Today has been the official worst day in my entire life suffering with this illness. The overwhelming feeling of dread and sadness it almost to much to bear. I am close to god and I know I couldn’t make it through this without him but that doesn’t take away the pain in my heart and the pressure on my brain.
I am moving out of our home this Sunday night to a friends house as my wife wants to separate.
My head is so confused I can’t think clearly.
Everything seems to be a trigger right now that results in uncontrollable crying, hopelessness and helplessness. If I see my wife it’s a trigger, if I look at my 6 or 4yr old it’s a trigger, if I think of leaving Sunday it’s a trigger on and on and on...
I have a very important job at my company and I have to maintain my composure and right now that seems to be an impossible ask. I left early today at noon to come home and cry and cry and I’m taking tomorrow off so I can have some time to get some belongings together. I have a meeting with my CEO next week and I have to pull it together by then.
I know god wants us to go through times of suffering so he can bring us closer to him for a purpose and so we come out on the other side of this a changed person. So I remain faithful as I couldn’t do this without him.
Posting on this site gives me an outlet as I know we are all suffering in similar ways and unless you have experienced this horrific illness you could never understand it true grasp it can have over your entire physical and mental being.
Thanks for letting me vent as I try to just get through the next couple of hours.