Angry. Empty. Lonely. Feeling defeated. Sick and tired and for it guilt plagues me maybe because also I haven’t succeeded in getting over anxiety. I feel hate toward my existence. I want to die tonight. I need to die. Why do I keep swinging back and forth? Why am I so annoying? When I plunge I plunge deep. I feel like more than one person and that I don’t belong anywhere. The illlness keeps me from freedom and from showing some people that I love them sometimes. I isolate and evade. But I try so hard also, to just be, and maybe I try too hard and care too much. I care. So much bothers me. Just got into a fight with a loved one. Feeling alone in misery. Nothing that I find that helps me seems to stick. I find another new way that I become excited about because it starts helping and that too looses its effectiveness.