Feeling sad and don't know why

[missskippy]

I feel like crying but don't know why. It feels like I am missing something. I have supportive parents but they are old and I don't want them to feel they have to worry about me, so I don't tell them anything now, because I don't think they know I can feel sad and not know why. I have sisters and one is always pushing me to read or listen to things positive. I don't want to or I'm just tired and have no energy. She gets mad at me when she sends me things to read and if I don't she is upset. she is also impatient and blames me for being depressed because she thinks it is my fault I am the way I am or enjoy it. I told her how I feel and my parents too and told them to just do their thing without me, I feel the pressure of pretending I am well. I just want to be alone sometimes and I have also read things my sister sent me. I find it boring and it doesn't help. She gets mad and then all of a sudden I feel bad I hurt her. I feel like she thinks she is the victim and told her to stop making me do things I know I won't do till I feel better. I then hear my mom wondering why I am not better when lots of people get over depression after only a few months or less, while I have it now for over 25 years. It hurts and then when I feel like I want to just die and get over it I don't because of my family. I don't work, can't. I feel useless. I am the one who should be taking care of my parents because they are getting older and I am the oldest of three sisters and they act older than me and told me not to talk to them if it is going to be about feeling depressed. I have screamed and cried at them telling them they are crazy if they think I like feeling depressed, and told them I am only alive now because of them. How long do I have to feel obligated to live unhappy to make others happy? Thanks for listening. I read this quote and it feels like me. Maybe you will like it or give others something to think about.

[Agora1]

missskippy, Thank you for sharing that beautiful quote. It is my way of thinking. It wasn't always like that it took a long time to know who I am and my reason for being here.

We get in trouble when we start thinking we should be a certain way because of others. Sorry, life doesn't work that way. It only puts more demands on us and brings us down even more. There were times I wished I could hide. It was embarrassing to always be the one who never got better to an invisible disorder. My mother too, couldn't understand why I wasn't well enough like my sister to take care of her. (But she never had anxiety) Actually she could have run laps around me but she (unlike me) loved the attention from family. And when she didn't get it, I was put down and made to feel like less of a person.

We shouldn't have to feel obligated to family. We all do what we can with what we have been given in life. Not being validated as a functioning part of the family circle just continues to allow our mental health issues grow. I hope you can get the therapy you need as I did. Knowing how to handle the repercussions of family and friends not understanding. xx

[missskippy in reply to Agora1]

Thank you so much. Your words lifted my spirits up. I hope you have a good night.

[crowningglory19]

Your sister is probably going thru her own things, don't make them yours. She is probably a fixer, or middle child peace maker like me, lol. We want to help people whether they want it or not. =D

You may be going thru hormonal imbalance and/or adrenal fatigue which make us lose any drive or emotions other than loss or sadness. I went thru something similar several years ago and it was both. Changing my diet and taking supplements helped me a lot! (Magnesium and ginseng help by calming mind body and spirit and getting rid of sticky negative thoughts that loop around. Magnesium malate is best type.) I don't go to prescriptions unless I have to, since their side effects are not good for me. 25 yrs is a long time to be dealing with this!

If you can't work, what about volunteering? It helps us while we help others. It gets us out of ourselves and own problems. Helping others will give you purpose but not overwhelm you since you control how much you do. Do not let obligations steal your joy, do things you want to do, do fun! Take classes, activities, meetups, go outside, hike, look at stars...things that make you breathe deep of the good things of life. Yes, you are valuable, you are loved, you are worth much! Did something tragic happen as you were younger, or did you have sibling favoritism that made you feel unloved? Talk w someone, counseling is offered free at many churches.

[missskippy in reply to crowningglory19]

Thanks for your advice. I just find it hard to leave the house unless I walk my dog at 5am or after 2 am. I don't see other people, but it is not safe to be out at that time, I think but it gives me a chance to go out. I don't go on out on Fri. or Sat night because bar closes at 2am and too many drunks. But you nailed it with my sister. She is the middle child. She is into hypnosis and other things like that. thank you for replying

[crowningglory19 in reply to missskippy]

Oh wow, you might be deficient in Vitamin D3 too, then with no sunshine! That can also bring on depression and anxiety. See if you can make your self just for 10 minutes a day , it will help a lot! <3

[missskippy in reply to crowningglory19]

I volunteered to go with WHO, and go to Africa to help with the people who have Ebola virus. I want to go where they need volunteers because so many don't want to go help. I'll try to take Vit D. It makes me feel better to again work with patients. I'm not afraid to go. I can also pick to go to Puerto Rico to treat people, build houses once or get help someone to teach me, so \i don't keep hammering my finger and miss the nail.

[Agora1 in reply to missskippy]

missskippy, you are truly pure of heart and have human compassion. It is so beautiful to see that in a person. Follow your dream , it will fulfill you. xx

[missskippy in reply to Agora1]

Thank you. I can concentrate on helping others and not always focus on how I feel all the time. I enjoyed talking to you.

[baileyf14]

Hello! I am sorry you are going through this. Depression is a really difficult thing to go through. They may just be acting this way because they are not well educated about the situation. Have you tried seeking professional help? This may help get to the root of your situation and can really help you. I hope everything gets better!

[missskippy]

Thank you for your nice words. My family knows what depression is because it is affecting more people now, so it's on tv documentaries and I told them, the problem is they thought it wouldn't last this long because other people who they know and has it get better. I have seen Psychiatrists, counselors and I try to understand what they want me to do. I already do things and the advice never seems different. I sometimes know what they want to hear and then it feels like I can be studying to be a counselor because I have seen so many. My highest marks post-high school in University is in Psychology. Maybe I know from experience. I'm trying to feel better and I will but it doesn't last months. I appreciate your concern.