I'm a single parent with a 19 yr old daughter and now a 2 month old granddaughter. My daughter struggled with depression and anxiety on and off more so in the last 5 years it's been worse. I also have been dealing with same for a very long time undiagnosed and then diagnosed. Still I'm usually the rock for friends and family. Well in the last few years trying to be my daughters everything and keep myself sane has proven to be more than I can continue to handle. Last year she tried to commit suicide. That was a rough time for me cause I didn't know if I was gonna wake up one day and she succeeded. On top of that I feel disconnected with "family" and even got into it with my brother last summer. I'm tired of being strong. I'm tired of arguing. I'm tired of hearing other people's voices. My daughters pregnancy she was soo sick got in car accident noone acknowledged her pregnancy and now the baby. She is hurting I'm hurting for her. We are both angry. I was caretaker for my dad for a few months during her pregnancy and they were going at it so I was referee. Then plumbing went in house and my pregnant daughter and I were left to find emergency housing which was a hotel for over 2 weeks. During that time not one family member checked on us. Working all this time and trying to stay focused and encouraged but really I just want to sleep and sleep some more. I'm mentally and physically exhausted. There is so much more before in between and after all of this but I already feel like this is a Novel and have inconvenienced those reading too much already. 😳 I just want to feel happy again...
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Caged-butterfly
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Thank you, I would love to but I feel so bad not including my daughter cause I feel like she needs a life break too. I'm trying to remind myself that I have to take care of me so I can take care of her and the grand baby
Ok wait, u might be on to something. You say you don't want to, cuz it would be unfair to her. Is there a possibility of trading off shifts with baby, so you each can get at least and hour hear and ther where you each can just stop thinking, and recharge?
You're doing as best of a job that you can, don't think different. Just focus on you and your daughter/grand baby as it seems the rest of the family doesn't really care about you and hers well being. Take some time for yourself if you can, but just take care of yourself and the other 2, that should be the only concern
Sorry you’re going through this. How much can the new mother take care of herself and the baby? Has she tried to get some help from social services? I’m assuming she’s a single parent as well. She’s an adult. Does she get financial assistance?
She doesn't qualify for financial assistance as they use my income smh.. she is doing pretty good with being a mommy except when having to deal with the father. He knows what buttons to push and she is feisty right back at him ugh. I guess it's the mom guilt even at this age since it's always been her and I do doing things without her feels weird. She is attending college still so at least she is not sulking most of the time. But trying to navigate her mental health, my mental health and life stressors is suffocating
I had my daughter at 17. And it was a difficult road. I’m glad I had my mother and grandmother (and mother in law) to help when I went back for my senior year of high school.
Ooh. Its you who needs to practice taking that time then. Once you force yourself to take several short periods away, it should get easier. Cuz it's not luxury, you do need that time.
Of course you haven't inconvenienced. I've been trying to hide from the world a bit, everything in this town I'm in makes me hurt. I could teel you a book about it, but no. Good for now.But I was watching some old YouTube video about this adorable teen that did a bunch of self help vids on her struggle with depression. Made me sad cuz I thought ..5 years ago. Hmm no one is live. Thats my problem, I'm very alone here and these people hurt.
So. I thought about this app, and how much it feels good to know someone's always on here. So, keep rambling if it helps.🙂
Thank you 😊 I can understand being in a town that you feel dragged down in. That's how I feel about my hometown. Just thinking about going back there for anything gives me anxiety. I moved two hours from it and have no intentions of going back. So I'm here if you ever want to vent.
I just reread this and got even deeper with you. I do here you, on much of the hurt especially. But I couldn't even imagine having all that going on with a daughter too. ❤ I don't have kids, so wow. I know there's a lot all at once, but has this been your life for quite a while now? Do you see something in sight for change or is this it for awhile? You definitely sound like you need support. Maybe we can brainstorm.
