Depression is Valid.

[ACV72]

Hi guys,

This is my first time posting. I’ve been struggling with anxiety and depression for as long as I can remember.

More recently, my struggle with depression has been more prevalent. I still live at home, with strict and somewhat old-fashioned parents. My mom has had it rough in life, but my dad has had it okay.

On my bad days where I feel glued to my bed and I feel like I can’t move, my family critiques me and thinks I’m being lazy. I’ve been going to doctors and therapy for a great amount of years now and have been diagnosed with anxiety and depression, but my family doesn’t understand it.

On days like this my mother tells me I have no reason to be depressed and that I need to occupy myself.

Hearing how my family feels that I’m lazy, and that they don’t understand how cloudy my bad days are just makes me feel more depressed and shitty.

I hate myself more for sometimes trying to talk to them about my situation with the hope they will understand, and that my feelings can feel validated, instead of just thinking I’m lazy.

Sorry for such a long message, but if you read it thank you. And I was wondering if anyone else is or has been in a similar situation and what they do to combat it

[Hidden]

Depression is not well understood by those not depressed. They think it is something you can turn off and on I guess. Im curious as to how old are you as that will determine the appropriate response. It sounds like maybe talking to a counselor might be helpful. Eventually the counselor might also talk to your parents and explain the best ways to communicate with you.

[ACV72 in reply to Hidden]

Exactly, she keeps telling me to get another job to occupy myself but the way she says it is so demeaning.

I’m 19 and I’m currently going to a 12 visit CBT program and seeing a psychiatrist.

I think the CBT therapist has a better idea of my situation but I don’t know if she’d be willing to meet with her to discuss my issues.

I feel so defeated, my mother thinks I’m acting out because “im always on my phone” or so that she can feel sorry for me

[argh52]

First and foremost, your struggle is real and your experience is valid.

If your mother is interested in understanding what you're going through, I recommend these:

hyperboleandahalf.blogspot....

hyperboleandahalf.blogspot....

If your mother is not interested in understanding, there is nothing you can say to her.

Either way, I hope those validate your experience, which is real.

Lastly, your struggle is real and your experience is valid.

[ACV72 in reply to argh52]

Thank you so much. You have no idea how much it helps to read that. ❤️

[Mariawayne]

It sounds like you are very brave. It’s not easy, but you’re trying and that is hard. You do you. Stay strong.

[ACV72 in reply to Mariawayne]

Thank you so much for the kind words Maria ❤️

[sweetiepye]

Depression is so reasonable. If you ask it will just go away, right ? Your parents should be supporting you , and maybe the will if you can educate them about it. Is there any chance they will listen to your Doctor. I had my Doctor speak to my husband and it really helped. I feel like he's on my side now. Pam

[ACV72 in reply to sweetiepye]

Thank you for understanding me Pam ❤️ and yeah my doctor and counselors in the past have spoken to my parents in the past. My mother is more unreasonable and I have tried educating her but it’s unfortunately difficult. I’m going to try and have my doctor or CBT therapist speak to her again :/

[Magicdreamer]

Yes, my possession has been very similar. I'm 44 years and have moved back home with dad and step mom. I've come from am environment where you don't express how you feel so everything is a secret... Nobody speaks of anything, it's done behind closed doors.... I'm grateful for a place to stay while I sort my life out and I was also depressed for a long time but now I'm planning my life... Giving myself something to achieve. Everyday is still a fight to get going and I'm learning to motivate myself and the people on this group chat are amazing at helping with that. I've had to realise that my folks will never change. They are who they are. It's my own acceptance and validation that is needed and if someone invalidates my emotions, they I say no as a boundary. It's picking yourself up and letting the past go. Moving forward and planning your life needs to be part of healing. I wish you all the very best and know that it's time to put yourself first as hard as this is, you're worth it. Xxx

[ACV72 in reply to Magicdreamer]

Thank you so much for the wise words ❤️ I’m happy to hear I’m not alone. I’m sorry that your parents are similar to mine and won’t understand. I’m happy you’re finding your own acceptance and are able to not let anyone cross boundaries. Your words truly inspired me and made my day and I will keep them in mind. I hope you do the same and know you are also worth it ❤️

[Magicdreamer in reply to ACV72]

Awe! Thank you! That means a lot to me. 💞

[Toosad65]

Oh my, yup have heard it all. My mum could cause a anxiety just calling my name. My parents were strict and also very old fashion. My mum use to tell me not to speak of my depression with others. Like it was a dirty little secret. But, that does not help us. You just have to be careful who you tell. People outside your family can be worse. I had a friend she tried to talk me out of taking my meds. She just did not understand. Many years later I find out she is using a antidepressant to lose weight. I was so angry. How dare she put added stress on me about my meds, then take one not for depression but to lose weight. You kind of have to build a shell around yourself. You must protect yourself. If someone without depression got it for 5 minutes to see what it felt like would not make it. Try not to listen (I learned to tune others out) know you are doing the best you can, with what you are dealing with. Feel sorry for those who try to tell you your lazy or just snap out of it. Maybe try getting your parents pamphlets for them to read. Ones that speak briefly about depression. Or sit them down and try to explain that they are only hurting you not helping. You might have to do as I did and move to your own place. A place where you can be who you are. Take care of yourself. If you feel like staying in bed you can. It helped me tremendously. Good luck

