Feeling so, so alone

[laurenmontgom]

I‘m feeling so much more alone than usual. I don’t talk to my friends nearly as much as I used to (often times it feels like they’re avoiding me), and my immediate family just isn’t there for me. My brother and I used to be close, but once the depression got worse and worse, he all but disappeared from my life. He never calls, he never texts, never contacts me in any way; I’m always the one to reach out to him. And maybe it’s selfish, but it hurts that he knows how badly I’m doing and yet he never checks in or asks how I’m doing. It’s like there’s no room for me in the lives of my loved ones. I’m afraid that because I’m so sick, the people in my life just think of me as a burden, as a nuisance. Whenever I need to vent to a friend or to my brother, all I can think is, “they’re so sick of you complaining and bothering them with your bullshit. They’re getting tired of you and will leave you behind.” I used to be this funny, sarcastic, thoughtful person and now, I feel like the only thing I am is sick. Like I have nothing to offer anymore and the people around me are scattering because they’re tired of depressed Lauren. And a part of me doesn’t blame them, and I understand that it can be difficult to deal with someone with a mental illness, but I want to feel like I’m worth just as much to my friends and brother as I was when I wasn’t struggling. And I definitely don’t feel that way anymore.

[XoxoFaith]

Ian totally here for you as I feel the same way all I can just think of is my depression and anxiety everyday is a new symptom and I don’t talk to nobody either only had one friend and she’s always busy

[Ladybug9]

Nothing upsets me more than abanonment. Especially from family! And many friends you will find, just don't know what to do and feel helpless. You have every right to feel hurt. Don't dismiss your feelings as they are real! Maybe they need to remember the person you use to be and help you become that person again instead of rejecting you! I am extremely blessed because my family and friends know all of my health issues, both mental and physical and no one has ever abandoned me because of them. In fact, because I'm also bi-polar, my son knows when I'm manic and will say, "so, a bit manic today are we?" and just smiles. I'm sorry, but I DO blame them! Damn it, they need to educate themselves about what you have to go through each day. Do they really think you woke up one morning and said, " I think I'll spend my life depressed!" No, it is NOT difficult to deal with someone who is depressed. It just takes understanding and compassion. PERIOD> We are here for you and never should you feel alone again!!

[marsdream]

I am sorry that you feel alone and isolated. First, go get help. There is help for depression and anxiety so you can go and talk with a counselor or pastor. Once that you're on the road to getting help, then making new friends would be a next step. You also have to know what your comfort level is with meeting up with people in the age of covid. The struggle with sadness, depression and anxiety hits a lot of people a various times in their lives; don't think that you have to walk that road alone. You can make it through, but it takes some work. You can get through this laurenmontgom! It was good that you came on this forum to ask for advice.

[laurenmontgom]

Thanks so much, everyone. I’ve gotten used to dismissing my feelings because I think I’m being irrational or dramatic. But my therapist tells me all the time that I need to see my feelings as valid, and that being sick doesn’t negate my feelings. I’d like for my friends and family to treat me like a normal person (not avoid me because they feel helpless) and know that while I’m not always pleasant to be around, I’m trying as hard as I can. I’d just like the people in my life to have more empathy.

[Hidden]

A lot of times friends are around for the good times but then when something bad happens or you're going through severe depression, a lot of them bail out. I don't know why some people are like this, but that's happened to me way too many times. But not everyone is like that. And I think some people really do care but after a certain point they can't handle it because I think in some weird way they probably have issues going on themselves and they might feel like they can't take on yours too. Friends aren't therapists, it's a different dynamic. I happen to have bipolar disorder and my ex did too. In some ways it was good we had each other because we really understood each other and if we're both depressed we would just lie down and hold each other, that was nice. But there were MANY times with him where I felt like, I need a break from you and I can't listen to this anymore- type of feeling. I think it's not that some people don't care, but you do have to be careful sometimes and not overwhelm other people. And you don't have to talk everyday to someone. I recently lost a good friend and I don't know if I should try to reach out to her again. I'm a little angry with her but I still miss her and I'm not sure if I should try to send her a text or just stay away for good. I'm not good at keeping friends, sometimes I don't know how to patch things up or how they really feel.