Recently went to outpatient center for depression and anxiety due to chronic pain. Now have additional pain and depression is severe again🙁

[alum411]

I’m not sure how to even explain the depth of my depression. My path down this dark whole began about July 2015 when my Dad had quadruple bypass. Then soon after I got my first diagnosis of HPV. By December I started having severe bleeding in my urine and had emergency surgery. Was diagnosed with rare bladder tumor that could come back at any time. February had follow up surgery bc I was bleeding so bad from first surgery. Then a cousin ODs soon after she is in her 20s and it was an open casket. Had nightmares for months. One of the most important to me and influential my grandmother unexpectedly dies. I just recently have gotten out of mourning her. Soon after I started having unexplained pain in pelvic area that continued to increase. Went to over 10 specialists. Finally diagnosed myself with PFD. Forgot to mention I have severe IC that is now much worse due to bladder surgeries. Then in October I got thyroid cancer and had thyroid removed. At the same time my dad had kidney transplant and I couldn’t go bc of my surgery. My PFD continued to worsen. I tried pudendal nerve shots no help. Hundreds of Botox shots which escalated pain. Then I was diagnosed with herpes. Then another bladder at some point. Have basically been bed ridden for months at a time due to pain. Then saw GI doctor and diagnosed with gastroenteritis which means I will basically have to be on high dose antacids forever. That combined with thyroid medicine is pretty much guaranteeing me osteoporosis. Lastly I had multiple kidney stones had procedure to help them pass and had a stint put in which caused extreme pain. This final procedure did me in emotionally. I just couldn’t face the reality of my life. The multiple lifelong illnesses I’m now faced with I basically don’t want to face. I went to the treatment center to try and accept my situation and ended up leaving early due to my pain and then this new problem arises and no one can figure out what is wrong. So no answers. Also yesterday found out I have abnormal Pap smear so have to get a biopsy in a couple weeks. All this and I am 40 years old. Prior to December 2015 I was extremely healthy and a athlete who could do triathlons, loved to run, etc. now my life is completely 180....... My therapist recommended I post for support so if you are reading this thank you for taking the time. Any empathy would be appreciated. My family tries to help but they have no idea how much pain I’m in and why I’m emotionally devastated......

[Hidden]

Imagines with my happy childhood play in front of my eyes. When time passed and I grew up I was more and more unhappy, with physical manifestation of depression and anxiety. Today I'm lost in this life, feeling that I missed my purpose somewhere in the road of life.