Relationship Anxiety advice

[NotreDame10]

Hello all,

I am writing to seek some advice regarding Relationship anxiety. I’ve always been that type of person to build a wall against all feelings and never really let anyone in. To start, I had 2 major relationships in my life, one in 2014-2016 that initially started all of this anxiety and this current relationship I am writing about. During my first 2 year off and on relationship 2014-2016), they would treat me exactly how I should be treated, say all of the right things, and tell me everything is perfectly fine within our relationship. Given my young age, i was gullible and believed that at the moment. I found out my significant other was cheating on me and that is when my mind ran wild with assumptions and trust went out of the door. I always felt that so little and small that I was never good enough for anyone simply because I could be treated absolutely perfect and still be getting screwed over without even knowing. I met my current significant other last year in July and immediately we hit it off, over time not only were they my significant other, they were also my best friend and I wanted to do everything with them. My anxiety started a few months of our relationship because of past relationships with both of us. (listed above)They have a lot of friends that are simply just KNOWN friends although I never saw it as that. I had no suggestions, showings, or any indications that there was anything going on or them being unhappy. There ultimately should be NO trust issues whatsoever with my current significant other. I never have given my all into a relationship until this one. With that being said, I started to assume and get in my head that they didn’t want to be with me, if there was a lack of intimacy my mind would run a million miles a minute thinking they were unhappy. They were never unhappy. I never saw their friends as just friends. I never saw a text from someone as just a text. Unfortunately, I needed more assurance than I had hoped and given the current times with social media, over time, my anxiety led me to think that if a friend would message them that they would be interested in that specific person as well as other social media accounts. Eventually I was very overbearing assuming they were unhappy and did not want to be with me and it resulted in us breaking up. After we broke up, I went into the darkest place I could have ever been. I refused to do anything with friends, refused to eat and decided to drink myself to sleep almost every night until I could no longer do it anymore. After we broke up, my anxiety with my assumptions tripled, I never thought it could get worse than it was when we were together. I called them terrible names, assumed they were going to go out and sleep around and find someone to get over me. Of course, none of that ever happened; it was ALL in my head. After a few miserable months of depression I reached out to my best friends and they decided I needed to seek help and talk to them about it. A few months ago (September) I eventually reached out to my ex and told them that I am going to seek help and that if it was ever going to work in the future I needed to work on me. Fast forward to now, we are happily back together. My assumptions of other people and social media BS are gone. My main concern regarding relationship anxiety is how do you handle it? I have talked to my significant other regarding any worries and they understand I am still day by day working on myself to make me a better person not only for them, but most importantly for me. My significant other has never been in a serious relationship or loved anyone until they met me and I couldn’t be more grateful and blessed to have them, they are the best part of me. My question is: How do you control the anxiety in future situations? How do I make sure not to slip back into my old ways? With such a lack of mental health programs in my area, I have tried to speak to a therapist although the wait time to get into one is very lengthy. I decided to reach out here and maybe seek advice to see if anyone would be generous to help. I would appreciate any tips or help. This is my first writing and post so I apologize if it is not very detailed or confusing. Thank you.

[Agora1]

NotreDame10, as you can see you are learning through your relationships. It's very

scary to give your heart to someone if you are constantly worrying about the future.

That in itself can dampen the relationship. I'm glad to see you are working on yourself

and your insecurities. You are truly blessed in that your partner and you are back together

again. No one can guarantee how we can stop things from happening in the future.

My advice is to continue working on yourself.. if therapy is a while away, go into YouTube

and watch videos on Relationships. After all confidence and loving yourself must come

first before we love someone else. I wish you well my friend. One day at a time will prove

that this relationship was meant to be. Good Luck xx

[NotreDame10 in reply to Agora1]

Thank you very much. I appreciate your kind words and advice. I am working on myself day by day. Last night was sort of my first little anxiety attack since we have made up and got back together. We did talk things through and we are okay now. I do need to learn how to be able to talk to them about something before I decide to immediately fret and have anxiety over something that is out of my control or something to have anxiety about in the first place. I am trying each and everyday.

[Agora1 in reply to NotreDame10]

Good for you NotreDame. The key to any good relationship is to be able to

talk out our feelings with each other in a non threatening manner. No raising

the voice, no "you said" "I said" just respect and honest feelings towards the other.

You're doing great, keep going forward, it will pay off in a stronger bond between you

two xx

[NotreDame10 in reply to Agora1]

Thank you very much Agora, all of your words are very helpful

[kvolm2016]

I appreciate your commitment to improve your own relationships skills and glad that you are seeing for yourself that there has been progress! Since you mention that you still want to pursue therapy but the local resources are not good, what about online resources?

[NotreDame10 in reply to kvolm2016]

I’ve been looking into online source as well!

[kvolm2016 in reply to NotreDame10]

I have one that I am working with. Let me know if you want that info.