Feeling terrible

[Kevin160]

Its been a week and i still get these daily headaches , im always stressed , anxious, i feel these heart palpitations all the time, its frustrating and so tiring to just feel like this all the time, whenever i get over an obstacle another one strikes, and in most cases they just pile up on top of each other

I try to be patient, i try to be positive but its so damn hard when every step forward i get 20 steps back, this whole thing mostly started in december and i still feel terrible , it gets better sometimes but i still feel like im dying most of the time, im tired , have nausea, lack of appetite, its just super frustrating, i get moments where its like super easy to feel optimistic but then other times i feel frightened over the thought of leaving my bed, i just dont know what to do , everytime i try something it either backfires or doesnt work , and i know deep down im fine and its silly but i feel like i dont have control over my body, my vision sucks , i keep getting migraines and on top of that everything in my life is just pressuring me more and more , like i seriously feel nothing else can go worse, i cant go a day without panicking or worrying, yes i cant ignore that i made progress but i feel like im going to die sometimes because of all the symptoms and fear, it hasnt been 2 months yet but i just feel that this constant anxiety has taken over, and it sucks honestly , im sorry i dont mean to just rant over this ,

I always remind myself im in a much better situations, im physically healthy and my life is ok i guess, but i just wish that i didnt worry this much over stress, its the same cycle , because i remember how terrible it feels to be this anxious, i stress over it , and it goes on ..my bp doesnt even rise that much with stress because im young and healthy, there is not even a reason i should be that worried, i know its normal but i just cant seem to think about the present, i keep thinking that if i stay like this in the future i will get a stroke or a heart attack, i will never lead a normal life, i will never do the things i want to do, everyone will go on without me , i get these thoughts that even when i try to ignore my body reacts to them ..i tried alot and it helps temporarily then sometimes i feel totally down sometimes just for thinking about my future or my past, nothing seems positive , everything looks scary , between what im going through and what i will go through , i just want to go back in time but at the same time i still want to have the knowledge and growth i learnt from this experience, but i just get better for a while then feel horrible the next..and no one in my family is being supportive currently, litteraly no one im always alone and its hard to stay distracted ... im sorry again im not looking for advices or pitty i just felt the need to express how i feel because its making me feel better

The things making me feel calmer are things like knowing if it goes downhill i can suck it up and start meds ..although thats my fear to go this bad but meh

That my bp doesnt rise that much even with anxiety so i dont think i will die from a bp of 140/90 and it goes down whenever i breath deeply and check again

That my fears are irrational and i always find a solution for all my problems before..i just know it needs time and that is something i need to face, as many advices i got i have all that in my head its just easier said than done, im trying though i am and im happy with my progress its just frustrating when u take a few steps back when u feel proud after all the progress

[Jeff1943]

Kevin, You are obsessing over your symptoms. You will not recover that way, you will only make yourself more and more fearful pumping out more and more fear hormone causing more and more symptoms.

To recover you must totally accept all the symptoms that come your way (for the time being). Don't keep testing to see if they have gone away, if you do that they won't.

So I say again accept them, accept them and accept them and do so without fear because these phantom symptoms do not represent real illness, they are just blips in your nervous system.

Remember the key phrase: Learn to live with your anxiety and you'll be able to live without it.

[Kevin160 in reply to Jeff1943]

Ok ill keep trying

[Kevin160 in reply to Jeff1943]

Its difficult to accept something that i think will kill me though

[Kevin160 in reply to Jeff1943]

Im scared to because i know that all this stress is not harmless, my vision is affected, i get headaches daily now, im always tieed, i dont have an appetite, im losing weight , i feel short of breath always and i have body aches all the time and everything feels like its falling apart

[Calm_mama in reply to Kevin160]

Nope- it's harmless. I'd be a goner by now if it wasn't! And I'm ridiculously healthy despite many years of raging anxiety, insomnia, palpitations, dizziness, nausea, panic, intrusive thoughts, brain fog, the OCD tendencies, weight loss, all kinds of GI issues, etc etc I could go on....

This is all very hard. No doubt about it.

