I’m new to this but I’m struggling

[Coffeelover45]

I’ve had many years of different events happening in my life over many years from childhood to adulthood but I’ve always thought was dealing with them and never really let them take over recently I lost my mom suddenly, my manager has become toxic and my marriage is become more like a friendship than a marriage. Now I think it’s all raised up to the surface and I feel alone stuck in daily battle of I don’t know what I’m even doing anymore. I’m trying to to hold it all together for my children during the day but crying alone at night.

[Green73]

Hi Coffelover45,

Sorry to hear your feeling like this, I am feeling similar, I lost my lovely mum in December last year and I feel so low and depressed, I've suffered with depresion for a good few years now but it's off the scale now, I'm fed up with feeling so sad all the time. People keep telling me that it will pass and it will get better.

I am trying my hardest to be strong but I think losing our mums is a huge life event to go through. It brings out emotions I never knew I had.

Try and keep positive, I know its hard as I have this battle daily.

But we will get there.

Sending you a virtual hug

X xX

[Coffeelover45 in reply to Green73]

Hi Green73

Thank you for your kind words. I no what you saying the amount of people who say it will be ok it will pass or just disregard your feelings all together telling you just to get on with it

[Green73 in reply to Coffeelover45]

Grief is a funny thing and everybody is different,

I have zero interest in anything, this will be my third week back at work, I thought I would feel better but I don't really. Talking helps me especially with people that understand. Sue Ryder have a great website, take a look.

You can always chat to me.

Xx

[Coffeelover45 in reply to Green73]

Thank you I was kinda pressured into returning to work just a week after my mum passed and the relationship turned stressful with my manager putting more pressure on me and not listening when I tried to explaining I’m not coping which has now forced me to take sick leave and even on sick leave manager is contacting me and pressuring me into returning

[Green73 in reply to Coffeelover45]

Oh no that's not on, you could do without added pressure, is it a big company?

Acas are good for work-related issues.

[Coffeelover45 in reply to Green73]

No it’s a small business they the owner

[zqb95v in reply to Coffeelover45]

Have either of you considered Counselling? I had a major life crisis that I started seeing a Counsellor for and over time it turned out that like you I had buried problems, especially not grieving for lost parents as I was always the one that picked up the pieces and organised all of those things that are associated with losing someone. As a old guy I was bought up to hide emotions, that's not healthy with the Counsellor I was finally able to express my emotions and get them out in the open so that she could help me deal with them. There are a number of charities that help put you in contact with a suitable Counsellor in your area and specialist field as well as subsidised if you are on a low income.

Best wishes

[Coffeelover45 in reply to zqb95v]

Thank you I am looking into counselling at the moment

[worthytobeloved]

I feel for you - with all these things coming at once. Losing your mother is awful, and not only are you still grieving, but there was all the stress of arranging a funeral, etc.I'm horrified by the way your manager treats you, especially just after losing your mum. Can you complain to someone above him? In the worst case scenario - leave.

As for your relationship with your husband, I hope this feeling is just temporary while you are going through this stress, and that, in time, you can both work to make it wonderful. I'm glad he feels like a friend, though. Best wishes! xxx

[Coffeelover45 in reply to worthytobeloved]

Thank you for your kind words I’m considering leaving job as at least that’s one thing I don’t have to stress about. As for husband it’s me that feels more like friend I don’t think he even notices us drafting apart or sees what I’m going through

[zqb95v in reply to Coffeelover45]

Unfortunately us guys can be really blind to our partners emotions and your subtle body language. It was only when I started Counselling and connected to my emotions that I became more attuned and attentive to my wife's feelings. 🙄

[Coffeelover45 in reply to zqb95v]

Awe that’s good and I’m sorry to hear you had to go through some tough times.

It’s hard to find people to talk to who understand or are going through similar things

[zqb95v in reply to Coffeelover45]

Unfortunately mental health problems still seem to be a taboo subject, whilst there is a greater awareness post pandemic I find that a lot of it is superficial and merely box ticking exercise. That's why online forums like this are so vital as it brings you into contact with others on different stages of their journey through similar problems.

I was lucky I found a great Counsellor it took almost 9 years before I felt strong enough to get back on with life without her weekly assistance. Been OK for the last 2 years🤞

[Coffeelover45 in reply to zqb95v]

that’s really good progress I’ve only been on here less than 24 hrs and can already feel the support

[Dolphin14]

Coffeelover45

Welcome to the community.

I'm very sorry for the loss of your mom.

It sounds like her death brought things to the surface.

This is probably the best time for you to get some therapy and work through things. Do you have access to a therapist?

🐬

[Coffeelover45 in reply to Dolphin14]

I don’t currently have access but I am looking into it

[Dolphin14 in reply to Coffeelover45]

I do think being here and talking about this will be helpful.

There is another group on here for Bereavement.

I went through something similar. A death of a sister reactivated my ptsd and spun my whole life upside down.

[Coffeelover45 in reply to Dolphin14]

Awe I’m sorry to hear that but iam glad I found this group as it’s nice to talk to people who have been through the same or similar experiences

[Dolphin14 in reply to Coffeelover45]

Thank you

The support here is wonderful

[gajh]

Hello and Welcome. I am so sorry for your loss. There is so much support available here. I am glad you have joined us.

[Coffeelover45 in reply to gajh]

Thank you. I feel relieved that there is so many nice people going through similar things to me that can chat and understand

[gajh in reply to Coffeelover45]

It has helped me so much. I have made some amazingly good friends here.

[Coffeelover45 in reply to gajh]

That’s really good it’s hard to find friends who understand. I have loads of people around yet still feel alone

[gajh in reply to Coffeelover45]

I have depression, anxiety, and agoraphobia. I have just recently been getting back out there. I am attending a mindfulness class. It is so hard. I feel like I can't relate to anyone. Here people can actually relate.

[Coffeelover45 in reply to gajh]

This is so true it’s good hear your getting the support you need

[gajh in reply to Coffeelover45]

I really hope you will too. It makes all the difference in the world.

[Coffeelover45 in reply to gajh]

Thank you

[Zaid06]

How is your day going?

[Coffeelover45 in reply to Zaid06]

It’s not been to bad, it’s more at night when alone. How’s your day been?

[Zaid06 in reply to Coffeelover45]

Going good so far, and it’s Tuesday. How was your weekend?

[Coffeelover45 in reply to Zaid06]

Not bad to be fair during the days are better than night times