What happened and why!

[brokenagain]

In 1992 I was 35 and a successful business executive. I was a regional Human Resources Manager for a Drugstore chain and was well respected in my company. I was involved in a terrible car accident brought on by a low blood sugar caused by my Type 1 Diabetes. I my accident I broke my back in half, crushed my chest and suffered a Traumatic Brain Injury. Needless to say, my career was over. Since then I have fought the good fight but my Diabetes has worsened and in 2009 I had to apply for early Social Security and in 2010 I was granted it. Since my accident, I have fought depression and after being on Prozac and Paxil as well as Ritalin which none of them worked found an even level that I am neither too High or too Low. In 2013 I developed problems sleeping and my Endocrinologist who I loved for her care of me, tricked me on to Celexa. She did not explain anything about and all she said was that it would relax me and help me sleep. No mention that it was an antidepressant. 2 months later it just stopped working and I came close to suicide. My Endocrinologist lied her way out of the situation and left me with a destroyed brain. I am now a bitter 62 year old man who prays each day that it will be my last. My regular doctor put me on Ativan last August and it helps with my sleep but I still have strong wishes to die. I will not hurt myself but the depression is winning and slowly beating me. I refuse to take anymore drugs but I am now at a complete loss. I see a Psychologist but she can only do so much. I am just lost now.

[CazO46]

Hi brokenagain, you have an incredible life story. From your post I can tell you are are a strong, dignified, intelligent man who had endured so much. I don't know what to say that would help but I admire your courage. I don't believe anyone's life is a waste and I'm sure you have touched and will touch lives in ways you may never know. I wish you peace friend X

[brokenagain in reply to CazO46]

Thank you Caz046. All I can do is try. Every day when I awake, I just keep telling myself that I am a survivor and I will not let my ex-doctor defeat me.

[CazO46 in reply to brokenagain]

You are a warrior and a survivor even though it's not what you had intended for your life. You are still here as proof of the endurance of the human spirit and resilience. It's a real pleasure to talk with you.

[hypercat54]

Hi you have had more than your fair share of tragedy and I hope things pick up for you soon.

I don't understand how Celexa has left you with a destroyed brain? It is one of a group of ad's which work well for depression and other mental health issues. It is considered safe and is regularly prescribed. Do you mean your endo's lying left you with a destroyed brain? x

[brokenagain in reply to hypercat54]

I was told that because of my Traumatic Brain Injury that my Celexa dosage should have been more closely monitored. I was on 10 Mgs and for the first time since my car accident, I was feeling incredible. On August 9th, 2013 it just stopped and I came close to jumping off the roof of our apartment building. It would have been a 12 story fall. My brain has never recovered and many doctors have told me that I should try another Antidepressant or try a higher Mg of Celexa. I am afraid that another episode like I had will result in my death. I am not too macho to admit that I am fragile and afraid. I just do not understand why my doctor abandoned me that day and then lied her way out of admitting that she made a mistake. When I made the formal complaint with the AG of Pennsylvania the Statute of Limitations had expired. I told her that I was not looking for money but just answers. My doctors only comment was I do not know, I do not remember and that I just have to move on. Pretty easy response from someone who you trusted with your damaged brain to say. I was hoping that the State would be able to get me the answers but I guess they took the opinion that a Doctor's story outranks a middle-aged man who has suffered a Traumatic Brain Injury.

[brokenagain]

I was 35 when I had my accident and worked like hell to regain some degree of normalcy. My health, in general, beat me down to the point that my former Endo told me to hang up any thoughts of returning to the Business World. I was 54 when I went on early Social Security. I never thought that I would be in this position.

[hypercat54]

Oh dear not good. Many of us though have been on meds that can cause suicidal thoughts as it is one of the known side effects in the early stages. Sometimes they just stop working too and all the depression symptoms return.

