My First Post: Going Through A Divorce.

[TheFallenOne]

Going through a divorce. Got rejected when trying to save it. Found out he is interested in someone else. Feel like our marriage was one big lie. Together for 13 years. This happened a month ago. Still fresh and raw. I suffer from mental illness. He acted like it was so easy for him to leave. It’s extremely hard for me and my daughter. I should’ve saw it coming, but I was in denial. It’s honestly too much to type but, I’m just finding it difficult to do things to keep me from thinking about it way too much. I already suffer from depression and anxiety amongst others...it’s just got a lot worse obviously but anyway, this is my first post...going to give this a try. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[TheFallenOne]

I also like to add this as well: I used to be so strong at dealing with stuff. I’ve been through worse things than this in my childhood. Now? I feel like I’m so weak. I am so upset at myself for it but, I know many people have been through it and has got better over time. I know I can eventually move on. Time heals all wounds, but this “time” thing for me is going by so severely slow. It’s hard but I also have to stay strong for my daughter, too. She is hurting too and when she’s hurt I hurt. When she is sad, I’m sad. Anyway, thanks for anyone who has took the time to read all this. I’m trying to vent which is very hard for me to do. Again, thanks.

[WVArcher in reply to TheFallenOne]

I went through it myself. It is hard to deal with. I was married to my college sweetheart for 15 years. We have a son together. Last weekend was the 3 year mark since we separated. I still have extreme lows once in awhile.

I wake up and tell myself that each day is something new. Vent all you like. Feel free to friend me if you want. Sometimes it’s easier to talk about things more one on one. At least I feel that way. It does get easier with time but as you said time moves slowly when you are hurting.

[TheFallenOne in reply to WVArcher]

Thank you WVArcher . I’m so sorry you had to go through the same thing. It’s almost like you lost someone so dear to you, but without a funeral. I felt like I lost my best friend...but I guess I loved him more than me. That’s the worst feeling. Especially when it was unexpected and also finding out he had planned it for a long time. He had to tell me over the phone instead of confronting me face to face. I honestly gave everything I could but unfortunately, it wasn’t good enough and yeah, I’ll friend you. Thanks for taking time to read it and helping out. Again, I’m sorry you went through the same thing. I know it had to be so hard.

[WVArcher in reply to TheFallenOne]

It was difficult. She told me in front of my 8 yr old son. I stepped out to calm down and when I returned he told me he thought I left to be with my new family. Tear flowed like a river. I sank to my knees and held him. There isn’t a day that goes by when I don’t remember that moment because I blamed myself for what happened.

I look back now and see how much better my life has become. I’m a better father to him. I’m a better friend. I’m a better person in general.

[TheFallenOne in reply to WVArcher]

WVArcher , I bet that was extremely difficult. Especially right in front of your son. Thankfully, my daughter was visiting a friend. I had to get out of the house to stay here with my mom until I can get back on my feet. When he told me over the phone, I was shocked because he had never talked so mean to me like that. Ever. After we hung up, that’s when I cried and blamed myself, but I know no relationship is perfect, but I did my very best and all it boils down to is that he found someone else. I can’t make him stay, I can’t make him love me. I tried and pleaded and offered marriage counseling and he said no and he was done. He didn’t shed one tear. He just left like everything was fine and 13 years meant nothing. It’s good that you are there for your son and I’m sure he is grateful for that and a better friend and person. That’s wonderful news. I’m just waiting for my time to get there and find my old self again and be positive. Thanks for sharing your story. It gives me some encouragement that I can get through this, too.

[WVArcher in reply to TheFallenOne]

Except for the delivery of the news, mine went exactly like you said. The biggest shock came a few weeks later when my son said her “friend” was someone she met online. We were big gamers and he was someone I thought had become somewhat of a friend.

It’s good you and your daughter are there to help each other. I’m sure you’re a great mother.

[TheFallenOne in reply to WVArcher]

I’m so sorry to hear that. I know how you feel. He told me the next day after her left he had met a “Friend” and said “No, it wasn’t like that. Just someone to listen.” Like, how was it like then? If he had nothing to hide, he’d tell me who and when they met. And thank you, I hope I am a great mother, I try to be the best one I can be. I needed to hear that, too! 😊

[WVArcher in reply to TheFallenOne]

You got this. You’re strong. That strength was shown when you took the first step and posted here. I’ve not been here long myself. I have noticed everyone is very helpful. Just remember that you control your happiness. He can’t keep you down.

