My relationship ended due to anxiety

[oklahime]

Im new here. I hope I do this right...

My therapist thinks I have schizophrenia, which causes delusions and paranoia (along with audio/visual hallucinations...)

But this is my first time writing because of what I think is anxiety. My boyfriend left because I obsessed over him looking at porn, and I completely convinced myself he preferred it over me and that anytime I would try and be sexy for him I was just humiliating myself. I tried to provide it for him (sending him links/pics/and speaking positively), but that didnt work. He said I was being self destructive because I hate porn so much. He left because he said he needed someone who could accept all of his love without questioning him constantly.

Does anyone here deal with anything similar? You hate something your partner loves, but you want them to be happy, and you obsess? You convince yourself you arent enough for your partner, even though they say you are? Any little piece of "evidence" I would cling to and blow out of proportion, and constantly question him... I feel like an absolute monster. I dont know how to deal with this. Im so tired.

[Sillysausage234]

You don’t sound like a monster,be kind to yourself and think how good you really are.

[deea21]

I think my husband it’s cheating on me. He heats me and I’m sure he does everything to go away from me. For example today it’s Easter Day and he’s off, so he chooses to go out with his brother. And I’m again in my bed with my kid. Sleeping and crying. Sometimes I think they call us anxious, but I think we see the cruel reality more than anyone. We are not monsters. These man don’t know how to appreciate a person and don’t deserve us.

[CazO46 in reply to deea21]

This sounds like a really tough day for you. It's a shame your husband can't open up about how he's feeling as it's understandably hurting you deeply. Anxiety or not it's painful and unfair to be treated this way. Maybe you need to start the conversation on a day you feel strong. Best wishes to you

[deea21 in reply to CazO46]

Thanks Caz.

[fauxartist]

just because it's porn on the internet does not mean it's not seeking sexual gratification from others outside of the marriage....sorry you had to go through that...but there is such a thing as on-line porn addiction. He's just putting his shit on you....you did everything you could and now you know...it's his problem not yours. Unless you had an agreement that on-line porn was an acceptable part of your marriage, which means you are not monogamous in a way, the it is not okay if he is having sex on-line, or even going to sex sites. And if his on-line sex life has replaced your marital sex life, then he has a problem, and you need to make choices. It's all great and groovy if your not in a relationship, guys and women nowdays see it as an acceptable thing, I don't judge or care one way or another personally But when it becomes an obsession and the other partner tries to blame you or gaslight you around it....then you need to end it.

[JLH96]

Everyone always made fun of me but I hated that my boyfriend watched porn. I understand feeling hurt cause you see it as him wanting something that isn’t you. That doesn’t make you a monster that makes you human. I think you need to talk to him about the specific issue and tell him how it makes you feel. You two need to find a compromise

[Hidden in reply to JLH96]

You know there a saying.. I can’t remember it fully.. but it’s something like ‘ before you start to think there’s something wrong with you make sure you’re not surrounded by assholes...’

Mind my language lol

[lauren9177]

I am so sorry this happened and I react a similar way with my boyfriend. I completely convince myself he is cheating on me, or talking to other girls behind my back, and I obsess over it. I spend all day and night over analyzing everything he does. I know it is unhealthy but it is so hard to stop. My advice would be to know that he is with you for a reason and that you should be confident<3 I know it can hurt when he would watch porn and such but maybe talking to him about why he is watching it so much could help better understand each other and the situation