So I have a handful of friends that have prayed for me, listened to me and helped me not feel completely alone the whole time. It's the times when I'm sitting and things are still that the mind starts to relive the past. Honestly I come from a time and culture that if you have mental health issues you are just deemed crazy and it's not addressed. My childhood wasn't the worst but it wasn't the best. I felt sad most times and stayed to myself in my room until I hit 18. I lost my mom at the age of 19 and went to work the next day because it was easier for me to deal with work than the people at home looking at me for comfort when I was looking for that from them. Since then my anxiety and depression would creep over me every so often but it wasn't until I had my daughter at 24 that I really felt the pain associated with the anxiety and depression. I need to get into counseling because zoloft alone is not enough and the other one I forget the name gave me nightmares that I wasn't willing to continue with. That's kinda the 500,000 ft overview of my story. The day to day would take forever.
hi, I can relate to some of what you’ve written. My note ex husband, father to 4 of my children was arrested and charged with downloading indecent images of children. He was sentenced to 3 years. We’d been married for 17 years and he’d been in my life for many more. I and my children, two were adults, were devastated. He was my world and my Carer. I’ve suffered with depression since the age of 18. We were ostracised from our local society. I was threatened with eviction and actually became homeless. With regard to my kids, I thought I had it in the bag. Two at Uni, one training to be a doctor one doing a masters at Oxford and one at Uni training to be a social worker. 6 months after his arrest, an ex of June m mine got in touch out of the blue. We were together between the ages of 16-18 and hadn’t seen each other since, we are now 52. He was living in Italy running a very successful business, he’s English and so am I. We developed a long distance relationship and eventually I was invited to move to Italy with my two youngest. It felt like a no brainer as I’d lost everything here. So we up sticks and moved. My eldest two weren’t perticularly happy about it. Long story short it turned into an absolute nightmare. He was so extremely abusive that we had to literally escape back to the Uk. We tuned up at the council with the clothes on our backs having had to leave everything behind, homeless and penniless, traumatised abused and sick.
Believe or not, things got even worse. My three daughters blamed me for the whole Italy mess. From the day I arrived back in the UK over three years ago, they haven’t spoken to me. Not one word. Gone. End of. Can you imagine the pain and suffering I’ve endured. I’m hanging by a thread. I’ve had to set up this flat from nothing with no money, no help and no car. I’ve become so physically unwell that I have to have carers in every day to help me. I’m living with my wonderful 18 year old son who developed severe ME. He’s been through way way more than my daughters ever did and he loves me. I have to cling to that. Every day is a real challenge and sometimes I think I can’t do it anymore. I hope things get better for you, take care. Xxx
I am so sorry you have had such a challenging life. I really don't know how you got to where you are, and when I say "challenging", that's not the right word - only you can describe your trauma in an all-enveloping word. I am in awe of you that you did the right thing at the time for yourself and your children. You must have been extremely strong. You can gain that strength again but slowly, with kindness to yourself. I love that your son has stayed with you and cares for you. He is your rock. I hope he manages to come through ME - some people do. He deserves a "feel good" life.
