Very Bad Day

[Sadanxiousspirit76]

Today was a very bad day! It started normal. Then I got a panic attack from Hell! I started to shake, so I sat down. My chest started to hurt. I got very dizzy. I had to close my eyes because when they were open, the room felt like it was closing in and I saw flashes of white light. Then I balled. When I calmed down, I texted work, but not my boss. I clawed him after I got up. I never told him about depression or anxiety due to the fear if him firing my ass! I have been diagnosed with depression. It's been rough lately. I feel burnt out! I'm a Massage Therapist. I've been doing this for 13 years. I'm presently going to school for my Masters of Science in Counseling for Mental Health Counseling, and I love it! I feel like I'm worthless for not going to work, but I didn't feel safe to drive, or that I would benefit my clients. Anyone else ever feel like this, or am I alone as I feel?

[Autumn822]

You are definately not alone.

I had a rough day too..needed to work felt awful..didnt get much done..no sleep last night..which makes it worse.

Congratulations on your new career choice..hang in there. There will be good days and bad...and i believe yours are gonna get better!

[Sadanxiousspirit76 in reply to Autumn822]

Thank you. It's good to hear that.

I've been told to avoid using "I" statements because "It's not about you." How I feel affects how well I can take care of someone else!

I only get paid per massage. I have days where my schedule is sparse. I call people, and either they can't because they are busy, or get them elsewhere. I am usually ok with rejection, but lately, it's almost paralyzing for me to call people about apts.

I think that with my experiences, good and bad, I will be able to help a lot of people. I have a job interview on Friday for another position. It offered health insurance and full time. I'm crossing my fingers that this is a good move for me!

Thanks again!

[AZ1970]

I’m studying for the same field. I hit burn out a few years ago and had to stop working. When your body starts to send you strong signals, it’s time to listen. Plus you need to be well for your new profession.

[Sadanxiousspirit76 in reply to AZ1970]

Thank you. My boyfriend understands. I just hope my boss does!

[Oneseedatatime]

You mention that you are burned out. Is this the root of your anxiety?

What calmed you down?

Good for you for having such insight and taking action to make changes in your life!

Do you do things that relieve stress throughout the week or weekend?

For example, my best friend and I go to dinner 1 x a week to decompress, process the week, and I take 1 day of my every weekend to do something solely for me like take a nature walk/hike, ride my bike, and or work on a DIY project like I did today. I am now re-energized for the week to come and see the blessings in my struggles such as having employment, my safety, my health, my home, my daughters, my Mom, a car, food, friends, etc...My problems don't go away but my perspective changes so I can face and tackle my problems

What are some of your blessings?

[Sadanxiousspirit76 in reply to Oneseedatatime]

My anxiety has to do with leaving one job to another, and not have enough money for bills. I didn't plan as well as I had hoped. I was in a field that was stagnet for me. I was burned out from that. Going to work everyday made me cry. I'm working it out day by day. I have time to readjust and start this new chapter. Plus school is helping me cope. Thank you for the suggestions!

[Oneseedatatime]

Oh Ok, understandable. I have had that experience, for years and I agree it is gut wrenching. I used to leave my house in the morning and by the time I got to work I would cry in the parking lot before I walked in asking God to free me from the hell. Time went on and I received good counsel although I did not think so at the time because it was nothing “tangible” or at least I thought. It got so bad I would cry at work then think about how I could not cry because people were going to see me. I tried applying for other jobs, nothing panned out, I was even more discouraged. I decided that since my situation was not changing, I had nothing to lose by taking my friend’s advice. I prayed about it, and prayed about it, and prayed some more. I asked God what He wanted to teach me, what He wanted to do through me....to make my long story short: my perspective changed, my heart changed, I literally began to think differently, I was humbled and grateful I had employment at all! I trusted that if I surrendered to God’s lead I would not have to be afraid of Him keeping me there because if He did I knew He would fill me with joy in whatever He deems best for me!