telling your loved ones about your depression

[klm96]

Hey, if they know, how did you guys tell your family and friends about your depression? One of my good friends found out how bad my depression was about 4 months ago. And since then, our relationship hasn't really been the same. I guess I take advantage of her sometimes because she is really the only good friend I have. So I kept telling her when I was feeling really down, and I guess in her eyes, that's all she thought I was talking about. And then about a week ago, she kind of blew up at me. She said how I was suffocating her and how everything was only about me and my problems. She told me (these are her exact words) to stop treating her like a therapist and get some actual help. Basically how I am an inconvenience to her and how all I talk to her about is how sad I am, and how I expect her to solve all of my problems. And then she went on to say how her life just revolves around me all the time, and that she keep wasting her time on me and my problems. That me and my depression are too clingy and I constantly have to be talking to her.

I felt really bad because I didn't really realize I was doing that. And it really hurt my feelings what she said to me and now I am scared to talk to her. This isn't the first time she said something hurtful like that. She once told me how I purposely do things to make myself sad, and I put myself in situations that I know will cause me pain. She is my best friend and now I feel like I just ruined everything. I feel really bad how much my mental illness has effected her and I never had the intention of doing that, but at the same time I am kind of mad at her. What she said was super hurtful and I don't know if its me just being sensitive or if other people would be hurt by that too? I know it takes someone special to be there for someone with depression and I guess I am going to try and tone back my depressive thoughts, but it just feel likes I can't talk to her anymore. Like I can only talk to her when I am having a good day, not feeling down. How would you guys react if someone said that to you?

She also said she used to be depressed, but I just feel like she has a hard time understanding me. Like I don't want to be like this. I don't want to be sad and clingy all the time. It isn't always me talking or acting like that, honestly its the depression. I just don't think she understands that. And I want to be a better friend to her but at the same time she hurt my feelings, and she doesn't see that. What would you guys do??

[gerg]

I have learned two important things; communication is key and not to take things personally. My State of mind relies on me telling people how I am feeling and not trying to control how they feel. I will accommodate requests for change, if it suits me too. I take full responsibility for me and I take the steps that I have to. I may sound harsh or selfish, but this has ended the drama in my life. I have more friends than ever before and I hold my head up high.

[klm96 in reply to gerg]

No I appreciate that thank you!

[Sky-dancer]

Hi klm96 If it were me I'd give the friend some time, I doubt she meant to hurt your feelings. We all act differently to depression and have different ways of managing outwardly and inwardly.. If she really has depression herself then she will understand why you have needed her ear from time to time but she may also feel a bit overwhelmed if she is also having a difficult time.

I have a friend who suffers terribly, he always tells me how awful he is feeling and I try to take it in my stride as I genuinely do have an idea where he is coming from but I often have sudden turns, I don't tend to tell others how I'm feeling, always smile and say I'm fine when really, I'm wondering who will have my dog when I 'go', how much stuff can I get rid of so my sons don't get lumbered with it all etc.. That's when I have to pull back and not take my friend's problems on board..

We're all only human. We try to manage so much when we are suffering but sometimes there are casualties, friends or family who don't seem to get it, get us.. Try not to be hard on yourself or your friend and I hope that in time, you can both have a good chat over a cuppa and put this moment behind you.. Take care and all the best..

[klm96 in reply to Sky-dancer]

Thank you so much I appreciate it.

[jkl5500]

One thing about depressives is that we constantly seek reassurance from others (those who know about our problem). We have to remember that no one's patience is infinite. Our comforters have their share of problems too, and they may feel that we don't appreciate that. So, if we cross a certain line, they may blow up and let us know that we're wearing them out.

You should have a nice, long talk with your friend and let each of you air her grievances. Get to the point, but don't let it get ugly. Admit that you need reassurance because of your depression, but give her the right to say "Let's talk about something else, OK?" if it's getting to be too much. Respect the fact that she has her share of troubles, too.

Also, are you getting treatment for your depression? This sounds like it's been going on much too long to clear up by itself. Do yourself a favor and make an appointment soon.

[klm96]

Thats good advice, thank you! And yes I am on antidepressants but they don't really seem to be doing anything anymore (I have been on them for about 2 years now), and I see a therapist. I think I need to see my therapist more often than I do though. I appreciate your response.

[Gardengazer in reply to klm96]

Hi. I have found that therapy IS very helpful way to get everything out there and gain perspective. The BEST thing I ever did was to join a therapy Group. We have meetings and talk with each other, support each other, and basically have functional friendships that we can lean on when times are rocky, letting our significant others have some room to breathe and less responsibility for holding us up every day. It's a gift to ourselves and our loved ones. Try asking your current therapist if they would be willing to help you search for a group. Can't hurt.

[klm96]

I agree lol I agree

[klm96 in reply to klm96]

She’s graduating in May and moving across the country so I don’t know it’s worth it...

[gogogirl in reply to klm96]

Distance friendships can be hard but they still can work. I have done it. Are you in college now?

[klm96 in reply to gogogirl]

Yes I am a Junior

[Gardengazer in reply to klm96]

Your primary focus REALLY needs to be on a consistent effort to get YOURSELF BETTER. If you can begin to Get yourself functioning better in your world, maybe that will help.lessen your suffering a bit.

[klm96 in reply to Gardengazer]

Thanks!! Definitely working on putting myself first

[klm96]

I’m not sure if the relationship will last. Sure we are really good friends right now but I feel like she’s going to forget about me and I feel like she’s ready to move on from me and my drama

[gogogirl in reply to klm96]

Why not just wish her well- are you in the USA? Throw a little victory party for her or just send her a card. How long have you known her?

[klm96 in reply to gogogirl]

Yes from Colorado. About 3 years now.

[gogogirl in reply to klm96]

Over fifty years ago ( did I REALLY say that) I remember hiking in an area of Colorado. I think it was called Black Canyon- very pretty at that time.

[gogogirl in reply to klm96]

I wonder- do they have therapy or at least support groups at the college? I know that college can be stressful.

[gogogirl]

It's true- she is not a therapist- speaking of which do you have one? Also, what did she do to come out of depression. We are all different. Sorry she blew up at you. Perhaps she is using that as an excuse to get some space? I hope you also find a support group where people won't judge or blow up at you. Try NAMI.

[klm96 in reply to gogogirl]

Yeah I do have a therapist, I need to start seeing her more regularly though. I think it was a situational thing that she slowly grew out of-was not as severe. Thank you for your advice!

[gogogirl]

Yes, a situation that was resolved sounds more like temporary sadness not like the concrete of depression that can mire one down. I hope you do see your th more regularly. Not too long ago , I started seeing someone new to help resolve some issues - I can really talk to her so far and she listens.