Why are families so difficult?

[Willow2022]

My sister and I live very different lives. Different views on religion, politics, how we spend money, who we make friends with… you get the picture.

My last deep depression she was so supportive. This time, I shut myself away (like I normally do) and she would randomly check on me. I would tell her things are not good, haven’t been good since January but we are trying to find a way through.

I finally got up the nerve to talk to her and tell her everything that is going on and she brushed me off. This week I texted her again and asked if we could please talk. She was busy. I texted her now and asked if we could talk about all that has been going on as well as some concerns I have for our parents. She said she was busy getting her car washed and maybe we could talk next week.

I have been working up to this conversation and am really disappointed that we couldn’t talk. I know it sounds dumb but we have a complicated relationship and I now that I feel better mentally I can handle questions about what has been going on. The problem could be my mom told my nephew (sister’s son) about our situation and so she very well may know all about it which I mentioned.

I feel like I am whining but it hurts to be brushed off. I tried during my depression to make it clear I was going through things mentally and not avoiding her but I feel like this is petty pay back.

This is why I confide is very few people. Even family can just sweep you aside for a vacation or a car wash. 😕

Just having a rough go today. This really brought me down. Thanks for letting me vent.

[Needtovent]

Welcome to the site Willow. This is a great place to vent and I have been doing so a lot lately. It is a safe place. Families are tough especially when all are adults. Hard to know the next step, if there is one - or whether you should wait a bit. Your instinct will guide you on that. Peace be with you.

[Stilltrying2]

Family dynamics can be very complicated. I understand your hurt. I know it’s hard, but try not to let it set you back mentally. We all fight so hard for those little victories for our mental health. .

[Willow2022 in reply to Stilltrying2]

Yes! This whole text exchange today just turned my whole day around. Depression sucks. Thank you for your understanding.

[compasnet]

...doesn't "sound dumb" at all. Sounds more like you need and cherish her support and that you reached out to her as it sounds like it would be helpful for her to do with you also. Your mutually supportive relationship is too important to go down the drain with the soap water at the car wash

[Willow2022]

Thanks Luna 💜

[Hidden]

Seems like your sister cared at first and then she distanced herself from you. Maybe she’s going through some rough patch too? Give it sometime, family usually comes around in the end. Hang in there.✌️

[Zhangliqun]

Family is difficult because people are. Replace your family with the same number of people grabbed randomly off the street, live with them for a few years or even a few months and there will be frictions and differences and hard feelings, etc.

This would be true even if you chose to live with a few of your best friends. We're all at least a little bit selfish and inconsiderate at our core which is why we are in desperate need of a Savior...

[AwakenedInSpiration]

Hello Willow and welcome to the community,

I, too, have a similar situation. My sister and I are 12 years apart and we can be very opposite regarding perspectives, beliefs, and opinions which makes it super challenging at times to share the same space. I have suffered from mental illness (MDD) most of my adult life and now with the pandemic and the loss of our mother and her husband within 9 months of each other, we are BOTH in an acute stress stage. One of the lessons I am learning through this particular life journey is that I cannot control other people's reactions and responses but I can control how I react and respond so I try to 1). Be a little more understanding that they may be going through something I am aware of and 2). Be mindful of and take actions that promote my sense of joy and lift my spirits (even if that means taking time away from her to enjoy some life).

I hope things come together for you and your sister. Give it time and allow the opportunity for growth in your relationship to come.

This too shall pass is what I keep telling myself. Have a wonderful day!

[Willow2022 in reply to AwakenedInSpiration]

Thanks Awakened. So true about putting taking in the big picture and looking at her point of view. Depression tells me “you aren’t good enough” all the time so when I feel dismissed, it’s magnified. I need to take a step back, ground myself and then try and reach out

[FindingTheAnswers]

Willow, I'm 61 years old, and I'm STILL looking for my adoption papers. There is NO WAY I can be related to these people (my family).