WTH happened?

[staggent]

So here’s my story to anyone who cares to hear it. I have always generally been a strong willed and independent go-getter type of person. Total workaholic. That is probably part of the reason my ex and I broke up over a year ago now. When this happened it was sad but I felt maybe it was for the best. Then also maybe we would see this mistake and get back together. So that never happens and within a 3-4 month span I lose my job and then my dog who was like my best friend suddenly unexpectedly passes. So I own properties along with working as a critical care RN. Situations worked out as to where I sold the house I shared my past family life in at the end of Sept and moved into another house that I was going to sell that happens to be near my mom. I thought it could work out nicely. I got a really cute golden retriever puppy and thought I had a decent game plan set up. Then all of a sudden the depression whollops me. I would never dream of being someone who would suffer from depression. I’ve now been seeing therapists and a psychiatrist who is throwing medications at me. I’m now on Zoloft and have been getting terrible anxiety and also waking up after 2 hours like clockwork every night. He also has me taking Temazepam for the sleep and then started on Ativan for the anxiety. I’m only going to take the Ativan because I build tolerances fast. So that stuff has me in a bit more of the med head fog I was already feeling. Then it also seems to kick in my depression much more as well. It seems every medication I’m taking either has a side effect of anxiety or upped depression. So I’ve gone through this novel of a story in about 2 months now. Can anyone help me with some ideas of what I can expect and will this depression that actually causes me pain go away? I am very lonely, even when people are around and I don’t have a tight-knit family at all. I feel this is a huge catalyst to my depression/anxiety. Does anybody out there have any input or insight on this for me? I know the obvious is I’ve had a rough few months and that did it, but I was much stronger just a few months prior to this and I never would have slipped into this in the past. Does it improve, because for me it seems to be getting worse and worse.

Thank you for any advice or input that may be given.

[Readyforchangenow]

I feel you. I also was very strong before depression “walloped” me. You have to get your sleep straight. I take trazedone and a supplement (tryptophan, like turkey), and it works. But there’s no knowing when the expiration date is, which is so incredibly hard, I know. But you have to just put one foot in front of the other and believe you will get through it. A med will eventually work but sometimes it take a while to find the right one.

[staggent in reply to Readyforchangenow]

Man, the Temazepam worked good at first then I quickly had to do 30mg to keep me down. I’ve tried Temazepam, Benadryl, melatonin and valerian root and none of those by themselves really do it. Ativan definitely knocks me out but that stuff scares me.

[Readyforchangenow]

Yeah adivan is dangerous. My doc prescribed it but I heeded warnings after getting pretty dependent on it for sleep. I really like the combination I’m on now for sleep and no side effects.

[Likeabadstorm]

I too was a pretty laid back care free strong person not letting things get to me and letting things roll of my shoulder. I’m also an RN. A year ago I started having these episodes and in the process of still getting a definitive diagnosis. Anxiety, panic attacks which may or may not be non epileptic seizures or epileptic seizures and had migraine with auras too, which is how it all began. And I was having antidepressants thrown at me and I was scared to try them and then saw Neuro and he said no don’t take it Til we know what it is and tried me on Topamax, big mistake. I should have listened to my gut, one dose landed me in the hospital with an adverse Rxn that they have not seen before with this med, I though I was going to code. This left me in fear of trying any medications from that day on and I have had to get courage up to take any otc or any med I had taken before because of scared me so bad. I have progressively gotten worse. It’s hard to drive and I have 24/7 head pressure with faintness feeling that doesn’t go away. And lots of neurological symptoms and being in the medical field it’s hard for me to believe anxiety depression and panic can cause all of the symptoms I am experiencing. And I am so scared it’s focal awareness seizures. I have received mixed possible Dx s from neuros. And he now says he wants me to see psych to try an antidepressant before I get even worse Til he gets his eeg machine up and running, been all summer and fall waiting for this thing. I cry every day and feel all these weird sensations in my head and body. And psych and therapy was all new to me this year as well, so far no improvement and acupuncture I tried 12 treatments. It is the hardest thing ever and I have a toddler and all he wants for thanksgiving and Christmas is for mommy to get better. I only take ativan 0.25mg as needed and really need it more than I actually take it because I don’t want issues with it. I too am sensitive to meds but also build a tolerance fast. I don’t know what to do. It’s like if it’s possible seizures and he tells me antidepressants can make them worse then why would I try it until we know. But I also know I can’t keep on like this either and yet I am scared to put anything in my mouth because of side effects or adverse RXns that could cause me really bad issues and land me in the ER. My episodes land me in the ER before the ativan even still ive come close to going because this pressure is intense in my head then I get rush or waves sensations through my head and stinging zaps in my face and head and even the bones in my face hurt. MRI and MRA are normal of head and neck. Even get pulsatile tinnitus and rules out retrochochlear lesion. I am scared it could be intracranial htn but Neuro says it is all stress related. It’s been months like this nonstop with the head and all other crazy things happening that scare the living daylights out of me.

I do hope the medications do start working for you. I read so many mixed reviews in it working and it not and how everyone has to find the right one that works for them. Then even getting the courage to take it.

It’s crazy how one day we are ok and then the next our worlds turn upside down.

[DottieLucy]

staggent, I am sorry that you find yourself in this position. depression can be clinical, hence the needs for medication to right the wrong brain chemistry and or it can be emotional, i.e., the death of a relationship, a dog, major upheaval, etc. Unfortunately, if it is clinical, it is only by trial and error that the right meds and doses will be found and then will have to be monitored regularly. Only make one change at a time in this regimen. also ask your doctor about naturopathic meds that can help. Some I have used include defusing essential oils, Valerian, a product called Calm, meditation, and life-work balance. I am praying that you find peace soon!

[staggent in reply to DottieLucy]

Thank you for that heart warming response. I am feeling better now and would like to think the prayers helped out a lot 😊

[Speakeasie]

One supplement I have taken for calming and sleeping help is the plant product Kava Kava, in a tea. You can't abuse it though as it carries warnings that it can stress your liver in high amounts. It has helped me on occasion. L-theanine as well, less for sleep though, more for waking stress and to help keep me from getting overwhelmed. *Always check that nothing is contraindicated.

[Katt2015]

Curious to how you're doing? I know this was 3 months ago and unfortunately I’m experiencing everything you posted! I hope you’re better and if so, how did you do it? I just started Zoloft today praying it helps me get back to normal.