Feeling empty

[Shyle]

I've been feeling void for many years now. I don't find anything interesting anymore. I feel like ending my life but I feel bad for my parents who spent so much to raise me, so I might end my life after they're gone or something. I can't leave without paying back all the love and care they gave me right? Is it funny to feel this way? I feel like no one around me really understands me. I have ADHD and it makes life tougher after finishing high school. My family isn't exactly well off and the cost of prescribed adderall isn't cheap either.. I couldn't cope with my university assignments and this is already the third university, after dropping out from the other two universities due to immense workload. My father told me that this is the last time he's willing to support my studies. I just cried. I feel stupid for crying

[thatjuanguy]

I know how that feels but I promise you that it is not the answer. And I know that life wife ADHD is not easy but if university is giving that much trouble there are other jobs or maybe a trade school smaller work load less stressful and can still lead to good career. You should never feel stupid for crying it’s helps work things out for some people and it’s perfectly normal. Have you talked to your parents about how much you struggle?

[Shyle in reply to thatjuanguy]

Thanks for your support! I think I'm feeling stressed now is because this university doesn't have a scholarship system that covers tuition fee for the whole syllabus like the other two universities had. We just signed the agreement to receive education loan and the sum is meager compared to the cost of tuition fee for 3 years. I don't want to give up right after signing the loan agreement but it's stressing me out. My dad has sinusitis and he gets some really bad migraines when he's under pressure. I don't think it would help if I quit right after we signed the loan agreement.. We talked about my mental disorder sometimes. But here in where I live, having diagnosed with a mental disorder is just another label for your medical report. Unless you're sitting in a wheelchair or heavily disabled, most of the people tend to shrug it off. People only mention my intellectually disabled cousin, who is both autistic and hyperactive, when they think of ADHD. It somehow makes me feel sadder thinking that I have to be either mentally retarded or fail all of my classes to get people to acknowledge my ADHD

[thatjuanguy in reply to Shyle]

If you don’t want to quit then don’t you are stronger than you know but do you have something you like to do that relives stress because that can be very helpful. And yeah it’s sad how often people shrug off things like anxiety, depression, and definitely ADHD saying you worry to much or that your just sad be happy. Nobody gets how hard it is to concentrate when your brain is literally thinking about a thousand different things at the same time. When they can’t see it most people don’t really believe it exists or that you can fix it easy and you just don’t want to or they just want to throw some pills at it. But I believe with practice and good stress relievers we can get through the day to day stuff.

[AZ1970]

Going to school takes a lot from you. When you cannot concentrate it is almost impossible to keep up. Many Add meds come in generic. Is there something that you could take that wouldn't be so expensive? Additionally, it sounds like you are dealing with depression. The suicidal thoughts and loss of interest along with crying seem to point to that. I would see a doctor right away and let him/her know what you are feeling. Don't let things go too long. You are young. You don't want these neuropathways getting any stronger. Sending a big hug.

[Shyle in reply to AZ1970]

- Hugs back - Thank you! I'm prescribed with 20mg adderall. I had ritalin before but the effects didn't last long for me to complete my assignments. But those drugs have too many side effects that overlap with my anemic symptoms(palpitations) the feeling I usually get when I'm about to faint is giving me anxiety since I'm not studying architecture anymore I might have to reduce my dosage, hopefully it wouldn't be as expensive. The psychiatric clinic is 2 hours away from where I live, I'll talk to my psychiatrist about my problems on next appointment

[Hidden]

Your emotions aren’t stupid and neither are you! You’re smart, capable and about to face the world which can sometimes be scary. Place your focus on your positive attributes. Dwelling on the negative aspects of life can be very draining.

Maybe you could talk to your parents openly and honestly about your depressive feelings. Hopefully they will surprise you with their support. You never know until you try. Be prepared though, that they may not be receptive. Hoping you begin carving your way that leads to your journey!!

[Shyle in reply to Hidden]

Thank you! I'll try to share more about how I feel with my parents. I know they care, especially my mom. She cares for me a lot. But sometimes people can be forgetful and it hurts when they forget about everything next day

[Hidden in reply to Shyle]

That’s because it’s not happening to them and they’re unable to identify with you. Just take it slow and easy thinking positive thoughts as much as you can!!

[gogogirl]

Well, if the uni you are attending is not a fit- are there professors who can help you or is there a disability center on campus ? Also,, since your parents know you have ADHD , have you talked with them not only about meds but about what it is like? Is there also a support group for students who have this? Some of our most creative minds have had ADHD before it was common to diagnose. I myself as an older person have some challenges in keeping organized. I hope you can talk to a doctor or someone from the university med center as well unless you have done that already. Do you live on campus?