Is anybody here a spouse to Anxiety and Depression fighter? How do you give support to your spouse?

[lilymenna]

I'm just 3 months married to the love of my life. He is an Anxiety and Depression fighter. He told me that the reason why he can finally invite someone into his life is because he trusts me to see his other side. During our relationship we fought a lot. It was hard to have a peaceful week.

We continued marrying each other because we believe in each other to give support and love one another wholeheartedly. But after marriage, I saw more of his 'other side'. He throws tantrums very ferociously. He easily angered. Easily irritated and annoyed. Even smallest thing can f***ked his day. We're having a lot of difficulties in understanding and adapting into each other's life. I'm like walking on eggshells everyday not knowing what next day going to be. I studied a lot about Anxiety and Depression to understand him. But almost every time the symptoms showing, the way to handle him is different. He blamed me every single time for not being able to understand him. He even tried to kill himself last week. I managed to stop him. Even yesterday he tried to do it again. He said his head ached so much that he wished he could die ASAP to end the pain. Sometimes I felt helpless for not knowing what to do. I blamed myself for not being able to be a good support to him.

May I know if anybody here also facing same challenges as mine? Maybe you could share yours and we can exchange ideas and support each other.

[Hidden]

My first thought is..Is ur hubby under doctors care?? Does he have a psychiatrist or therapist he speaks to?

Doesnt matter if its a spouse or friend..if the person is talking suicide..u must seek help for them immediately as alot of times they wont do it for themselves.

U cant be there therapist or psychiatrist as it will ultimately affect ur relationship negatively.

Plus..u have to take care of yourself also.

Sending u a virtual hug .

[lilymenna in reply to Hidden]

He used to have one. A psychiatrist. That was few years ago. I want and need to take him to the doctor ASAP.

I didn't know this before. I tried so hard to be his everything, until it lower my self esteem. It was out of my capability. I need a professional help to do that.

Thank you so much for reminding me. I really need that. I will convince him to go see a doctor.

Thank you again 💜

[Hidden in reply to lilymenna]

Maybe once hes more stable u both can go to couples therapy n learn coping skills for dealing with his issues "triggers" AND u being his partner n caregiver.

Meantime..maybe writing down his issues,triggers will help his doc and help u understand him more.

Ur list can be..what ur needs r in all this.

[Hidden]

Is your husband taking any medication? Is he in therapy? It takes a lot of work to have any control over the lashing out and tantrums. I have to stay ahead of my anxiety and panic attacks. It's almost like a full time job sometimes. I've tried medication, therapy, DBT, CBT, mindful meditation and herbal remedies to eventually find a right combination for me. I'm not cured by any means but things are finally manageable. Your husband should make getting better his highest priority. My husband left me because of the lashing out amongst other things caused by my anxiety. If your husband hasn't already done so, there are books that help with coping skills. Books that teach CBT, DBT or mindfulness are basic reads. It's good that you want to help him but make sure he's doing his part. It will not be fair to you if he is not. Take care of yourself. If you feel like it's affecting your own mental health, get help for you. I admire you for what you're trying to do for your husband.

[lilymenna in reply to Hidden]

No, he isn't taking any medication. He used to, few years ago because of Anxiety. That was long time ago since he last met his psychiatrist.

We got this one herb that can help to relax his mind, and for now that's the only medicine we got.

I'll try to talk to him about this. Thank you so much for the tips 💜

[bina483]

Hi, I deal with the same thing. I’ve been in a relationship with a man for 3 years now and I can relate to pretty much everything you’ve said. My guy is diagnosed bipolar. He had started counseling a few years ago but slowly started to drift away from it. Then with covid he wasn’t able to see the counselor in person so he decided he couldn’t do it over the phone or in a zoom session. He’s gotten progressively worse and we fight every day. I feel hopeless a lot of times. I don’t mean to discourage you, just want you to know I understand and relate to how you feel. I have yet to figure out how to help him and make him feel better because he ultimately blames everything on me. I started going to counseling again myself and that is helping. Maybe reach out to a counselor for yourself ? I am here for you. I completely understand.

[lilymenna in reply to bina483]

This is the only place that I feel completely comfortable. Instead of judging, everyone tries their best to understand. I feel better knowing that I am not alone in this.

Sometimes I feel like a bad person in his life. He blamed me for making his life worsen. I tried my best not not take his comments and words negatively, but I cannot help but to become depressed also. He said I am a source of negativity in his life that brings him down, pulling him far from reaching his dreams. God knows how tired I am. Physically and mentally. Sometimes I feel like quitting everything. But here I am still trying because I love him and I accept his every side.

I have no one to talk. Even my mother I cannot tell about this. I'm afraid my mom wouldn't understand and it'll change her impression towards my husband. I do need to talk to someone who can understand my situation. I need to see a counselor for myself also. Thank you for the suggestion. And thank you for the support. I really appreciate it :)))

[bina483 in reply to lilymenna]

Wow! Everything you wrote is exactly the same as my situation. The only person I have to talk to about it is my very best friend. I know how tired you are too. I am too. And I know how tough it is to love someone and want to support them despite them telling you everything is your fault. I know it’s not your fault as it’s not my fault in my relationship either. I am here for you any time. Message me if you ever want to talk privately.

[froggymom88]

There is no excuse for his behavior. He needs help with the anxiety and depression and I think it would be very beneficial for both of you to seek counseling. Hugs.