Bad day

[Lilly-r-88]

Hi

I just joined, I feel so alone and I really need someone to talk to that can understand what I'm going through. I have depression and anxiety, I'm taking depression pills but I still have bad days and ok days. Today is a bad one, I feel very confused and alone. I have an 8 month old that I adore, and I love her so much that I feel so much pressure to do everything right, following her schedule also makes me feel a lot of pressure and I can't tell this to anyone because of course they tell me that's what you're supposed to do with babies or they tell me to not feel like this. I wish I could take a break but at the same time I don't want to miss anything with my baby. I'm going to a psychiatrist, that I don't really love but it's the only one available in the city, and there's nothing else I want to take because I know depression pills make you gain weight (made me gain more than 40lbs in the past) and that makes feel worse. I feel sorry for my baby for having me as a mom and that's the worst feeling in the world, she's a great little girl and she deserves the best, but with this illness it's hard for me to go out, I've managed to lose all the friends I've had and I don't really talk to anyone other than my husband and my parents. I think about suicide a lot, I feel like I have to talk to myself out of that idea too much and it's hard and exhausting to be trying so hard to be just ok or not as bad. I really don't understand how easy it is for other people to feel happy

If there's other moms with depression out there I really need advice on how to manage this or how to get out of this dark hole

[Caroljean1]

Hello!

I'm so sorry that you are feeling this way. I'm not a new mom, so I can't relate to that, but I have felt so worthless most of my life. So I sure know what that feels like and I have anxiety also. Plus a host of medical issues. Some are side effects caused by necessary meds

Do you have anyone local that you can talk to? Maybe take an afternoon off from parenting? It's a hard job! Sounds like you could use some time just for you. Also, your meds may not be working. How long have you been on the anti-depressant? It usually takes a while for them to work.

I'm attaching a link for an article I read yesterday about anxiety with some things you can do that might help. Just a suggestion....

changemanifesto.com/how-i-o...

Hope you feel better soon.

Kind regards,

Carol

[Lilly-r-88 in reply to Caroljean1]

Hi carol thank you for replying to my post I wish I could take a break but even if I could I would be worrying and feeling guilty for doing so. When I think about doing it I get into a circle of thoughts of doing it and not doing it that it becomes easier to just keep doing what I'm doing. I know, my head is a mess and I overthink everything. Sadly there's no one to talk to here, my husband is a great support but he doesn't understand how I feel and he works all day. I've been taking this medication for around 5 months and it has kept me somewhat stable but not great, I still have bad days or even bad hours. I'm honestly terrified of adding anything else to the treatment because I'm so afraid of gaining weight. I also take pills as I need them for anxiety but sometimes they work sometimes they just make me sleepy. I will read the article thank you so much. Also I'm sorry you feel like that and your medical issues, I'm sure that alone can give you anxiety or make you feel depressed. I hope everything gets better

[Sadsack80]

Hi Lilly. I'm a mom suffering from depression also. I have a 16 year-old and a 2 year old. I haven't been able to live up to all my own expectations either. And I SO identify with the pressures you refer to. They come at us from EVERYWHERE...but most of the damage is done from the pressures we put on ourselves. I'm so sorry you are struggling so much, and I wish I had a great answer to give. But all I can say is, I struggled too, I had moments of great functionality, moments of almost no functionality, I feel like I failed a lot...but my kids are still happy and healthy. I have the knowledge that I really do just keep trying (and still sometimes failing) to combat the guilt that would eat me alive otherwise. Hang in there. You can do it. It doesn't have to be perfect, and it doesn't always have to look graceful and pretty. Just keep trying.

[Lilly-r-88 in reply to Sadsack80]

Thank you so much for sharing this with me it means a lot to me to read that your kids are doing well and are happy even though you have depression. You're right I do put a lot of pressure on myself and I also feel a lot of guilt for a lot of reasons. Thank you for telling me it doesn't have to be perfect, I know it but hearing it from another mom makes me believe it more. How are you doing now? How do you manage your depression if you don't mind me asking

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I'm sorry to hear about your troubles. You do need a break from your child, a babysitter is necessary, of course. Now I know why I've gained a little weight, the antidepressant, or a reasonable excuse.