I'm having so much anxiety at the moment. No matter how much I've tried, i can't get better.
My life is a mess, I am a mess. I try not to think about it! But then when I go to bed I think of many things. I am so heartbroken and time hasn't healed my wounds. Right now I'm crying and I don't wanna regret and blame myself for what could happen or not. I've simply had enough. People around me is already tired of listening to the same story about my ex relationship. I have enough too but I wonder why I can't just forget about it and continue with my life.
There is no day I don't think about him. I haven't stopped loving him and I will never do it. I feel he is the love of my life but we cannot be together anymore, never again. I wish I could block all my thoughts and feelings but I can't. I know I am never gonna love anyone with the same pure love I have for this man.
I'm just tired that no one has really loved me, I don't feel loved by anyone and I think if I disappeared no one would notice.
I'm so hurt and I don't want to do anything with men. Everybody has asked me why he? Why he was so special, why he was the love of my life... I just don't know. We don't choose we love, he was only the light of my life and I dreamt to be his wife and have a family with him.
When you love everything of a person. The fact he was messy and lazy and forgetful, and then there is a voice in your head that says he is the one and you wanna spend the rest of your life with him. Then it says marry him.
I don't wanna bring these kind of things up anymore but I don't have anyone to talk to. People is very sick of this situation. But I haven't recovered at all. I have a pain in my heart right now and I'd love to take the first plane that takes me very far away from here, but at the same time I'm very afraid of the future. No matter where I go, this is going to follow me wherever I am at! And I'll be alone without my family and friends. I'm very very scared, I think I should be more brave and start doing things but I don't believe in myself anymore, I stopped believing long time ago.
I thought i had a big pain when my ex, the one before this one, left me. And I just knew he has a gf already and I thought when this day came I wouldn't stand it! But I did. I really hope he is happy. I don't know what will happen when I find out my ex, the new one, find another woman.
I see happy people around me, happy couples and I just wanna die. My life is horrible and I don't know what to do to change this. Don't all we deserve to love and be loved?
When he asked what was gonna happen when he is 50 my answer was "nothing" because I was gonna love him with the same intensity. I always told him I was the only one who would stay at his side in the worst moments, and didn't care if we had money or not. If we lived in a small place, if we ate just twice at day, if we couldn't travel or spend nights out, I was gonna stay. He didn't understand even if he had a disease I would stay, because that is love for me. Unfortunately he didn't wanna give me that chance.
I haven't done anything wrong but I can't, I cannot stand this sorrow anymore. I'm sorry guys. You all have been very nice and helpful and I have followed your advice but I don't know what else to do. One of my best friends said I need to change my life in a 100% but I'm scared