It’s always a little challenging when one person has mental illness in the relationship But, my fiancé is so supportive and loving. He doesn’t mind when he has to cancel plans or has to do more than the average man has to do in the relationship. He never complains. When I’m in a very bad way he will do anything to make me feel better. I am very lucky but I am also very protective of him. I never want this devil disease to hurt him.
I can deal with all of my anxiety and depression but when my illness hurts him, that’s when I hate this %€#!$@& disease so much! My fiancé really needed me this weekend to get his new car (an hour away) and one of my symptoms is not being able to leave the house. We do our very best to prepare me ahead of time whenever I do have to go out. So on Wednesday I promised I’d prepare myself to get up early on Saturday and take him.
Well...I couldn’t. I just physically could not get up. And all day I kept saying give me a little bit longer. I finally just promised we’d go tomorrow (Sunday) and pretty much the same thing happened.
There’s never been a time that he’s gotten mad or upset at me. Even this, he’s not mad. I can sense he’s disappointed though. And I’m mad. I’m mad that I can never give back to him what he gives me. I couldn’t do this one %#€?&@$ thing for him. And I know how excited he’s been to get the car. This really is such a selfish illness. I wish the disease could be something I can beat up. Just like I would be protective if a person hurts him, I am like that with the disease too. I’m just disgusted with myself.