anxiety but I created and tried out a new exercise regimen and I feel kind of okay.

I am sorry you are in the battle too and thank you for sharing I’m glad we are not alone, my friend.

[SeaDreamer70 in reply to Starrlight]

Bless your dear heart...I'm so happy to hear you've found something that helps you...that is wonderful! I've actually taken up swimming at an indoor pool...and it really helps...but some days I just can't make myself go. I do understand...and thank you for your kind words to me. We will find our way out of this one day. And the light will shine again. Take care of YOU...and keep moving forward my friend. 💜

[Starrlight in reply to SeaDreamer70]

((((((((Hug))))))))) the light will come and go and I am trying so hard to find the light inside to trudge through the mud until the sun shines. P.s. happy swimming!!!

[SeaDreamer70 in reply to Starrlight]

Thank you...and Big Hugs back to you! You are doing great, because you're fighting... trudging through! Keep moving forward. The sun will shine again...in your soul and all around you...and you can just bask in it's warmth and light! 🌞💗

[Runningfargal]

I know where you are coming from, it’s scary. I’ve planned my own back ups “just in case”. It’s a slippery slope, please reach out. I have a loving husband too, but one that I think doesn’t want to know what is going on so he can pretend it doesn’t exist and all is fine. It feels very, very lonely. Hang in there Starrlight.

[Starrlight in reply to Runningfargal]

Runningfargal, that’s tough my friend. You are not alone. Pm me any time. Thanks for your reply.