Dating with depression is SCARY

[Annabanana0715]

Ugh help!!

So I’ve finally gotten to a point where I’ve felt stable enough in myself to finally start putting myself out there after my breakup almost a year ago, and I’ve been hitting it off with a couple different guys through tinder. One of them has invited me to dinner and a movie tonight (in two hours) and it sounds fun but my anxiety is telling me it will just be awful and awkward (because I mean first dates usually are), and my depression is telling me to just stay in the bed and maybe just sleep through it instead. But this guy seems really sweet and I don’t want to bail. Typing this while lying in bed. The cloudy/rainy weather isn’t helping. I thought taking my Vyvanse for my ADD and my (recently upped in dose) antidepressant would help but I’m still being a bed dweller at 4:30 pm. Help!!! 🚨🚨🚨 I need to start getting ready and telling my depression to stfu so I can be a normal person.

[Annabanana0715]

Okay wow so now my Vyvanse is DEFINITELY kicking in and my anxiety is jumping and my heart is racing but it’s also giving me the energy to get out of bed and go do something! I just hope it doesn’t make me feel and act manic for my date 😬 bahhhh managing mental health is tricky and stressful!!

[Wilsonman in reply to Annabanana0715]

Try to focus on the positive. I'm sure you will have a lovely time. Worst case scenario you may just not click. If you don't take the chance you will never know

[Hidden]

Hiya Anna, 1st question obviously how did your date go ? You know the fact you are trying tinder, proves you are moving forward, just put the bad things to the back of your mine, they will fade. Take care xx

[Jayman3]

Hey Anna , am anxious to find out how your date went . I was like you. After my ex, life hit me hard and I got depressed and didn’t date for 3 years . Went back online - spent dayssss in bed chatting like a normal girl and pushed hard to go on dates . Takes a while until I found someone online . Just try to have fun and not “think” depression take control of our minds and make us feel alone - reason why we always end up in bed

[Annabanana0715]

Okay yeah so surprisingly the date went pretty well! Of course it was a bit awkward like all first dates are, and of course I'm still in my head thinking back about "I talked way too much about things that weren't relevant", "I kept getting too distracted to tell a cohesive story so he was probably so bored and like 'I wish this girl would get to the point'", and there were a few specific moments I look back and cringe so hard at myself for, but I was surprised at how well it went! He was very cute and very nice, and I even felt comfortable enough around him to do a bit of light leaning on him during the movie haha (it sounds childish but I've had some major issues lately with feeling like I would never feel organic, butterfly-inducing-but-not-painfully-awkward sexual attraction to someone since I struggle to feel any sort of not-forced sexual attraction towards anyone since I left my ex almost a year ago. So that was very nice for me). Plus we saw Black Panther and it was AMAZING! xD We're even talking about having a second date soon! I'm so excited!

I'm trying not to over-think this too much, but part of me is also hesitant towards him because I've also been hitting it off with another Tinder guy who I feel "gets me" a lot more. (His name is Kevin and the guy I went on a date with Sunday is named Eric, for reference haha) He also struggles with depression (a first in my dating experience), and we have much deeper conversations about philosophy and life in general. We're supposed to have dinner tomorrow night and I'm not as nervous with him because I feel like I know him pretty well now, (we even went to the same high school at the same time, but never knew each other) even though I know meeting someone in person is completely different than talking online.

My best friend who has a lot of tinder experience tells me not to worry about it and has always given me the advice to "not put all your eggs in one basket", but since I'm starting to get so much closer to both of them, I feel bad that I won't be able to keep up getting closer to both of them at the same time. It sounds like a teen drama when I say it like that lol, but as a super empathetic person the idea of having to eventually break it off with one of them is daunting. I also feel more hesitant towards Eric (the guy I just went on the date with), because he reminds me a lot of my ex. He's very sweet, very gentlemanly, seems very strong and stable (physically, mentally, financially), but also seems to be a bit simple and boring. With my ex, I stayed with him wayyy too long because my ex was all of those great things, but because he was so safe and simple, I was never really *in love* with him, and felt like I was wasting his time a bit because he was so in love with me, but I could never get the courage to break his heart until the relationship started to just crumble at the roots. I'm worried that the lure of comfort and safety (and to be honest, really good looks) will pull me back into the same trap. He seems like he would make a great boyfriend, but no one I would want to spend the rest of my life with.

