I feel empty from time to time. I try to be strong, I do good for awhile but I find my self back here again in this darkness. I wish I can marry and have a wife someday and friends who I can get along with and trust. Social phobia ripped that away from me and even after so many years of doctors and different medications I still find my self back here in this lonely hole of despair. I'm trying by the grace of God to be strong and I don't mean to sound ungrateful of all the blessings I do have. I just find myself here again alone and sad. What's my purpose?? I wish I knew that answer, Why are things like this for me?? Idk. I'm hoping I get the answers one day.Sorry for this depressing rant I just need to get my emotions out even if I don't feel I matter. I don't mean to sound ungrateful I know people go through worse in many different personal obstacles in their own lives. My anxiety,depression,guilt and overthinking is beating me up right now.
Sorry if I'm sounding ungrateful, things could be way worse for me. I know. I hate finding myself back in this lonely hole of despair. I'm trying to stay strong by God.
Thank you whoever read all my rant.
Written by
Shield_Of_Faith
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The anxiety and darkness will always return. Do not measure that as a failure. Measure how long it lasts. Attack it. I had a huge depressive hit two days ago. BUT it only lasted for 4 hours. I had one last for 8 YEARS. Measure the length. How quickly can you throw it off? Every hour shorter is your victory. Reach out for help like you did by posting. Build a system designed to pull you out. It will be a two steps forward, one step back process. But in each success you WILL GAIN THAT 1 STEP.
wow - you gave me insight even though the post was meant for our friend Shield_of_Faith. I noticed my most recent episode only lasted about a month which is shorter than prior depressions. It was painful and miserable but I pushed through knowing the wave would eventually recede.
Shield, I’m so sorry about your difficult situation - loneliness is a very real epidemic made worse by covid. We don’t judge you so keep posting and stay engaged as best you can. Hugs 🤗
I'm sorry you are having a tough time. Don't ever apologize for how you are feeling. We are all here to support each other and just because you might feel some have it worse doesn't make your problems less important. You don't sound ungrateful at all. You do sound grateful for what you have. It's difficult being lonely, have been there myself. Wish I had some words of wisdom for you..The biggest thing is you DO matter. Hope things get better for you...
l am sorry you are having a bad time again. Do not worry about the pressures of this world. They are unimportant compared to our eternal home. They are transient. Live your life with peace and let Jesus deal with your issues. His timing is perfect and not in your hands. You are exactly where he wants you to be. You are the apple of his eye. He knows what we need, not what we want. Keep looking to him and you will be ok. God bless.
I've gone around and around some about determining our purpose and have come to the conclusion that our primary purpose is to learn to love ourselves unconditionally. There are many distractions and cultural/societal/religious conditions that try to prevent us from doing that but I think it is fundamentally what we are here for and what all the spiritual teachers were really teaching. When we love ourselves unconditionally it makes it much easier to love others and life here on this planet. It also helps us make peace with our ego which can help us further in understanding and cultivating our external purpose.
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Alone 
What to think anymore...
