My life has become a nightmare

[vanessi]

It's been so long since the last time I posted here. I've been feeling very vulnerable but I'm being trying to hold everything in my heart. I've been going to therapy during the last 2 months.

My boyfriend, the one I've loved since 5 years ago, the man I've done everything to be with, he does not love me, never did. I've been just trying to be with him but he pushes me away, he is rude, says horrible things to me. He is depressed too, but he does not want to see a therapist or have a couple therapy to try to save the little of the relationship we have left.

Since January he became a totally different person, every month he has been breaking up with me and coming back again. We live together since 2020, and now everything has become a nightmare at home, in our daily convivence. When he is ok, everything is fine, but when he is feeling down, everything gets too bad.

After he has rejected me, told me he does not love me, he is not happy with me, he is unhappy in the relationship, that I'm the cause of his sorrow, his antisocial behaviour, etc. I decided to get him a birthday present two days ago. I took him to a spa, got him the present he wanted and booked a table in an amazing restaurant. He enjoyed the day so much, he was grateful, but at the next day everything changed.

I can't say anything to him or he gets mad, he doe not let me talk because he thinks everything he says is right. Everything I do and say it is bad for him, I am the one who make him sad, depressed and angry. But I can hold and suffer on silence everything he says to me.

I'm gonna be returning to my hometown in Mexico by December, which is when my Irish visa expires. I quit, I quit all the dreams I had with him, all the efforts, the love and time.

I need to go, to see my family and cure myself. I feel horrendous, every day waking up with this anxiety that doe not even let me sleep and eat.

I wish I could die, so I could stop suffering.

I wonder all the time, why me? I see my friends how they are all getting married and being happy. At least, I don't think they have the same problem I have with the person who does not love me and never loved me at all.

[AnxiousSilver]

"I see my friends how they are all getting married and being happy. "

Nah no no no no.. Don't do that. You don't know what their lives are really like behind closed doors 24/7, and comparing yourself to others (just for the sake of keeping up) is never a good thing. You be you!

Here.. when I broke down 20 years ago, I too was in a 5 year relationship. Everything started off wonderful, and after I broke down towards the end, she basically wanted out not too long afterwards.

For me the feeling was mutual. If somebody wasn't going to be there for me when I'm down, then why would I want to be married to them?

Trust me when I say, this is a blessing in disguise for what happened to both you and me.

We both deserve better, and there will be someone that will eventually come your way that will treat you better. Just give it some time.

[Agora1]

Dearest VanessiI have followed your relationship from the very beginning.

Love can hurt when it's not the right person or the right time.

We meet people throughout our lives. Some for a short time or need

and some for a lifetime.

Hopefully you can take something from this relationship, something you've

learned after all life is but a learning experience.

As much as it hurts, you deserve the happiness and love you were looking for.

Remember, that no one is worth you dying over. It may feel hopeless at this time

but believe in that this was a rude awakening that kept you from wasting your life

away in a bad relationship.

We cannot wish someone to love us. Go home to Mexico in a few months and allow

yourself to heal. Nothing like family support during this difficult time. I'm sorry that this

happened but life still goes on. You are worthy of much more in life xx

[Cat_cat44 in reply to Agora1]

Hi Agora!! Hi Vanessi!! Honey I’ve been there!! Go to Mexico and have fun with your family ❤️!! If he doesn’t want to get therapy then that’s his issue. Do what you need to make you happy!! Love is happy!! If he isn’t making you happy or willing to get help for himself then you gotta let him be!! You come first!! I was in this scenario a lot of times before. No, we don’t want to let go because we don’t want to feel the pain, but I promise you that you will get through it. And on the other side you will feel so much better!! Anything you want to know, ask me and I’m right here!!

[Agora1 in reply to Cat_cat44]

xx

[KarateKenny]

I'm very sorry you have to go through this. I really hope you can make it through this and have a happier and less stressful life

[Survivor1687]

((hugs)) 💜 Hang in there. I'm hoping once you are able to spend time with your family that you feel better.

[Arkus]

If this is a picture of you, you are a beautiful girl, and after what you say a loving, generous, and loyal one. You are young, the world is yours if your mind can catch up with reality. After this experience you won’t be as vulnerable next time, so before you fall in love, think and make sure the man you are sharing your life with is worthy of you. Take charge of your destiny.

[Daveacr1959]

Try the Wim Hof method. It’s guided deep breathing exercises with breath holds . And then going in cold water. Showers, baths, lakes swimming pool etc it’s all free on you tube

[Tara52]

I know it is not easy to move on but it makes no sense to hang onto someone who is incapable of meeting your needs. Until you make yourself happy without a man your relationships will never work out. It sounds like a good opportunity to go home and heal and make some goals to enrich your life. In time without looking for love it will find you! Much love!😍