Bipolar depression?

I have been feeling so depressed and disconnected lately. I have gotten this way before many times. Sometimes it lasts for a really long time.. months.. and then I'm fine. But that lasts even shorter than the depression. Is this bipolar depression? I feel like I've never understood myself. No one else understands me. I've never gotten the help I really need because no one cares or believes anything I say. So I struggle, quietly, by myself. For the last couple weeks I have spent my days going through the motions like a zombie just to get through the day. At night, I just cry and cry. I feel like I can't ever see any positive in my life and I just focus on every bad decision I've made and how unhappy I feel.

I just want to be happy but I'm convinced that I never will be with this depression. I've been on meds half my life and nothing seems to work. I notice I just go numb.

For anyone who has ever gotten out of this by learning meditation or self healing, please help. I've been wanting to learn how to change my life and I don't even know where to start.

[Hidden]

I wish you the very best of luck !

Rick

[Hidden]

That's a tricky one with bipolar. Turning your mind away from the unhappiness you have had and blaming yourself all the time is part of the course. The moods you have may be made worse by any number of reasons some of them physical, but what has gone wrong in your life and relationships and is it because you get angry, or cant talk, or are moody which has broken relationships? Focussing on your good points, is difficult if you feel undermined, but still managing your work whilst working is good. I really think sleep makes all the difference. If you get a good nights sleep every night, then your health is better. I take a sleeping pill because I tried all the stuff, recommended from turning of the computer, an hour before bedtime cutting down on light in the bedroom, thinking of my biorhythms but a sleep disorder unrecognised, can give rise to depression anxiety, and malaise.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thank you so much. I usually don’t sleep well at all. I could definitely improve it.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

yeah - it does all the difference.

[Ambien1711]

If you believe you are having periods of bipolar AND then depression, there is a new med out called Vraylar for those mixed episodes. Maybe ask your doc. I am sorry you are feeling so isolated with no one understanding you. I am foreign (full-blood German) living in the USA and no one understands me either, my accent, or my way of thinking. I know how hard it is to be different. Work on understanding yourself. Show yourself lots of self-love! You will make it! I am always here if you wanna drop me a line whenever.

[Hidden in reply to Ambien1711]

I have no idea what it is. Sometimes I just get extremely sad and it could lasts a few weeks and then I'll be okay and I could be really happy.... I've suffered from depression most of my life and u still don't understand it. It's also hard to find any decent help around here. Doctors don't seem to listen or care at all. Finding a good counselor has been the hardest thing ever. Sometimes I wish I had one of those awesome therapists in the movies, but they don't exist in real life.