Depressed Spouse support

[lonelypartner]

Hi

I am very tired of living with a sick person. It is so exhausting. It’s been four bad years. Yes things have improved but it’s sooooo slow. He is medicated. He did ECT. We have couples therapy. I have a therapist. He has a psychologist and psychiatrist.

But I am so sick of having a good day at work and then coming home to his crappy mood, nothing done in the house and a kid who isn’t getting the father he deserves.

I’m trying really hard. I’m doing my self care. But I am so tired of my husband getting so little done yet being so fragile, sensitive and scared. My work and my life is suffering. I hate that I love this man. I wish I didn’t love him anymore.

[jasmineclaire]

That sucks. So badly. I’ve been there and sometimes find myself back there. I can relate on a sort of different level, but the lonely partner aspect with a child, I get it

[Timmypliskin]

Does he work? Or on disability?

4 years is a long time.

Been there

[lonelypartner in reply to Timmypliskin]

Unemployed. Worked about 4 months in 2017 as a contractor. He has not worked enough years of his life as W2 to qualify for disability. Also keeps saying soon he will apply for work.

[Kat63]

I know - I’ve been on both sides of this. I’ve been the depressed/sick person, and I’ve been the partner of the depressed/sick person.

It’s so hard when you realize you can’t fix them. You can do every thing you can think of, but if they aren’t ready....they just aren’t ready. And you can’t force that.

[lonelypartner]

Feeling a little better today. I realized last night I was very angry. I thought I was angry at my husband but I was angry at his disease.

[lonelypartner]

Thanks for sharing. You are so right. My frustration makes him feel worse. That’s why I try really hard not to show it to him. Also the days I am overwhelmed w frustration are few. Most days my frustration is fleeting and I am able to “not sweat the small stuff” because I have a wonderful loving husband. Divorce is of course an option. Right now, I am too in love to consider that.

[Hidden in reply to lonelypartner]

I would try to write him a letter. Something he can reread so that when he’s down, and needs reassurance, he’ll have that. I know it’s hard (I’ve been really hard to be around with my anxiety) but my god.. I don’t know what I’d do without my boyfriend.

Maybe consider sitting with your husband, too, and asking what he needs. Look at jobs together. Maybe offer to pick him up after his first day and grab dinner. I know money must be tight with him out of work.. I’m not a therapist but I think on the hardest days I’ve had, I needed someone and didn’t want to ask because I don’t want to be a burden.

He loves you, too. He wants to get better, even when the progress isn’t there.

Does he exercise? Sleep enough? Endorphins really do help... Even just walking helps.

For the days that I was too anxious to leave bed, my boyfriend would come up with tasks for me to do. The smallest things seemed enormous. But doing things together on a time crunch really helped.

Let me know if you need to talk x

[lonelypartner]

So much love to you. Thank you for sharing.