Very alone

[vanessi]

Hello I've been absent a lot because all you know my situation.

I feel lost, this time I'm not gonna share my heart issues. What happened with my ex is over and I prefer to close that chapter in my life without talking about him as less as I can. I've become to a woman who hate life and hate people, every person I know has stabbed in the back.

I haven't wanted to share my feelings with anyone, poor Vanessa, I didn't deserve what happened to me.

Now I'm struggling again with my life because it sucks, no one wants to give me an opportunity about job. But well if the person who swore who loved me the most dumped me like trash what can I expected from people who don't know me and don't know I'm hard-working and responsible, they can't see my potential.

The thing is I'm two weeks off because "Semana Santa" and there is no school but I won't get paid because they don't want to pay I'm not working even though they are official holidays. How am I gonna survive 2 weeks without money? Well I have my mom but again the same problems, she doesn't want me to be here anymore and refund my stay. I'm desperate I have no where to go, I have no one.

I've been desperately searching jobs online but if they didn't call me since I came back from Ireland in November, they won't call me during these two free weeks.

I'm so desperate and I've been crying since I wake up. My economic situation is so bad right now and no one wants to help me. I've texted my cousin asking her if there are more jobs where she lives( in the border with America)

I'm at this point of my life where I have hit the bottom. I left everything for someone who didn't worth it and then he left me without job, money, home, hope, plans and love.

I don't know where to go, I wish I could kill myself but I'm very coward for that.

What can I do? I've been surviving with $300 (16 dollars) at week because I earn $600 (32 dollars) at week but I give my mom the half cos as I said she doesn't want me here.

I don't know what else to do with my life. Not even my parents wanna help me. I'm so stupid, and me thinking someone else could help me(my ex) not even my family do it!!!

I'm lost and alone in this world, I'd like to take a plane and go so far away

[Hidden]

Wow, that's a lot on your mind. I think you should really break things down... STEP ONE. until that first one is done, you've gotta find a way to cope. You sure can't get a job with all that other stuff on your mind and have a successful interview. What kinda job are you going for?

[vanessi in reply to Hidden]

I try that this situation doesn't affect my work. Actually I've only been called by the school I'm currently working. So I haven't had many job interviews

[schrodingercat]

I'm so sorry you're going through all this! Most pressing matters first: I don't know much about the social welfare of where you live, but if you need a free meal, sometimes cities or churches have soup kitchens or support shelters that can provide you with canned goods and consumables.

Please, please, please don't choose suicide as an escape. If you hold on as tightly as you have been and keep going, there's always a chance that things will get better. Ending your life, though, means ending any chance of things getting better. I'm so sorry you're suffering this and all the pain you've been through, but everyone here cares for you and wants you to keep fighting. ^^

If you feel helpless, sometimes it can really help to focus on little choices you can control -- what shirt you'll wear today, when you go out on errands and when you return, or what you'll have for a meal. I know those seem trivial against everything your facing, but it can be beneficial to have a reminder that you still have the power to make real and concrete decisions.

I'm sorry that all this is happening and that it's the reason for your post, but it is nice to hear from you again! ^^ Stay strong!

[vanessi in reply to schrodingercat]

Thanks for your words. Yes I'm not really thinking of killing myself, I just can't deal with things sometimes. I'm very desperate but there is not much I can do

[Sillysausage234]

Hope things get better soon.

[vanessi in reply to Sillysausage234]

Thanks

[gogogirl]

I am confused. You said you make 600 dollars a week then you said you make 32 dollars a week. Six hundred for a young person ( at least in the USA) and even for some older people is pretty darn good! Also, I happened to see something called VIPKids which sounded like it was for education of kids who spoke more than one language. Maybe they are online?

[schrodingercat in reply to gogogirl]

A friend of mine teaches for VIPKids -- they offer online English language tutoring to kids in China. Because of the time difference, the hours might be rough, but they do pay pretty well. Vanessi, I think your teaching experience would give you a leg up in the application process if you decided to try them out. ^^

[vanessi in reply to schrodingercat]

Can I apply ?

[schrodingercat in reply to vanessi]

I think so! Here, I'll get you a link to their website: t.vipkid.com.cn/?_version=2

They have tons of information there about getting started and their application process. ^^

[vanessi in reply to schrodingercat]

Thank you so much, I'll check the link out. I only hope things can get better soon. I'm tired of my life

[gogogirl in reply to vanessi]

Why don't you apply? It can't hurt, and I will bet you will succeed!

[vanessi in reply to gogogirl]

32 dollars at week

[gogogirl in reply to vanessi]

What is the six hundred then? I also wanted to wish you a Happy Easter and Spring as well as new beginnings. Remember, your situation is temporary.

[vanessi in reply to gogogirl]

Six hundred pesos is the equivalent of 32 dollars. Thank you. Happy Easter

[gogogirl in reply to vanessi]

Ah, I learned something. I wish you well with VIPKIDS or anyother organization that would be lucky to have you. Have you looked outside of Ed also at least temporarily? A Happy Easter to you again, and it is so rewarding to hear from you. Stay in touch. I was just curious- what does a rental cost per month in pesos?

[gogogirl]

At any rate it's nice to hear from you again- and you are quite generous to give this money you do not have to your parents. Have they asked you for that- after all you have not been working all that long. No wonder you are upset. You have not done anything wrong.

[vanessi in reply to gogogirl]

Yes, the money was asked by my mother but I know I'm an adult and I need to pay bills, I have no problem with that my only problem is I have no a good and well paid job! So it's hard at the moment

[Amcs0609]

Hi,

I understand financial hardships. I went on disability and haven't gotten paid yet. I am trying everything I can. Depending on where you are, there are resources that can help you. If you are in education, I know of a number of sites that advertise for jobs. You may also want to get your resume checked to see if it really is appealing to employers.

[vanessi in reply to Amcs0609]

Yes, but I'm not in USA I'm in Mexico

[AMIGOMAN]

Hey PRINCESS Vanessi !!!

Take a plane,

Straight to me !!!!

I know EXACTLY how u feel.

U are a very BEAUTIFUL girl,

U have to stay strong and positive and happy.

Do not give inn to getting depressed etc.

U can do it,

Trust me on it.

XxX