I wake up in the morning just wanting to go back to bed. I'm in a minimum wage dead end job. In the last 3 years I've had duties taken away to the point I don't know of any duties & don't know what my job is. Maybe going to university has given me false expectations. I still live with parents at 55 years old.
I know I am talentless, useless waste of space, but I let this get me down. How can I just accept who I am.
I've been to GP & counseling but they just try & make me think I'm something that I'm not - & were poor at doing that. I know I'm not any better than I am, but how do I live with that.
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UselessLump
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I understand how real this story that you’re talentless and useless feels to you right now. But let me assure you, it is NOT the truth of who you are. It’s just a natural response between your mind and your body that reinforces a harmful cycle of thoughts, feelings and behaviors.
It sounds to me like if it were possible, you wouldn’t want to feel this way. You mention you’ve tried counseling, which leads me to believe you want to help yourself, you just don’t know how. People are now starting to understand that talking about these stories, while important and helpful initially, when repeated over and over, can sometimes reinforce them rather than lesson their power.
Think of it as a habit. Your mind has the habit of thinking and feeling like you’re talentless and useless. To change this, you’ll need to practice helpful habits that build awareness around your thoughts and feelings and can recognize how they come and go. Eventually, these new helpful habits will become stronger than the unhelpful ones and those thoughts and feelings will begin to lose their power. If you want to know more about this, look up mindfulness and neuroplasticity.
The good news is it is possible to re-wire your mind to start to break the cycle. However, it takes time, persistence and courage. But if you’re willing to stick with it, you’ll come out the other side stronger.
The tools that I’ve found most powerful are mindfulness and meditation. You can find some great free guided meditations on the app Insight Timer. I specifically recommend loving kindness and Yoga Nidra meditation. If you want to learn more about mindfulness, I recommend books by Jon Kabat-Zinn as well as Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction and Mindfulness Based Cognitive Therapy.
Try to be kind and patient with yourself as you go through your healing journey.
I think it's really hard to get off a track of thinking (and acting) that are likely years (decades?) in the making through sheer will and following tips from us. (Though so many here are encouraging and mean the best).
Get to a doctor, ask for a therapist, get a real person in front of you to help. You are your own worst enemy right now. I know it's so, so hard right now and there is no magic remedy but getting better is a possibility. Your life is very precious, so take recovery seriously. Go after it.
You state you know that you are talentless and a waste of space. I'm curious how you know these facts are true? Is it because you're residing with your parents and are unsatisfied with your employment situation? Your situation does not define you. I understand it is much easier said than done, especially when battling depression, but you have the power to change your situation.
Having no idea who you are, I can tell you that there is value in sharing your story with me and the many other people who may see your post. I know many other people who share these same feelings, but they are either not willing or do not have the energy to ask for help from others like you are doing. You may never know it, but by telling your story you are letting others know that they are not alone in having these feelings and thoughts. Your story may encourage others to reach out and receive help. This alone tells me that you are worthy of the space you occupy.
I know this does not answer the question you asked, but I encourage you to really make an effort to find value even in the little things. This is something that has personally helped me.
One thing I learnt in therapy was to Not Put Myself Down. I am special and valuable. I hated myself for 4 decades, therapy taught me such a lot, I gave up looking at life in black & white, I live in the grey, it is much calmer and kinder. The therapist taught me to love and value myself, trust myself, let go of the past, forgive myself for any mistakes, I am human, we All make mistakes. I learnt to like and accept myself. It took me into happiness, I get up happy and go to bed happy. Life is to be lived and enjoyed, so stop beating yourself up. It did not happen over night, it was in small increments, sometimes 3 steps forward and 2 steps back. I read a great book that helped me a lot. Dr. Scott Peck "The Road Less Traveled", Amazon has it new/used.
I read other uplifting books, I went to group therapy, learnt to do Hatha Yoga, and eventually became and teacher, Learnt to meditate, you can do these things too. All the other people who responded to you have words of wisdom, so read us and choose what will work for You. We admire you writing to us and your honesty, we will do our best to love, support and help you. Let us know how you are doing.
Now, a useful person, start with changing your name....Sending love and hugs, courage and patients Sprinkle 1.....
Thanks for replies. However I don't feel my question was answered. Maybe I asked in wrong way. The fact is I know I am completely worthless. I think I have accepted that. But do I have to feel so down & depressed about it.
In work I am working my way down. I have job after job taken away until I don't know of any job or responsibility I do have. I am supposed to be in IT but I have had all permissions taken away. I can't even install a printer or create an email address. I couldn't get another job because I have no skills or experience. I have lost the few skills I did have. At 55 my work is finished.
At home I still live with my mother. She has broken her arm & I want to help as much as I can. But she is trying to do everything one handed. She said "I don't know what I'm doing". If I do manage to do things I have a constant commentary & what I've done wrong (which is every time). Instructions include
Take the pan out of the cupboard
Take the lid off the pan.
If I question her I'm told that I think I know everything & she's only helping me. But how useless must I be to need this level of help.
No friends. Never had a relationship (not even a single date). Been to GP twice for depression but nothing changes.
So yes, I know I'm useless. But do I have to feel so bad. And if this is because I haven't accepted it, how do I do that. Plus in my mid 50s it feels too late to do anything anyway. I just like to know if I could make the time I've got left bearable.
Sometimes how you feel doesn't have to relate to your circumstances. IE if it's genetic mental health issues.
Also you can supposedly "have it all" wealth, success, fame etc and have mental health issues.
Looking after your own health with good eating/sleeping habits and to be physically fit can help but often it's just managing your symptoms best you can is all you can do.
And as further proof of being useless. I am employed as IT manager but have had ALL duties taken away. This week the computers in one of our branches have been down all week, while I have been sat here looking for things to do. I have been completely excluded. How is this not a sign of being totally useless???
The sooner I am able to retire or die the better it will be for everyone.
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