A message from my ex

[vanessi]

As i have said it has been a really bad time recently, i wish things would be different in my life, my ex texted me tonight to wish me a Happy New Year, i will write exactly what he sent:

"I know it's early for you but i just wanted to say Happy New Year...xx hope you are good, we should talk soon...if you want.."

My response: "Happy New Year, i hope you have a really good one. I hope you are good too."

Then he said: "So it's 2018 here and i just wanted to let you know that you have made 2017 the most unforgettable and amazing year of my life...you are the most incredible woman i've ever met in my life and you will never leave my mind for as long as i live...xxx"

Me: "My 2017 was amazing too, Even though now it is a nightmare. Anyway it doesn't matter now, i left smth at home for this day too, it is in the drawer where is the laptop, open it, it is over the keyboard. Then you can dump it. Have a nice year and enjoy, i hope you find everything you are looking for."

he: "i will cherish everything we had together...you blew my fucking mind on countless occasions... i never deserved a woman as incredible as you but you made me feel like the King of the world..."

And that is it, personally i feel so bad about this, my feelings for him haven't chaged and i love him but i feel really bad cos i feel he is trying to play with my mind. I haven't changed my mind and still wanna recover and i will take a break from him, i will disappear from his life as he wanted. I am so hurt and my day is terrible, i am so sad and depressed.

Thank you all of you for being here even today, please help i feel i'm gonna breakdown in any moment

[Lostlittlegirl_]

My ex wrote me

“You’ll be okay. I hope 2018 will be in your favor.”

After dumping me.

[vanessi in reply to Lostlittlegirl_]

i am so sorry, people is just mean sometimes.

[Hidden]

My ex doesn't even give a shit about me to even wish me a happy new year. I would give anything to know he cares just a little. But I'm exhausted from being heartbroken. I feel you're pain. I really do. I know you're struggling & hurting badly but I'm confident that in time you will heal. I really pray that you do. You deserve to be happy. 🙏🏼

[vanessi in reply to Hidden]

Thank you so much, i think all deserve to be happy, i wish i could be someone else, i am fed up of this pain

[Hidden in reply to vanessi]

Yeah me too.

[steph11]

Dear Vanessi,

My heart breaks for you. I left the man I planned to marry in September and it has been pure Hell. I know I made the right decision. There are so many issues I have to work on and "K" was definitely not the man to stand by me for the rough patches.

I don't know your situation but I do know the empty feeling and loneliness that you might be feeling right now. I also know that you separated for a reason. Stay strong and focus on the reason you separated. It must have been so that one of you could become stronger. Keep your eyes focused there!

This year will bring healing for us all! I believe it!

Happy New Year!

Your friend,

Steph

[vanessi in reply to steph11]

The problema is i don't know exactly the reason, he said it was cos the age difference but then he says other things like he doesn't deserve me, i am better tan him, etc. So i basically i don't understand, we were ok couple of weeks ago after an argument everything ended

[Hidden in reply to steph11]

Dear Steph,

I understand that it would have been the hardest decision of your life. But I think you are a super strong person for making it. In my case, my ex-fiance dumped me (we were to get married in Oct). However, I had wanted to breakup for a long time. and like your case, mine was never there when I needed him. He left me because I was depressed but guess what, with him disappearing, so did my depression! Thank you for your encouraging comment

Vanessa, healing takes time. Often people (esp those who hurt others) have a very good way of justifying and sugar-coating. You are too good for him, he says. Take him for that! You are too good for him! because you deserve someone who will love you the way you love them! Try to take one day at a time. That is how I survived the worst of the breakup. It is a new year, a very good opportunity to turn a new page. Also Vanessa, remember, so long as you keep communication lines with an ex open, it will be very hard to heal. So try to avoid communication for a while. Best of luck <3

[ArtHeals in reply to Hidden]

I am going through an (almost) break up too. Things are not looking good for us. Sometimes I feel pulled back by the things he says. Sometimes during a rough period without someone they try and coax you back by reminding you how much you mean to them. Only to find out later everything is the same and nothing has changed. Fill yourself with positive people and support and remind yourself that there are still people in your life who care.

