Hello, I will just give you an update, and at the end I would like to ask something.
To begin with, I have been doing a lot of things to try to meet new people. I did many associations and meetings, but still nothing. Either people just don't come to those, or I don't feel great. I tried a few parties, but I felt awful. And now all I'm doing is staying home and going to university, and then back home. Because I really do not feel like I am going to meet new people anymore .I've tried too much, and I can't do this now.
So, I won't lie to you that it's annoying to find myself eating alone at lunch every single time. And sitting alone waiting for my course to start. But I guess it's the way it's gonna be.
I have an opportunity to return to my country and study there, but I don't know if it's gonna change. Yeah, courses will be a bit different, but what if people are the same? What if I can't find friends there too? So, I'm feeling miserable and sad every day. But I'm getting used to it. It's becoming a part of my life. And I'm learning to live with this feeling. But I won't lie to you that I feel so lonely and I really need a hug. And here people do not hug each other. And it's weird to just go and ask a random person for a hug.
So, I keep coming back to my past and my stupid ex. My friends in my country are mad at me. Because sometimes when I talk to them I tell them that I check his Instagram if he has unblocked me or something. Or I sometimes think about him. But that's because I'm looking for something familiar and he is something familiar. I'm needing a hug and he was the one giving me most hugs.
And one thing that probably keeps me going back to him is the fact that I feel angry that he some kind of « won »by the fact that he was the one ignoring me. He caused me so much pain during the relationship and he had to do the same after when actually I was the one who had to cut contact with him and make him feel bad for what he did to me. And now I'm feeling miserable because of this. Because it seems like for him I am the victim and he will be happy for making me feel bad. And I don't want this. Do you think I'm right? And is there something I can do or should do?
I am so desperate these days that I really feel like I’m gonna spend these three years alone and the next let’s say 10 years with no love in my life because it’s been five months since the break up and I’m still thinking about this bad person . And whenever I go and meet new people, I’m so open to everything friendships , relationships, wherever I just want to have close people and to have close people you have to start somewhere but I can’t even start it so I guess I should accept that I will be alone.
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sad_watermelon
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this is interesting .. I think I went thru something similar. The good news is that it is just temporary. Being a young adult is extremely hard so keep it going, one foot after the other and follow your heart. Look for joy and familiarity around you in your present, not your past and believe me one day you'll notice you finally let go. Don't be afraid, you'll love again.
I did not have the opportunity or support from parents and family to return home while on college. Instead I pushed through and it had some benefits yet it was a very dark time.
But flowers will dye in a few days. I guess I need something more lasting… I really wanted to adopt a dog, but I won’t have the right time to give to it because of my lectures. It won’t be fair for the dog. And if I have an animal I won’t be able to go home and see my family… god, I just need a real friend 😔
Maybe buy some relief oil. Like doterra breath ease, or doterra frankincense essential oils, a drop tastes great in a cup of green tea, these oils make me happier
Happier but still single, so I've got to get smarter, not harder. Never really know what tomorrow looks like, I'm expecting a new lover to walk straight into my life every day, it's going to happen eventually right
Hi,I wanted to comment on your thoughts surrounding going into the past with your ex. I can relate to your thoughts and questions as much as I am able. It's hard. It's incredibly hard. Your thoughts and questions are very valid. The only question I don't get is "am I right?" Do you mean being right about him trying to make you feel bad?
All I can tell you is where I'm at right now in my logical thinking in regards to my trauma. And that is: what does it matter? My emotional thinking is an absolute mess, but my logical thinking tells me to stop. To just stop. That I'm running myself into the ground by ruminating on this.
I totally get this! I've been telling myself this for wayyyyy toooo long. I'm actually incredibly annoyed with myself although I know I shouldn't be. My therapist told me that it's very important to be patient with myself. It takes as long as it takes.
I understand what you are kind of going through. It's your first real love and it's hard when you break up and you find out that the person who you cared about didn't really exist. So you are mourning the lost of the relationship but also the person who you thought he was. And that hurts to see that he's a real 🍆 And it was actually a good thing it ended.
But now you are in another country, trying to learn and everything is new. So your nervous system loves going back to the familiar hell. That's why you check his IG to see if he unblock you. Cause even if he was a jerk to you and verbally abusive...someone you know is talking to you. And you don't feel so alone.
I get why your friends get a little annoyed. They want what's best for you. And they want you to move on from this jerk. But nothing happens overnight. It's hard when you haven't found your people yet.
Maybe stop with the what ifs and whatever bad case you can think of. Try what if I do make friends in my country in theater? What if it does work out? Start asking your brain for those answers.
If you don't have time for a dog. Maybe look at volunteering at an animal shelter. You get to be around dogs and cats. Or just dogs if that's what you prefer. Maybe even might make some people there too.
what about fish? depending on how long you would be gone for home visits. they have feed for when you will be away for a few days. It desolves slowly. they are interesting. take some time to care for. and are very soothing to watch.
try and make peace with the fact that you have yourself for company. find things that make you happy to do alone. find some crafts you like to do. Or learn to do. Cooking, baking? have you ever heard of a junk journal? I think they are very intersting. check them out on pinterest.
as far as the ex, you split up for a reason. going back to see his social media just keeps prolonging the hurt. i know it's hard, ive done it myself. but when I forced myself not to look i found in a little while i didn't even think to check it. you think you will never find love. it will happen when you least expect it. you're young yet. enjoy yourself first.
Don't focus so much on meeting new people. There are a lot of meen and cruel people in the world. I know it gets lonely at times, even myself deal with wanting a close friend but I have kids ages 23, 18, 15, and 8. So they are my kids and my friends. I know u might not have that but maybe someone will come soon. Just don't give into bad temptation. Like with your ex. I know he knows you and understand your condition but those types up people will use that against you. Do more getting out and don't be afraid to have conversation with others. I'm also here to chat sometimes.
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Just going through the motions..
How do you tackle loneliness?
Loneliness
Loneliness and heartbreak