[ACV72 in reply to Toosad65]

I am so sorry about your friend and your mom. I’ve been there before. My cousin and aunt would try to convince me meds were bad and there was no need for me to take them. I know I have to tune it out, and I’m still trying so hard to, but their words hurt and affect me so badly. I’m hoping eventually after school or ASAP I can move out. Thank you for understanding me and for sharing your experience, I’m happy to know I’m not alone ❤️

[Sakura19]

Hi

I am sorry that your parents don't get you. But please find it in your heart to forgive them. I know you find it difficult to move out of bed and that no one is understanding you. But you first need to understand yourself. That being said, you would not be in bed if things were easy.

However I do urge you to move yourself away from bed and do anything - really anything. Your mother may not understand you but she does know what she is talking about. When you are nervous, that energy needs to be converted to something goal oriented, even if it is something as simple as cleaning something.

Just keep on moving forward till you are able to figure it out. You will someday

[ACV72 in reply to Sakura19]

Thank you for taking the time to read my situation and share your kind words ❤️ you’re right that she is right, my CBT counselor says the same thing to make the smallest of goals for the day and I’ve been getting better with that fortunately.

It’s just my mother’s attitude and demeanor when she says these things comes off as hurtful instead of supporting. Because I just “lay in bed all day” I should just get another job, and there’s no reason for me to feel the way I do. I know deep down she means well, but I can’t help but feel my depression is invalid

[Sakura19 in reply to ACV72]

This is the problem where previous generation people cannot fathom depression, that it just takes over your mind and you already feel trapped hopeless and desperate without anyone else negating those horrible feelings.

But despite everything, please continue to find yourself , till you are able to connect to yourself again. Whoever says it's easy is because they chose the easy way. For you, it will be difficult because you have decided to go deep in this hollow journey but think of the end of the tunnel - it will be of so much more worth.

You will get there, just try not to let your journey be staggered by other people's comments.

[Sakura19 in reply to Sakura19]

I just wish I could help you in any other way. But you will learn that often we are not in control of how others react.

All the very best for your journey

[Hidden]

I have a coworker who knows I'm on medication for depression and he tells me to cheer up and be grateful for what i have. As if I'm feeling down by choice. Jeez!

[ACV72 in reply to Hidden]

That’s absolutely awful, I’m sorry. I’ve been there before with family, it’s truly ignorance. I’m doing my best to try and ignore it and not let words affect me. I hope you know that your depression is very real and that this coworker sucks ❤️

[Hidden in reply to ACV72]

I have to use a lot of self control sometimes not to lash out verbally at him when he says "cheer up! a lot of ppl have it worse than you." I want to yell at him " i know that! but i still feel bad! " I don't know how reflecting on other people's problems is supposed to cheer me up and i said this to him once and we almost got into an argument. Thanks for replying. It helps me feel less alone.

[ACV72 in reply to Hidden]

Ugh yeah I’ve heard that countless of times, but yeah you have all the right to your feelings and to put him in his place when he does that. You are not alone at all

[Sakura19 in reply to Hidden]

What people don't get is that it is never a competition of whose life is better or worse. Depression doesn't work that way. Maybe someone is in a better position but how is it justified to let that person suffocate in silence... There should be no stigma attached to depression treatment.

Plus I think your colleague doesn't get it that your therapist is a licensed practitioner and that they don't give these kind of drugs to just anybody. It just shows his ignorance on that matter.

[Sakura19]

And continue to be brave like you already are

God bless

[ACV72 in reply to Sakura19]

Thank you again ❤️

[Hidden]

Yes....depression is real mate....doesnt matter anyone understand it or not🙄🙄yeah if u get understanding family around u,it comes bit easy to come out of this but....anyways it doesnt mean u cant come out of this.... i knw u r trying to come out of all this just put more effort..... if u have some understanding friends its super otherwise..... this is the right place i guess u vent out here n hope u ll get ppl who r dealing with same situation..... but remember at the end of the day its only YOU who can help you to beat this...... try to find out wat gives u relaxation even a bit n then follow that.....some hobby😬😬i knw its terrible word for person like us who deal with depression n all but still try to figure it out...... hope u come out of all this

[ACV72 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you so much for the words ❤️ and you’re right, it is all about yourself. I’ve been trying to find inner peace and self love and I’m still on my journey. I hope I find it too. Thank you again

[tiredswedge]

Depression is a real physical, chemical disorder. A depressed mind shows up differently on brain scans than "normal" brains. You can find studies on the web to show your parents. That description means that you could have the best life possible and you would still have depression and anxiety. I don't know if your parents have been given this more tangible explanation, it might help to grasp it better.

[ACV72 in reply to tiredswedge]

I never thought about showing them scans or anything like that. But that’s honestly a great idea. It sucks I need to “prove” my condition to them, but it certainly can’t hurt. Thank you for the idea ❤️