Hello everybody, i haven't been around the last few days. Well i hope you all are ok.
I don't think i am gonna be ok never again, today as soon as i woke up i knew it was gonna be a bad day, i was so sad and depressed early this morning, i didn't want to go to work cos i felt very down but i had to go. All my way to work i was crying a bit and i remember feeling like this more than a year ago before i met my ex.
I must say i shouldn't be so dependent but i miss him so much, my life isn't the same since the breakup, no matter how much i try i just can't get better. I know no one can help me, i have to help myself but i can't, i don't see the point of being alive if i can't have peace in my soul.
No matter how much effort i put on the situation, he is on my mind every day, all day, i dream of him very very often so when i wake up is very tough. Every morning i wonder why i am still alive, i suffer very much when i am awake, when i am doing my stuff, i see this circle every day. I don't have dreams, no goals, no plans, i don't even know where i am standing, i have lost the path and i can't find it again.
I look back to my past, how happy i was, even with the smallest things and know i am so miserable. I took me so much time to build my happiness and stability and now i have none.
i constantly hate my life, i hate everything about me. I spent my sunday in bed sleeping cos when i am asleep i don't suffer. This has become to a huge problem, i never thought i was gonna deal with this pain again.
Now i am thinking of the next few days, my plan was to see him again in February, i was gonna go back to Ireland and i was gonna be with my love.
I have something on my brain that he said to me "We will have happy days in February" It is gonna be hard next month
Thanks for reading, you guys must be very tired of my problems and feelings.