Difficult day

[Tanklove]

I am having a tough day. I’m coming to terms with losing the love of my life after 5 years. I messed things up and didn’t give him what he deserved. I couldn’t love myself or even like myself so I couldn’t show him how important he was and is. Losing him has been my rock bottom and showed me I have something wrong. I spent years not knowing I suffered from mental illness. It’s no excuse but it ruined my relationship as it made me into a shell of a human and I wasn’t the real me anymore. I started with seeing doctors and have been diagnosed with Persistent Depressive Disorder with major depression bouts as well as mild anxiety. I have come a long way in a month...I’m on meds, I’m in therapy, I understand my illness and actually know it’s there now. I didn’t know before and it took the greatest love of my life away.

Anyway today I am coming to terms with the fact that it’s over. He’s done with me. I am having to move and face this mental illness. The stress is takin it’s toll as I have lost a lot of weight but at the same time my depression is getting better. I’m very strong and I will kick depressions ass.

Sorry to ramble....hard day for me and I guess I needed to know I’m going to be ok 😊

[FightorFlight11]

I am sorry you are going through this, but at least you now know what is wrong and are getting help for it. I guess him slowly accepting you back into his life now that you are actively tackling the problem is out of the question?

[Tanklove in reply to FightorFlight11]

It’s out of the question. The damage is done and I can’t go back and repair it. I will always love him and I know he loves me but he has to do what’s best for himself. The future may hold another chance for us and I truly pray for that day. In the meantime I’m focused on my recovery through this depression and know I’m becoming a better person - I’m becoming the me I once was again and that feels so good. Thank you for reaching out, means a lot as it’s nice when people understand what mental illness does to a person.

[FightorFlight11 in reply to Tanklove]

Well I wish you the best of luck in your journey back to your true self. I am working on doing the same thing and it is not easy, especially while in a relationship.

[Tanklove in reply to FightorFlight11]

Are you currently in a relationship now?

[FightorFlight11 in reply to Tanklove]

I am and it is difficult because we both suffer from mental illness. She is currently in a very dark place. I'll give you the link to my post from a few days ago that will fill you in, if interested. If you can offer any advice, especially since you were on her side of the equation, I would greatly appreciate it. I am also here any time you need to bend an ear, blow off steam, etc. I find that talking to others helps when I feel lost and hopeless....like today.

[Tanklove in reply to FightorFlight11]

I read your post. I’m sorry that your dealing with this. I was in her place, I felt terrible inside but I wasn’t aware of why I felt this way. I couldn’t sort through the tangle of mess in my own head to see anything going on around me. I want to think about my advice to you a bit. I promise to write back very soon just want to make sure I say what’s honest and from my heart and not fueled by my hurt and personal pain.

[FightorFlight11 in reply to Tanklove]

I really appreciate that.

[FightorFlight11]

healthunlocked.com/anxiety-...

[ang95]

i'm sorry to hear that, i understand what u're going through, i have someone in my life right now and he's dealing with depression so he doesn't talk to me mush and doesn't check on me and all.. i have been through that, actually i'm still strugelling with it but i'm better, i used to lock myself in the room and do nothing but crying and fighting all the thoughts and hate towards myself, i didn't even talked to my bff, i pushed people away but luckely they understood what i have been through and i had them back

for now focus on urself,love urself and fight that depression and anxiety.. there's more happiness in this world that u deserve so keep it up

i know it's not easy but try to keep moving forward.. everytime i look back i see a foggy past because i wasn't moving anywhere in my life so my advice would be "try ur best to keep it going"

[Knowone]

You will be ok. The heart mends, It will love again. You're on the right path, love yourself first. Take care of YOU first. everything will follow...