Ugh. Wow this is a lot of overthinking and I'm sorry y'all don't have to read all this but I'm basically just treating this like a journal entry/group therapy session now. hahah xD

[Jayman3 in reply to Annabanana0715]

Hehehe aww , that’s amazing !

Yeah I dates a lot of guys online before I met my now partner (bf if you may) and shhhh don’t tell my mum .

He is the opposite of all the guys I’ve ever been with but someone (coincidentally) he’s got a few characteristics as my ex. But way loving and caring .

Tinder isn’t really a place to find someone who will treat you like a lady. So yeah your friend is right , don’t put all your eggs in one basket.

Which country are you in ?

If so, I will advice you to get bumble dating app instead . It’s got a lot of potential guys. I met lots of guys wanting to have a relationship with me and all loving (depending on how we clicked) and got the first time On my life I was the one with a choice.

Hope dinner goes well .

You sound pretty amazing and sure any guy will be lucky to have you

[Annabanana0715 in reply to Jayman3]

I'm in America haha the southeast to be exact. (So boys with dead fish, dead deer, confederate flags, or trump stickers are a good eliminator hahaha). And yeah, I've tried Bumble, nothing wrong with it it's pretty good but having two dating apps (and especially one with a timer and one where I have to initiate contact) gets to be a bit too much for my easily-overwhelmed, depressed, fragile, little brain 😂.

But the guys I've found on tinder haven't been too bad. Usually you can tell who just wants a hookup (because they're VERY upfront about it) and who actually wants a relationship haha. And no shame in finding your boyfriend on a dating app! It's how a lot of people meet nowadays, and if we're all looking for our soulmate (if such a thing exists), why not widen your net to look in a place where you would find someone you wouldn't meet in real life? I get moms and really anyone in older generations can be very judgy though. Us newfangled kids with our apps and fancy telephones talking to strangers over the world wide web instead of talking to people in person like they had to back in the day! 😂

[Annabanana0715]

And I guess to give another update: I met guy #2 (Kevin) last night, and we had a great time! Our conversation flowed so easily and we talked about such great topics, the waitress had to politely pressure us to leave once we were done so she could fill our booth with new customers. haha 😂 Although unfortunately, I didn't really feel much of a romantic or sexual connection, it just felt like talking to a good friend. This would be awesome (because I'm definitely in need of some interesting local friends to hang with) except he expressed in a text that after meeting me in person and seeing that I was "just in cool in person as over text" and that he felt like he was "falling for me". It was then that (I think) my antidepressant had worn off) and the idea of responding to such an honest and emotionally revealing text in an honest, straight-up, but kind and empathetic way that wouldn't destroy the rapport we had built up to that point seemed soooooo impossible. So instead I stayed up for 5 hours later than I should have and guilted myself for not responding to him and woke up right before my afternoon therapy appointment 🙃 lol. But I'm much better now so I may respond to him soon after I get off these addicting message boards hahah 😂

Plus, as I was ruminating and feeling so sad about the fact that it took me 3 hours to motivate myself just to get up and take a dang shower, guy #1 (Eric) sent me a "You probably fell asleep but just wanna make sure you're okay and say goodnight!" text, which I could respond to much more easily. So he stayed up with me during my insane insomnia episode, and I told him about how the depression episode I was experiencing wasn't necessarily making me sad, (which is what he assumed I meant when I casually mentioned I had dealt with depression before) but rather just sucked out all my motivations and made simple tasks that I would normally do without even thinking, seem completely impossible, and he was really nice and understanding about it! It was nice to be able to find a way to express my major depressive disorder symptoms to someone who hasn't experienced clinical depression before and in a way that doesn't make me sound like a pathetic fragile sad sack. 😂 Even if I felt like one at the time and had burst into tears over not having enough energy to brush out my hair after my shower right before sending the text hahah. But now I'm feeling a lot better than yesterday, especially since I talked to my wonderful therapist today about all this and am working on getting a better grip on taking my medications consistently.