New here: My Depression and Anxiety wrecked my relationship

Hi everyone, looking for some love and support in one of the darkest times of my life.

My boyfriend broke up with me two days ago because he couldn't handle my depression and anxiety and could no longer give me the support that I need.

Over our 8 months we went through a repetitive cycle of me having anxious and depressive episodes, him not knowing what to do then lashing out at me for what I would say or do, then making up and it happening over again. We are young I'm 20 and he's 19.

Every time my anxiety and depression twisted my thoughts and made me see the worst everything I apologised for it. I was grateful for him being there. However, he could never fully forgive me for the hurt I caused him despite me trying to explain why I did those things.

Over the last month I have made tremendous progress, building new friendships, concentrating on my studies. I have also started medication and undergoing CBT.

Despite these improvements he can't appreciate them fully because of all the hurt that has happened in our relationship. I feel completely to blame and I hate him for giving up on me.

We are both at university, he lives in a house and I live in halls. I felt for a while that he didn't care for me much anymore, he just wanted to be with his friends all the time.

He wasn't there for me when I was down and anxious. One night he couldn't handle it and went out clubbing and ignored all my calls. I even gave him distance so that he could have his independence back as he felt that I was taking it away. However, when I took that time to build on myself he lashed out at me for not spending more time with him.

I shared some literature on mental health with him and he took the time to read it to understand what I'm going through this felt really positive. However, when I called him over one night when I was depressed he comforted me and was absolutely amazing but the next day he accused me for being ungrateful and angry at him for leaving in the morning - when I was not. I myself had classes to go to. He told me that it was wrong of me to expect him to be there for me all the time. This leaves me devastated as for me it surely should be instinct to be there for someone when they are down.

He saw me after saying this and ended the relationship. He broke down, cried and said he just couldn't handle it and that he wasn't sure if he could be in love with me anymore.

He says that he wants to be friends and see me get better and then who knows. He says he is too young to deal with these problems. I am struggling to understand how he could lose his love for me when I have worked so hard. I have so much love for him still and think about him all the time but he can't give me what I need. I don't know whether I should allow him to be in my life or cut him off completely.

He is my best friend and we had talked everyday for almost a year. I feel like my heart is broken. I also feel very confused as I am on antidepressants and they are numbing how I feel, I want to cry and I just can't.

23 Replies

  • Hi jo,

    I just read your post because you were helping me, and I want to help you

    After reading this I just realised how similar our situation is,

    But I decided to block my ex off everything because he said he didn't see a future with me, I obviously love him so much and I would have done anything to do with him, and he knows that, but he still gave up so I had to move on and I had to block him and it has helped a lot

  • My ex told me the same. That he couldn't see a future with us together because of all the pain I have caused. I have I unfriended him on Facebook and unfollowed him on instagram. I feel like he won't reach out or realize how much he has hurt me.

  • He realises it

    But he is a guy

    They are selfish you should give up and have faith there will be someone there

  • Thank you

    He is so selfish

    He knows how alone I am and he has done this anyway

  • My ex and friends and family have done the same to me

  • I don't understand how people can do this. It's not either of our faults they just can't be bothered to understand how mental illness affects people.

    I'm sorry to hear they have done that to you you do not deserve it. They aren't worthy of you.

  • It's sad isn't it idk what to do

  • Move on, accept it and find better people

    That's what I'm going to do. He's cut out of my life forever. He doesn't see the real me anymore and he doesn't deserve to see me at my best.

  • You are very true, we are both going to do this

    People will only stay in our lives if they want to, we can't force anyone

    If it's meant to be then it will be

  • Exactly we'll do it together x

  • I will talk to you again let me know how your day goes tomorrow

  • I will let you know good luck with counselling x

  • Thank u for the support! @Marato men can be assholes sometimes

  • Yea, just cut him out of your life. Trust me, trying to be friends is only gonna make u feel worse! It took me like 2 years to completely cut off my ex, the one who told me to get help. Try to get yourself into a routine such as exercising, getting a part time job, doing community service, etc. it helps a looot to distract! :)

  • The exact same thing has happened in all of my relationships. I have been single for 5 years. The last guy who I called my boyfriend told me I had to get help. My brother has also told me to get help. I know my family cares about me and I’m glad they are still there for me after all we have been through. I don’t have depression I have anxiety but they are very similar. If I were you I would consider a therapy session to discuss it with a mental health specialist if you can. Trust me it’s not good to keep it inside.

  • Thank you so much for your comment. I'm gonna bring it up at my next therapy session x

  • You’re welcome sweetie I hope u feel better! I know it’s hard! I didn’t understand why my ex left me either but he said he couldn’t deal with the drama and I know it was my fault he is a good guy

  • I don't think it was your fault. These things are out of our control no one is to blame x

  • Exactly it’s the chemical inbalance and everyone expresses themselves differently. I can’t wait to start meds and therapy and see if I find something that helps!

  • 100% It affect how you act and you feel as if you have no control! I hope you find what works for you - I have recently started medication and I've found it works very well x

  • I act and feel similarly to you but I am waiting for my diagnosis. Doc prescribed me Vistaril for anxiety I will start it tommorrow. What medication are u on? My siblings have anxiety too and were prescribed zoloft

  • I am on Zoloft! That sounds fantastic a step in the right direction x

  • Thanks! :-)

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