I'm so sorry you're not getting support from your family. Can you let them know you want/need therapy and leave it at that without going into detail with them? Therapy is a must right now IMO

As for meds- My opinion is that there's no "getting to a stage where it's that bad" Meds are given to some people, some times, when they are struggling. It's a decision between you and the doc. They can really nudge people. My daughter is on an SSRI and when she started it, got a fantastic nudge from it. I was on an SSRI at one point and frankly should have stuck it out, but didn't. I would take it again in a heartbeat if I needed it.

Therapy. Get into therapy. It's a gift you need to give yourself! AND an anxiety support group/class. Or a CBT or DBT class. Either will help you so much! My daughter and, I swear, at least 1/3 of her high school are in therapy at this one center near us. There is no shame, no weakness with therapy. We should all be in therapy at certain stages of our lives if you ask me...

[iknow_iunderstand in reply to Calm_mama]

Calm-mama, you gave Kevin some terrific advice!! The only thing that I would like to mention is that sometimes our anxiety and depression become so overwhelming that it can become harmFUL It has reached that point for me on several occasions.

[Kevin160 in reply to Calm_mama]

You think i never said it, i told them many times, but either they say i dont need it or they will think about it and see, and they dont take anything i say seriously..they always think im doing it for attention or its just a phase ..i would probably never be in this situation if they actually listened , but whenever i try to tell them anything they litteraly ignore me sometimes, not out of hatred or they just dont care but they never think i might actually have a problem or need helo because. They think i. Too young for such things, which is ridiculous considering all the things i went through because of them

[Calm_mama in reply to Kevin160]

Hi Kevin,

So sorry, I didn't understand/know that before- that your parents are aware but unable to support/help. So sorry I missed that!

My advice is to call your doc. Set up a visit and tell him everything - everything that you've told us here and let him know you need assistance getting the therapeutic help you need. I recommend that you don't leave until you have a very solid plan for follow up.

[Kevin160 in reply to Calm_mama]

And see, i always gets opposite advices here , some people litteraly say oh if you stay like this you will die, and others say if you stayed like this you will be ok , and to be honest i dont know what to think this sucks

[Calm_mama in reply to Kevin160]

If you "stay like this" you'll be physically fine. A little adrenaline never hurt anyone. I can support that statement in about 100 scientifically-based ways.

[ChicagoGirl1961]

Stop thinking so much and analyzing everything. You know how irrational this is by your own words. Meds? By all means give them a shot, they can be real game changer. And if you start meds don't Google the side effects or you will probably manifest the symptoms just from your anxiety. Just LIVE YOUR LIFE. Just let life happen, roll with it and try to enjoy the journey. You are fine and you know this, and if for some reason you continue to dwell on illnesses which you DO NOT HAVE, see a physician and get some help. You don't have to take my advice, but I think you would do yourself a world of good if you followed the some of the good advice you have received from others, it seems as though you simply dismiss it and conciously choose to continue in the same repetitive negative thought process that leads to this depressed and anxious state of mind. Make the decisive choice to take the steps to get well rather than perpetuating the same behavior that drives your anxiety. You can get better, but YOU have to make it happen. Good luck and be well.

[iknow_iunderstand]

Wow, Kevin!! I really feel for you. So young and so terribly distressed! Honestly, all the feeling and emotions that you are describing hit home for me also. Unfortunately, there is no easy fix. But, I wholeheartedly commend you for joining this support group and expressing your pain, fear and hopelessness. Just having this outlet is a way to begin to heal!! Definitely speak to your parents about seeing your doctor regarding maybe starting meds, even if it ends up being a temporary thing! Continue posting and posting and posting and posting. You have fellow sufferers and ones who have successfully climbed up from despair, just the position that you are in now. Don't try to deal with this challenge on your own! We've all been there & many of us are there now, including me. And, yes indeed, you have inspired and uplifted me tonight because I see the fight in you and the bravery you have to confide in all of us!! Please talk to your parents tonite or tomorrow about seeing or following up with a doctor!! Best wishes to you Kevin. Dude, you're a WARRIOR!!! Remember that!!