Struggling to Accept What Life Has Handed Me.

[spotbon]

I have been struggling with anxiety and depression for years. It has gotten worse over the last five years. I've tried a number of antidepressant and counseling. Antidepressants I've tried (Paxil, Lexapro, and others I can't remember the name of) don't work and make me feel sick. I don't sleep well and wake up in the middle of the night gripped by anxiety. I have to take a Xanax to get back to sleep. Sleep meds work reverse. My family situation is not good. My adult son has schizoaffective disorder and I am his guardian. l He also has stage 5 kidney disease and is facing dialysis soon. I deal with him daily, and it's not easy. My daughter who lives in the West doesn't stay with any job for any length of time. Her son (my grandson) has mental health problems and recently tested positive for cocaine when he tried to join the army. My husband is great, but I often am irritable with him and it causes problems because I'm so miserable. I don't know how to accept my situation and be happy.

[Bird-67]

Oh I really do feel for you. I too am gripped with anxiety and have been off and on for 31 years now.

I have been on all sorts of antidepressants over the years as after so long on them they just stop working. It seems like your family worries are not helping your anxiety.

Please keep in touch as at least we know we can communicate with each other and don't feel so alone. 💐

[spotbon in reply to Bird-67]

Thanks for your reply. I just wonder how much of my problem is because of my family situation or would I be this way anyway. I wish I could just accept it and carry on. I also have a younger brother who left his family and was homeless for 10 years before someone befriended him and got him veterans benefits. He lives out West and we only talk on each of our birthdays. Five of his six children don't talk to him at all as far as I know. I was also in an abusive marriage for 20 years (mostly psychological) that ended when it became physical. I'm also thinking PTSD. I envy people with normal children (grandchildren). I can't help thinking "why me"?

[Kobojunkie]

May i suggest that this time around, you try to find yourself a psychiatrist willing to work with you in dealing with your symptoms.

From discussions with people around and from experience, i know there are psychiatrists/psychologists /therapists out there who rather than take a patient-centered approach in treating their patients.

Way too many i have been to don't have themselves never really had what i would call a serious experience with mental illness of any kind and so they treat their patients as if they are robots as recorded in textbooks they have read.

I understand that you have tried in the past but I urge that you try again, only this time, get a psychiatrist that respects and listens to you. One that values your input when choosing your treatment or deciding to up your dosage or lower it.

It is well known that way too many of those with mental illness have had opportunities at a higher quality of life denied them by psychiatrists who are too concerned about their resume than they are about their patients.

it is possible to live symptom free and happy. Your kids and grand children included. You do need to be willing to take charge of your destiny, learn all you can about your condition, and find doctors willing to work with you to reach your goal.

By taking charge of your destiny, i also mean you learn to examine your mind regularly to discover and fight all the junk and issues lingering in there.

happiness is possible but it takes work and dedication and anyone of us can achieve it and so much more.

[Hidden]

Hi you have got a lot of issues and I don't how you can be strong enough to cope with them all. Anyone, even without anxiety, would struggle too.

Please don't make the mistake though of thinking other people lives and families are all perfect coz they aren't. You don't see inside their lives to what's really going on do you?

Sometimes life is just about surviving with your head intact, never mind being happy. I don't think anyone could be happy much with what you have got to deal with. I would just aim to be able to cope without cracking up. Do you have any help with your son? If not can you find any?

[spotbon in reply to Hidden]

He is ok on psychiatric meds, but can't handle money. I've been dealing with this for 26 years. His kidney disease will no doubt shorten his life, but i hope he won't outlive me (I'm 74) I have things in place if that happens (trust fund), but i still worry. You're right about just holding it together. That's all I can do. Thanks for your reply.

[gogogirl]

I am so sorry about what you are going through. It sounds like most of your issues are about your family, yet you need to have support for yourself. I hope that besides your husband that you can get the care and support through a group or possibly contacting the National Alliance on mental illness. I hope that you find a landing place where you can at least vent and find a little relief.