I am going through something myself, in the evening of my life, but I could not have gone through what you experienced. In comparison, I am lucky, I have everything. I just have to be more watchful and sensible. Please make plans for a better life. It will lift both of you and hopefully lift your lives. 🤗🤗
Dear Maggie, thank you so much for your kind words, they have brought me to tears. I’ve had another challenging week. I wanted to tell one of my daughters that she would need to help her brother of nothing happened to me. At the moment I’m all he’s got because his sisters don’t bother with him. We are in the process of getting him assessed for Autism on top of the ME. Anyway, I’m blocked everywhere by my daughters and so I set up a fake FB account and managed to track one of them down. I wrote a very polite neutral message about her brother. She immediately blocked me. But so you know what? It says far more about them than it does about me. I try to look for positives (not very easy), such as I don’t have to worry about my girls like I used to. I don’t have to be their cook, nurse. Counsellor or taxi anymore. My next challenge coming up is that my sons Dad has done it again and will be heading back to prison. We don’t know when though even though the offence was over a year ago, it’s devastating for both of us. Thank you for not judging. I’ll take any ounce of kindness I can get. Much love to you. X
Oh Bramble, you have brought tears to my eyes. I am glad I might have brought a little healing to you. You have done so for me, without knowing what I am going through. Your daughters have not given proper thought to what happened. They just want someone to blame. No doubt they will come to their senses one day, but as you say, their actions speak for them - not for you. If you get your son assessed for autism, at the same time perhaps you could voice your fears for him; even if his sisters were to take care of him, it is unlikely to be the sort of care you have provided, and he will be older, which can not make things any easier. Why should I judge you? I can only judge what a strong, kind and loving woman you are. Much love to you.❤️😊
Many have judged me. All my friends disappeared without a word after my husbands arrest. Not one person from the church we’d been involved in for 7 years got in touch and they 100% knew. They assumed I knew what he was doing. I absolutely did not. That element of it was looked at by the police and they said that if ever I’d get the need to go looking for what he was doing, which I never did, I’d never have found it because he’d hidden it so deep. It is the loneliest place in earth. There’s No support. No FB group. I keep meaning to set something up. X
I'm so sorry for what you went through and are still going through. As parents we make the best choices that we can. Sometimes it's not and sometimes it's great. We all have to have compassion towards one another regardless cause life is about learning every single second of the day. I hope one day the girls can come back and reconcile with you. I'm here if you ever want to chat❤️ you are one strong chick! Keep your head up hun!
Caged-butterfly - So many things you said resonate with me. I'm not in the same situation but do have several similarities - especially as a single mother struggling with my own mental health while trying to support my son (16) who has had mental health issues since 2019 and turned to drugs in 2021 to relieve his pain. Your message hit home with me. I wish I could support you and give you some relief. But as many times as you hear "you're not in this alone", I understand that no one is coming to save us; finding support and help is crucial, but no one is there with us for the moment-by-moment fight to keep trying. This is a marathon. (more like back to back marathons) It's exhausting. You must feel as though you have the weight of the world on your shoulders. I pray you can keep putting one foot in front of the other and do the next right thing, without focusing on the overwhelming day-to-day anxiety and depression that tell you there is no hope. And when you just can't push yourself to do the next right thing, please remember to give yourself some grace. You're not perfect and you're under tremendous stress. You're doing the best you can; don't expect more of yourself. And even as bad as your situation appears, you mentioned several positives - your daughter is in college (amazing!), a grandbaby, and you have people praying for you and supporting you in their own way. I hope these things provide even the smallest fire in your belly that keep you motivated to press on. I agree with what others have posted; try to do what little you can to keep yourself healthy, even if it's only committing to drink water, eat, and do your best to get some sleep. (easier said than done with an infant in the house) You sound like an amazingly strong woman. I wish you the hope and resolve to tackle your challenges. Things can get better. You just have to hold on and keep trying to give you, your daughter, and your grandbaby the best shot at bringing some peace into your life. All my best to you.
Thank you for this! Being reminded that I'm not alone does bring me back to reality so to speak. This journey is rough and I'm trying to do just that in giving myself grace. Some days are better than others. I'm so encouraged from every ones responses I really am. Getting these feelings out my head and onto "paper" but with feedback helped so much. I'm here if you ever need to vent! Just a message away. Single parent, teenager and mental health is the "perfect" storm do I definitely understand where you are. My thoughts are with you for your peace as well❤️
Thanks for the response. Thinking of you every day since I really feel for you as I'm going through some similar issues. I hope this weekend gives you some time and space to do something - no matter how small - for yourself. I'd sneak you out for a pedicure if I could! Or come clean up your kitchen for you. (life always seems much more manageable when the fridge has been cleaned out, lol) Hang in.
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