I want to die

[Honzad]

My wife left me and I want to die. It happened 3 years ago but nothing is better

[LazyXrayEyes2255]

We need to live for ourselves. Find ways to love ourselves! Be comfortable with who we are, everyone one of us precious and life precious

[LazyXrayEyes2255 in reply to LazyXrayEyes2255]

be your best friend

attention on you only

[Honzad in reply to LazyXrayEyes2255]

I won't kill myself. Just wish I was dead. I loved her so much. Why did she do this to me?

[LazyXrayEyes2255 in reply to Honzad]

I feel really bad when lost love

It's going to take time to recover

we will support you

virtual hugs

[LazyXrayEyes2255 in reply to LazyXrayEyes2255]

remember you are important too

and find ways to cope rather than suffering so much, focus on yourself

[Dolphin14 in reply to Honzad]

I'm so sorry this happened. It's going to take time to process this.

🐬

[Zyxx in reply to Honzad]

Well - why do you think she did? Serious question.

[LazyXrayEyes2255]

please phone suicide prevention line!!!!

[Skyp]

It will take time to recover. I split from partner 5 years ago we were together 20 yearsI'm the one that finished the relationship. Its hard.i still miss him.but as they say everything happens for a reason.take care of yourself. Get out and socialise with freinds.difficult I know as all my freinds married etc...I'm in my 60"s and not about to give up on my life.i try and keep busy voluntary work.i still feel sad but time heals....so they say.take care 👍

[NorwegianWood]

Grief is not the full story of life. You are going through hard times but don't let it control you. Expand your networks. Have you thought about volunteering. ParkRun is always looking for help - there's a range of weekly tasks and it's a fantastic group to be part of. People are all there to run or walk or push a pram and walk their dog and you might even find yourself running. Maybe a walking group is more your thing. Earthcare, forest care, litter groups cleaning segments of river bank, roadside... and so on.

There are many groups that would love your help, Meals on Wheels (is that a thing where you are?) Is there a local volunteer fire brigade? Have you thought about a daily exercise routine to give you a goal as well as a distraction. It might be worth seeking out someone who can help you with depression. You will find counselors and psychologists in most places.

Community groups will expand your horizon, increase your network, give you people to talk to and even perhaps to start dreaming together and finding other things in common.

What's your hobby? Who can you share it with? How might you share your hobby with other groups? Make connections locally. You never know where it might lead.

[NorwegianWood in reply to NorwegianWood]

Further thoughts after listening to a radio programme this morning. Happiness is not so much a state of mind but, it seems, a condition of serving others. There is contentment and pride and self-esteem and giving of your time to others who need assistance. There's bound to be plenty of organisations which would love your assistance.

[nativeblood]

That aint easy finding ways and things to do to preoccupy your time, company will mean a lot loneliness I am there your case its different, venting and praying extra hard as well is a necessity

[Always_hope_andpray]

The NHS do talking therapies , you can speak with a counsellor or do group therapy. The advise members have given in the replies seems very good, about finding a hobby, volunteering, giving your life purpose.

Have you tried meditation/ listening to podcasts on YouTube. Mel Robbins is very good for motivation.

Journaling your thoughts is very good. Sometimes people/friends are busy to listen to us. I would definitely recommend journalling and being you're own friend. Self compassion is so important. We need to be kinder to ourselves.

It's extremely sad when people leave. But we haven't got the control over people/things/wishing things were different.

We can't go back in time to change things either.

What's important that you're still here, alive. We need to find happiness within, not in people. (Easily said than done)

Focus on yourself and find the joy in the things you do have in your life and find more things to make yourself happy.

Quote

[jessie2pigs]

Hi fella, do you have a dog? They can be a lifeline to a whole new other life, socialising with other people at training classes or simply just going for a walk and chatting to other dog walkers.

If you don't want to take on the responsibility of having one of your own then there are lots of rescues out there who would be over the moon if you could foster for them, or take some out of the kennels to exercise. Put all those negative feelings you have into something really positive and you will reap the rewards, I promise you.

