Anxiety and Depression Support
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Dating someone with depression

Hi,

I'm really just looking for a little advice. I have recently started dating this guy. He's 32 and has separated from his wife for about 8 or 9 months.

Basically everything was going great, but it was his wedding anniversary last week and he is a very emotional guy and he's suddenly started acting differently, not really talking, not eating properly, crying a lot, just generally not acting 'himself'.

From everything I've been looking at online the way he has been acting makes me believe that he could be depressed. He suddenly broke up with me saying he's not in a good place at the moment and doesn't want me to have to 'put up' with him when he's like this.

And please believe me this post is not me being upset that he's effectively broken up with me (whilst I am upset) This post is more about concern and wanting to know how to help him.

So what I am looking for is a bit of help and advice on what I can do to support him. I promise you all this is NOT about what I can do so we can get back together I just don't like seeing him like this and really want to try and help work through this with him.

Has anyone ever dated anyone with depression? I'm just not sure what to do to help him. I text him every now and again (I try not to message him all teh time as I dont to annoy him) I basically just let him know that I am here for him if he wants to talk and if he needs anything then he can call me - he does always respond I am just wondering of there is anything else I can do

Thanks

6 Replies
oldestnewest

This is just me. If he isn't divorced and has been so for at least a couple of years- RUN!

3 likes
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Quite a few people have told me teh same thing! lol! Maybe I should start listening!

2 likes
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I agree. Life is too short. He might still be in love with his wife.

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Dating any married person is the recipe for trouble. It appears it takes about two years after a divorce is finalized, before all the steps of death and dying are over. A divorce is a death of a marriage. Anyone who gets involved before that is going to end up being collateral damage sooner or later.

There are professionals to help someone going through the war of divorce. Let them be the ones to help and be involved as they do not have a personal vested interest. You will be just a crutch (AND the "other woman") only to the extent he needs you, and then he'll move on....because he doesn't know really what he wants now. Nor does he know who he'll be after those two years.

Don't be collateral damage. He may be a fine man, but it takes two for a divorce. You deserve better. Don't try to morph your intimate relationship with him into a "friendship" to save him from some of the pain of divorce. Doesn't work.

Some of us are older than you. We've been there, done that.

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And try to stay off line or google for mental health answers. Just because it's on the internet does't mean it's true or accurate.

We suggest that to many of our venue members. You have diagnosed him with depression. Has his doctor done that? Maybe, but basically, he's going through the natural emotional stages of a divorce. He is going to be a tornado of emotions as this divorce process starts to really roll.

You are a good woman to want to help, even though he has ended your relationship. Give yourself permission to let go and move on. :)

3 likes
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I would say let go, and let him seek his own health. Of course he's not in a good place - and I mean this kindly - because he's most likely in a failing marriage. I say most likely because he's separated, not divorced.

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