[TheFallenOne in reply to WVArcher]

WVArcher , thanks for the welcome and kind words. It’s good to know that everyone is helpful. That’s really nice to know and of course, I’ll keep that in mind and you’re right, I can’t keep him from keeping me down. 😊

[Michdau1]

Hi and Welcome 🤗 thanks for sharing part of your story. It's brave and it's likely helped at least one other person. We can all relate on some level to the emotions you are feeling even if we haven't experienced the exact same events. You're not alone. It's only been a month so it's really early days. It's going to be hard but don't feel like you're not handling it well. What you're going through is very real and valid. Divorce is heartbreaking and a massive life change. Your daughter is lucky to have you. Glad you're here xxx

[TheFallenOne in reply to Michdau1]

Thank you Michdau1 . I really do hope I can help at least one person and let them know they’re not alone. It is very difficult and this has been a big change for me and my daughter, but I have to stay strong...even going though the the other stuff mentally. Thank you for saying my daughter is lucky to have me. I’m very, VERY lucky and very thankful for her too. If it wasn’t for her, I’d definitely be in worse shape. I’m glad I was able to get out of my shell and vent. I’m glad to be here, too. Thanks again.

[Michdau1 in reply to TheFallenOne]

You're so welcome. I think it's lovely that amongst all the sadness and stress you're still able to count your blessings and recognise some good. That attitude will see you through better than most 👍 divorce sucks, but you don't! ❤️❤️❤️

[TheFallenOne in reply to Michdau1]

Thank you Michdau1 . I was uncertain to share my story but now I’m glad I did and I am trying so hard and I did want to give up, but my daughter means the world to me. I like where you said “Divorce sucks, but you don’t!” I needed to hear that so again, thank you so much. 😊

[Michdau1 in reply to TheFallenOne]

😘😘😘

[optimuscoolbeans]

Welcome and I am so glad you are finding support here. I also want to point to you and clap for you have been so good at talking about your issues. Well done indeed.

[Hidden]

Take care of you and your daughter as best you can. I went thru a marriage of being cheated on, thankfully we didnt have kids. It was hard being deceived. Now, I celebrated 41 yr of marriage to a wonderful man. I look back at marriage #1 and feel thankful in a twisted way he did me a favor. I found happiness thru the fire of pain. Have hope that your life will get better. It may take time for you to see the beauty and love out there💜

[TheFallenOne in reply to Hidden]

Thank you so much, @Hoski. I’m starting to learn that he’s actually doing us a favor. I don’t want to go back and be worried he’ll do it again, either. I’m not sure if he would, but I’m trying to prepare myself for if he does. It’s still hard but I’m trying to hang in there. Thanks for the encouraging words. ♥️

[Hidden]

I too went through a divorce years ago. To this day, it was the toughest thing I had to endure. Yet, endure I did. I joined a meetup group for single parents and that really helped. We did all the social things everyone in life does ie: camping, hiking, parks, bbq, etc, etc. The thing is that we single parents all understood each other and we all pretty much knew the struggles all single parents had to face. Some were widows/widowers so those were the exception but otherwise, we all knew the pain we were experiencing.

Being with that type of an environment really helped. All of us grew and have known each other for over 10 years now. The bond we developed and the strength we found was awesome. Main thing is not to be alone with your thoughts. Your ego will destroy you with all these terrible thoughts and the funny thing is you are able to control it because it's in your head.

Years later, I've seen how it's made me better and stronger. If I knew how tough it was going to be from the beginning, I'd say hell no!! I don't want to do it but now that I've experienced it, I feel great that I did and how much stronger it's made me Good luck on your life path.

[TheFallenOne]

Thank you, Hidden . I’ve been considering joining a group that you mentioned. It’s still hitting me that I’m going to be a single parent but, my daughter needs me. I need to do what’s best for her. This has been tough on the both of us. I’ve been trying to stay strong for her. I have my breakdowns while I’m by myself, and I have been trying to get these bad thoughts out of my head and I know it’ll still be hard because this is all still fresh, but I am ready to get where you are today. I love how everyone is so encouraging on here. I haven’t been encouraged like this in a long time. I really do appreciate everyone’s encouraging words. Thanks, again. 😊

[Willowhouse]

Hi just seen your post. I know it’s 7 months ago but wondered how you are doing now. I too am now in this situation my husband of 15 years has left me and I am devastated did not see it coming.. feel so low and cry a lot. Just need to hope it gets easier.

[Willowhouse]

Hi just wondered how you are doing now 7months on.. I find myself in the situation as you was my husband has left me after 15 years and I am devastated and did not see it coming.