Living with anxiety & depression

[Mpollo77]

Hi all-

I've been struggling with anxiety & depression most of my adult life. I feel like the older I get, the worse it gets. At the same time, I'm sort of resigned to it in a way. I have the kind of depression that makes it hard to get out of bed each day. Like I could sleep all day. Like I often find myself thinking things like"why bother" or "I'm not really interested in that". People tend to exhaust me and I often end up feeling awkward or like I'm not on the same page as everyone else. I know that people describe me as warm, funny, easy to be around, but it just feels so hard at times. Like the toll it takes on me in terms of putting myself out there, is greater than what I gain out of an experience.

I often wish I didn't need as much "down" time as I seem to. It is very common of me to spend almost all day Saturday in and out of bed. Just trying to recover from the week. Shutting down emotionally. Trying to turn my mind off a bit.

I have a therapist, I take medication daily, I am involved in a 12-step community, and most recently, I have started ketamine therapy. All of these things help in their own little way but I still struggle and I imagine that these feelings will be with me for life.

Can anyone relate to any of what I'm saying? If so, how do you deal with it? Does it simply just help to know that there are others who experience things the same way?

[litethatnevergoesout]

hi. I’m dealing with that too. I totally relate, I’m trying a lot and have gotten so much great support but it doesn’t want to stick. I forget a lot of what I can do. currently I’m not doing well.

[Mpollo77 in reply to litethatnevergoesout]

Hi lite... thanks for writing and I'm sorry to hear that you're currently not doing too well. I hope that the wave passes relatively quickly. I appreciate you reaching out. It was nice to see your reply and I hope mine helps to brighten your day a little bit. Please reach out anytime you'd like and take good care of yourself!

[litethatnevergoesout in reply to Mpollo77]

that was a really kind message mpollo, thank you so much. yeah you did lift my spirits a bit right there. thanks for the open invitation, you take care as well!

[Browny71]

I totally relate to you, I’m a 11 yr sober 52 yr old man. Struggling to keep in the middle of the herd. I can’t relate anymore to people around me. I tried everything except ketamine now. Oh and electroshocks. I did try TMS waste of time and money. I fear my days off because I feel so inadequate around people and going to the gym is very exhausting mentally. I am with you on your feelings. Hope it gets better for you soon.

[Mpollo77 in reply to Browny71]

Thanks for reaching out, Browny. Congrats on your 11 years sober. I'm at just over a year and a half (again, had three years). I can totally relate to fearing your days off. I do too! All week long I can't wait for the weekend, but when it comes, I tend to isolate and get in a really bad head space. I made plans to go kayaking tomorrow with a friend after a completely lousy last weekend. All I can think of now is having to get up at 6am tomorrow to go. It's always something we me. I hope you're in an alright place this weekend and thanks again for reaching out!

[LoveforAll41]

I am so sorry that you feel that things are getting worse Mpollo. It is so hard when you work and work and things don't get better. I think the only way is to reframe the way we look at life, to change the way we think to change the way we feel. I am not sure what your anxiety and depression are centered around, but I think the ketamine and other things that can help with your neuroplasticity to accept and train what you do in therapy will help. There is so much to do and try. I applaud you for working so hard during the weeks, it is soooo tough fighting through anxiety. I think that the real change is accepting the good things about yourself that make you anxious and turning them down some. I find it hopeful that so many can fight so hard for so long. I also find it hopeful that there are those that can accept and the anxiety can fade.☮️

[litethatnevergoesout in reply to LoveforAll41]

I deleted my comment

[LoveforAll41 in reply to litethatnevergoesout]

I don't mind if you disagree, all we can do here is share thoughts and what has worked for us. If there was one viewpoint or method that absolutely worked we would all be cured (I hope it would be common knowledge)

I think it is extremely taxing to "fight" anxiety and depression, and it does kill us. I admire those who carry on the fight though. I have had a few really bad breakdowns and weekly episodes of lying in bed on the weekends because it was too much. I have had to change what I see as success and where I believe value comes from.☮️

[litethatnevergoesout in reply to LoveforAll41]

I think your attitude is excellent actually. maybe I’m a bit jealous I don’t have that positive attitude man. I’m being serious. I really love all of your comments.

[litethatnevergoesout in reply to LoveforAll41]

reading your point of view and what you go through is obvious we have very much in common and what we suffer from is very real. I live a completely different life yet my symptoms and my breakdowns and the results of what I end up dealing with is practically identical. Amazing due to the complexity of things and how different we all are and how we live with these illnesses. unfortunately I’m dead center in a very dark and rough spot.

[Mpollo77 in reply to LoveforAll41]

Hi Lovefor... thanks for reaching out. I appreciate what you say about reframing the way we look at life. I've been trying to do more of that lately. Sometimes I think I'm doing well with it, only to slip back into old patterns of thought. It's a balance and I hope that it will get easier with time. For me, my depression is definitely worse than my anxiety. I have noticed a huge reduction in my anxiety after beginning ketamine treatment. For that I am very grateful. The depression is a bit more of an uphill battle and it's what ultimately brought me to this group. I wanted to share my stories and hear from others who are in a similar situation. I appreciate you taking the time to write me. I hope you're doing well!

[Mpollo77]

Hi Scardycat! I tried hot yoga once many years ago and felt like I was going to die! But really, I could stand to get into something like that. I haven't tried chanting or breath work, and I'm very curious about the inner engineering you mentioned. I will definitely Google it. I would have to say my depression is far worse than my anxiety. Perhaps the engineering can help in this area? Thanks for letting me know about it!

[Casivalentina]

Absolutely! I can totally relate with everything you mentioned!!!!