Cheers to new beginnings, positive thinking, and happy healthy relationships! xo

[Hidden in reply to ArtHeals]

Yeah my ex was similar. He would make promises to end a fight and then the next day do the same thing again. Eventually I got tired and I stopped trusting him and I started expecting the worst. That was when the relationship turned toxic. I am now filling my time with people who do actually care about my wellbeing. I am extremely lonely at times, esp when I feel like love will never find me again, but I am trying I wish you love. I hope you can figure things out soon

[Hidden]

That message did not give you closure because you will never know the real reason he broke up with you and that is what bothers you soundo to me that he might not have been sincere from the beginning. Sounds like he might not have wanted something serious, your healing will be slow but it will get better with time

[vanessi in reply to Hidden]

we had plans and i actually believed everything was serious, from my part and his too. He said he has always loved me but i don't think so, i think when love someone nothing matters, he might not love me in the way i do. He wants to keep in touch but honestly i don't want to, and i won't.

i don't wanna talk to him and know he is doing his life, it might sounds selfish but i never saw him as a friend, and after we went through, i think that is impossible. Now i'm gonna protect myself and look after me, i need to recover, i feel every time i talked to him, another scar shows up

[Hidden in reply to vanessi]

I'm glad to hear you say that, you are not selfish for not wanting to continue to hurt. Honestly I don't trust many men, I have had bad experiences and it's hard to believe and trust them, you never know their intentions sad to say but you have to unfortunately be weary of people and what they tell us

[vanessi in reply to Hidden]

I don't even trust in my shadow now! What a sad way to start a new year

[NuckinFuts in reply to vanessi]

I’m sorry to hear that. I was in a relationship and all the sudden nothing. Like I didn’t exist anymore. That is a horrible feeling and I thought everything was going great. It takes some time to heal the pain, but you deserve better, his loss not yours. People can be cruel. Keep your head up and move on to better things. I can relate but I’m still looking for the right one, I know she’s out there somewhere. I keep telling myself that anyways.

[Hidden in reply to NuckinFuts]

Nuckinfuts people can be really messed up and cruel. Sorry you had to go through that. And you are right there is someone special waiting for you out there. Sometimes people that hurt us like that actually do us a favor, because if she can do that to you she is not the woman for you.

[NuckinFuts in reply to Hidden]

Very true! And thank you!

[vanessi in reply to Hidden]

i just wanna die today, i am very down

[vanessi in reply to NuckinFuts]

Well i feel bad every day, i feel i lost the man who was the love of my life, i am very depressed today

[ArtHeals in reply to vanessi]

I think you are very strong for knowing what you want and need. Sometimes it helps me to remind myself that tons of people are experiencing similar things. Sometimes I Google "Famous Single People" or watch YouTube videos of people recovering from breakups/divorce and think to myself "wow! If they can conquer these feelings and move forward, so can I!" Or talking to other family or friends who have experienced breakups or even divorce to get their advice on how they coped through it and how they managed to push forward. I have hope that you will become a much stronger person because of this! These feelings really really stink to have right now and please allow yourself to grieve and feel that pain. But the next important step is to give yourself a stopping point to move on.

[Hidden in reply to vanessi]

I am so happy to hear those strong words from you <3 Keep moving forward darling, don't look back. This year will be a wonderful one

[vanessi in reply to Hidden]

I feel really bad today

[NuckinFuts]

Just try and stay strong. Keep your head up. Life throws us many obstacles. Some harder to overcome than others. Don’t let this weaken you, this is the start of a new year for a new you. It can be a lot to deal with, but you can do this. Even if it’s a little at a time. I wish I could help! I hope your days ahead you get better. And don’t waste your time with the past. It’s behind you now. I feel for you. Stay strong and keep reaching out, we all need some guidance in our life. Helps keep us on track. And we should be looking out for one another.