The fact that you felt like this doesn't mean it's caused more brain damage though. If it had there would surely be a way of measuring it? I know very little about brain injury but just wanted to point out that other causes could be possible. x

[brokenagain]

It has destroyed the way the chemicals in my brain flow though. For almost 5 years now, I just cannot dig out of this hole that my doctor threw me into. I am not a hateful person but after working so hard to reach somewhat of a normal mental position in life, in just 3 months all of that was destroyed on just10Mg of Celexa.

[hypercat54 in reply to brokenagain]

I'm sorry and I hope you find some answers. x

[jolivz]

i was 18 when i hit a telephone pole and lucky enough my back healed, my heart goes out to you as i can relate i now have nerve damage and cant really move my hand some people think im special its dupsetting at times. you seem to be very well put together for some one who has experienced so much hardship i wish you all the best and please dont give up taking your meds just yet im not a doctor but you might need them just to maintain sanity

[brokenagain in reply to jolivz]

Thank you. I am a survivor and with all I have gone through my doctors are amazed at how normal I still am. Even my doctor who poisoned me with the Celexa said that all she can is shake her head at times and wonder how I make through all of these years. Her intentions was not to hurt me but when everything fell apart for me she just would not admit that it was her and her practice that destroyed me. I fell into her trap and trusted everything that she said without checking for myself before taking the Celexa. She never mentioned the term : Antidepressant " or even the name Celexa. All she said was that this pill will help me relax when I go to bed! She says that is all a lie and that she explained everything and that my loss of memory from my car accident must be the reason why forgot. Pure lie because I was tested and was told that my short term memory is 95 to 97 % restored and that even though I may forget certain details, I never forget conversations. That day is now branded into my brain.

[help_each_other]

I am so sorry.

[brokenagain in reply to help_each_other]

I am a fighter and will not quit. That is all I have left.

[old-soul]

Hi,

I have been where you describe too many days to count. Today is not one of those days, at least not at present. I am pretty confident that it will not be one of those days either. If you dig back to the days, weeks and months following your accident, or perhaps more to the point, after you actually left the hospital, I am willing to bet you knew a deep despair then too.

If you are a man of faith, as am I, then you already know I will suggest to turn ALSO toward your faith in ALL THINGS. Following that, I strongly suggest you try some cognitive self-care, as I am sure you know how to do. Perhaps I can suggest a few things that are beneficial to me, and perhaps you already know but just haven't done lately, or maybe are new ones.

One is to spend time imagining upcoming events that worry of frustrate you, and imagine them going 100% smooth as glass and everything working out so well it's absolutely unbelievable. Some call it, "Manifesting," and it has been well known (among some) for centuries. In any case, what could it hurt? If it doesn't turn out as you imagined, well, that's expected. While you are taking the time out to relax (as best you can, I know it's hard to do right now), and think of these things that actually BOTHER you most, but imagine them straightening out in a way where you don't have to compromise any of your needs, and everyone you deal with is very happy and helpful AT ALL TIMES.

What's the worse that could happen as a result? Nothing, really. You would not be spending time stressing over whatever event or fact is troubling you most, and the next time you deal with such an event or fact, or even something similar, there is a good chance that some of your change and more POSITIVE responses might help, and all because you turned worry into an opportunity to imagine things going RIGHT.

In my opinion, most heath care resolutions do not require "professional care," or "lab chemical intervention." Sometimes chemicals like those found in SSRI's, benzodiazepines, (on and on, ad nausium) are helpful, but without a changed OUTLOOK on life, how is anyone supposed to really become healthy MENTALLY? They are one in the same.

SUBBED TO (following) this thread. I hope you'll keep coming around, brokenagain.

[Okidoke]

My heart goes out to you and I hope you find peace. I can only suggest you search for and find a professional who will carefully go over a treatment plan with you and get you back on the mend. You should see someone and take the fight to your problem, there are many options out there and you shouldnt let the past dictate what you do now. Take back your tomorrow and get well. I'll be thinking good thoughts for you.

[brokenagain in reply to Okidoke]

Thank you.