My kid makes my anxiety worse

[UkyoCoanccy]

It is too difficult for me accept that my anxiety sometimes gets worse because I have to deal with a intense attitude of my kid. I have not being my self for long time. I couldn't even take care of myself. Sometimes I don't want to eat. I try to do at least one shore in my home because I don't have energy or motivation to do something.

When I work, my kid is in school. After that he is with the nanny who feeds him and takes care of him. So I take advantage of it.

But when we are at home I can't deal with his bad attitude. He gets mad very easy and for everything. He argues with me for everything. When I send him to shower, when I send him to brush his teeth or when I remember him that he has responsibilities to do, he gets mad and argue. I do the best I can do, but every minute that passes I get more anxious and I can't do anything.

He has ADHD and anxiety so I know that sometimes is some kind of normal how he behaves.

I try to handle him but everytime that something like that happen my strength gets weak, my anxiety gets worse and I get frustrated. After that I prefer no to do a bigger problem so I let my kid to do what he wants.

Then I feel guilty because I know that by doing this, it means that I can't do a good job as a mother.

I do not know how to do it. I do not have the emotional strength to handle it. 2 years ago, this was easier because my mind was in good shape. But when anxiety and depression got me, everything changed. I feel sad.

How do you do? Does someone of you have an advice.?

[Laurennnnnnn]

If you don’t mind me asking, how old is he?

And does he attend therapy or anything to help with his diagnoses?

[UkyoCoanccy in reply to Laurennnnnnn]

He is 14 yearsRight now he is not in therapy.

He was in therapy and in a special program for emotional disturbances to learn to manage them, years ago.

He did learn a lot, but I had to help him to remember when he was losing control.

Now my problem is that I am not ok, so when he needs help, guidance or discipline, I am not able to manage it so after a while I let him be to not lose control myself.

I can't do my part because I am not strong when I am in some kind of stress.

I am in therapy, trying to manage my stress and anxiety. But I noticed that when I am with my kid in those tense moments, I can't handle it.

That is why I ask for some advice, probably someone have experience with this kind of situation.

[Laurennnnnnn in reply to UkyoCoanccy]

I don’t have this exact experience but I am a teacher and have worked with a lot of kids with emotional disturbances.

And I have severe anxiety/depression, so I can see how hard all of that would be on you as a mom.

My advice would be to get him into another program. It can be hard finding one but there are resources out there! You clearly care about him a lot, but you need to do what helps you too. You can’t fill his cup unless yours is full. So use the resources around you, you deserve it and he does too 💙

[crowningglory19]

That is a tough one, esp dealing with anxiety yourself and I'm sure you are drained by the time you are with your child. Maybe first thing you get home, sit on floor and play a game with them so you both decompress from the day and reconnect to each other. Then dinner, then ask them to do what is needed and leave it at that. If they don't do it, they pay a consequence that is fair and consistent without emotion. Walk away after asking and do what you need to before you are drained with fighting them. Don't fight it. In time without nagging maybe he will change to do those things and things will be calmer. Also, for both of you a good multi vitamin with extra magnesium to calm and extra B vitamins to heal nerves would be good and helpful. Maybe evening walks would be nice for both of you too and help you both sleep better. Counseling is always beneficial and many churches offer it free if you can't afford it. Blessings dear.

[UkyoCoanccy in reply to crowningglory19]

Thank you. I will try.🙂

[UkyoCoanccy]

Thank you so much.🙂

[Hidden]

I had a very bad attitude with my parents around this age. I don’t have great advice but all I can say to try and help is just recognizing that this is just a phase. Kids his age do not have the emotional maturity to empathize with their parents. It’s really sad, but I think most kids I know grow out of this. I sure did and my dad used to remind me how terrible I was to him around the age of 13. Lots of fits I thew about helping with dishes and talking on the phone late etc. you would have never guesssed with how much I unconditionally love and support my parents now. My dad to if he were still here but my mom is the happiest she’s ever been. You will get through this one day at a time. You sound like a great mom just a bit worn out because you care. It’s hard I know but you can only do your best. That is enough

[UkyoCoanccy in reply to Hidden]

Thanks.I hope that it is just a phase as you said. That idea gives me a bit of relief because it means that is not completely my fault his bad attitude.

🙂Thank you.

[Midori]

In order to be a good mum to your child, you must first be able to deal with your own worries and fears.

See your Doctor and explain that you cannot cope.

[Bella_lee]

Hi UkyoCoanccy I'm so sorry you're dealing with so much and my heart goes out to you.

You sound like an awesome Mom doing her best despite all you're going through. I don't have the same experience but I do know the challenges of parenting and the ups and downs.

Remember to be gentle with yourself, you are doing your best.

My prayer for you is that the near future will bring you much strength, wisdom and also professional help on how best to navigate this season you're currently in.

Sending you lots of hugs )))!