Hello, I've been absent from here because I wanted to take a break, still want to. I only want to say that I don't feel better, every day I feel worse no matter how much I try. I'm very alone and depressed.
When I feel I can get better the nostalgia invades my soul remembering how happy I was.
Such a terrible year for me since the very start in January. I've lost my hope and my light.
My niece and nephew came over for a couple of days to visit and now they are gone I feel quite sad.
I've been thinking about my future and where I'm gonna move but still don't know. I got another job too. I have 2 jobs now but only work on Saturday two hours. Not enough to save money and move. I'm very worried and concerned cos my mother doesn't want me at home anymore since she reconciled with my dad. I don't wanna be here anymore but I'm afraid this depression follows me wherever I'll go and then ruin things.
I miss my ex so much and I can't stop thinking about him, about the happy life I wanted for us, and the family I wanted to have with him. I see happy people around me. My cousin hasn't stopped talking about how happy she is with her family and her husband. I don't get jealous, it just makes me feel bad.
Who is gonna love me then? If I have given my heart to people who don't care about me.
I'd like to be like my second ex bf, the one before the man I am here for. He is Irish too but he always told me people is mean and you need to be mean to everybody, I admire him he doesn't care about the feelings of others and seems to be unbreakable
If i had only listened to him of what he said to me about not giving my heart to someone you think you know and you think they love you, I wouldn't be so depressed. Anyway seems this pain is increasing and I feel worse than ever.
Hope everybody is ok!!! I just wanted to update my miserable life.
Ps. I have always though we need to be kind and brave and good things will come to our life. But I have realised people don't care about kindness at all.