losing the fight.

I currently feel like I am losing myself, losing this fight of my life to my mental illness.

I am coming off one of my medications, I have just finished coming off another. I'm living in a hostile environment with my dad being emotionally/mentally abusive and I don't know what to do. I'm looking for somewhere to go, but It's hard because I need to take my cats. I'm so lost on what to do, and I don't know how long I can keep fighting my demons for.

I am one more bad mood, emotion, thing away from just giving in.

It hurts and frustrates me that my mum is so blinded by the abuse after being use to it all these years. And that she doesn't see it for as serious as it is and how it's affecting me. It's killing me, literately!

I don't know how much more I can take, I don't know what to do.

[Hidden]

Hi jseex, Our situations sound so very similar. I am now 38 years old, and the emotional abuse from my father has affected me all my life. My mother passed when I was 6, and my father and stepmother turned a blind eye to my depression and just mistreated me. Please know you are not alone! There are others who can relate and sympathize with you. Please do not give up. I am new to joining this forum, but I have had a very positive experience thus far and I am hoping I can find solace in talking with others, and help them as well. If you would like to talk further please let me know. I will be glad to be a friend and just listen. I know what a difficult predicament you are in. Try to be positive today and just focus on your goal of finding a place you can move to with your pets. Getting out of that situation will do you a world of good I promise. Your mental health issues are real and do not let your father, or anyone else, belittle you because of them. Until you can move out, try to take as best care of yourself as you can and continue working on YOU!

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thank you, I would like if we could talk more

I'm sorry you have had a similar experience, and sorry you lost your mum so young.

It's hard to keep fighting when I don't even know what I'm fighting for anymore. But i'm trying to just get through each day no matter how hard it is.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Just try to take it day by day. If you need to vent I will be glad to listen and be supportive. I know it is very hard. Do not give up, and remember that once you are in a place of your own you will be free from the negativity, and will have your independence. Try to think ahead to some of the things you can do once that goal is met and let that be part of your motivation! Hope you have a good evening

[Hidden]

Hey there, please don’t give up fighting the good fight. I am 26 & living at home again. I get that about your dad, because when my mom is in one of her moods - I am the one she takes it out on. You’re not alone & I really hope you will fight one day at a time because you can overcome this time in your life. One day you’ll look back at this moment & be glad you didn’t give up. I’m here if you need me. <3

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

thank you x

[Desiree_shaw]

I grew up in a hostile environment too. My step mom was the one that was verbally abusive and my dad did not stop her. Ever. I reminded myself that so many people saw me differently than the way she does. I knew I was better than the words she called me. You have to find that reason to fight and hold on to it. Tell yourself EVERY DAY that you are worthy of good things. Of love. Of nice words. Believe in yourself. Prove everyone wrong. That’s what I did. I knew what I was capable of and the potential I had and that was the only way I made it out alive. You have to fight don’t give up

[Hidden in reply to Desiree_shaw]

I'm sorry that your dad didn't even say anything, that's so bad.

I will try that.. don't know if it'll be successful but I can try.

thank you

[fauxartist]

why are you stopping your medications, are they not working....because it sounds like your in a bad place emotionally.....

[Hidden in reply to fauxartist]

just need a med change

[fauxartist in reply to Hidden]

yeah....it is what happens between meds sometimes, we can have extreme moods swings and our depression can actually get worse till we are back on meds that are working for us. Some people are med resistant though.

[Aspergirl47]

jseek....I sympathise so much as I was myself abused at home ...My mother was also abused by my father for years and pretended nothing was wrong...until he physically attacked me aged 14....she acted then but I was already suffering severe depression through everything that had gone on....Please try to take small steps to leave this situation ....I know easier said than done but trust me youre better off alone with your beautiful cats than in an abusive home....and agree..try to take as much care of yourself as possible...Talk anytime u need to...Were all here to support x