I volunteer for an animal charity called The Animal Team who offer different services to rescues that are registered with them, such as home checks & tranport runs. The team pull transporters together to help all kinds of animals - dogs, cats, rabbits, parrots...to get them out of bad situations such as the dog pounds/unsuitable homes, and into foster homes or directly to the rescues that have offered them a lifeline. Fuel costs are covered and you become part of a whole online community where friendships are formed.

facebook.com/TheAnimalTeamR...

This is the link to one of the ATeams pages on FB that I run for rescues trying to find homes for their animals. I've been with them for nine years and it has given me a lifeline throughout some very testing times in my life. And the death of my son two years ago.

It's a different focus you need, and I hope you find something to make you see how one person doesn't hold your life in their hands, you hold your own destiny and being proactive in something very very worthwhile is a start.

Good luck to you buddy

[Honzad in reply to jessie2pigs]

Thanks. I have 2 cats though...

[catsrock in reply to Honzad]

Cats are the best!

[jessie2pigs in reply to Honzad]

There are dogs that like cats - and if you volunteer outside the house it won't be a problem. It was just an idea for you buddy, take care 👍

[IntoTheWild5150]

Hello Honzad,

I feel for you, brother. I was in your shoes long ago. It feels like life will never get better. I know people are well intentioned and telling you things will get better, but there's no guarantee of that. There is a chance though.

One day, you might wake up and feel a little less terrible. A day, a week, a month, a year from then, you might wake up and not think about it all. You won't even notice that you're not miserable anymore. You might be happy alone. You might be happy with someone else. Anything is possible. That's what kept me going. Just knowing that anything was possible. Best wishes.

[Blw646]

Message me.

[bethelbee in reply to Blw646]

It is not advised to have someone message you unless you get to know that person better. Just a warning because there have been too many 'situations' on this site.

[Zyxx in reply to bethelbee]

What kind of situations, bethel? Someone messages me this morning and I’ve already answered…

[bethelbee in reply to Zyxx]

People have been harassed, taken advantage of. Not saying it will definitely happen but it has on here. There were at least a few instances. Never give out your personal information.

[Chest1]

have you tried chatting with your GP or one of the advice phone lines? Sounds like you need support from an individual, therapy, medication or combination.

[SsgCulldelight]

Hey I don't know u and don't think you know that you why want that. First you don't know what death is, you only know your life experience is hard, heavy and difficult without your wife's physical presence. You know what you feel and that is challenging to you, besides it's not your time. It may be your decision but the universe has the last word on that unless you decide to make a move. Love yourself and keep doing things that you can do to divert your attention away from the loneliness. Love your self and this that love you and be strong, your life is precious and magnificent. Stay with us please. ❤️

[froggymom88]

Dear Honzad.Once I wanted to die and even planned to do it But instead of going through with it, I turned my life over to God. I prayed diligently every day and trusted that the things people told me about Jesus were true. It took a couple of years of prayers and working on myself to see great changes in myself but they came. Never give up. I will be praying for you. God bless you.

[LoverLavender]

I am sorry that you are feeling this way. I have these same feelings often about not wanting to be in this world. It is so hard to explain how I am feeling to those that don’t have these same feelings. I am glad that I have someone that is out there that feels the same way that I feel.

[anonymous_on_here in reply to LoverLavender]

Don't worry! Things will get better.

[LoverLavender in reply to anonymous_on_here]

Thank you.

[TakiTaki]

Love seeing all the caring responses on the site - they are spot on. I will take a different tact though - did she provide a reason? Sometimes the person is going through some life crisis and feel they need to 'find themselves'. What I am getting at is that it is not something to beat yourself up over - people come to a cross-roads and feel the grass is greener somewhere else and it usually isn't. Stay strong and understand you are not alone.

[anonymous_on_here]

Don't worry! Things will get better.

[Zyxx in reply to anonymous_on_here]

Well….but he just said it’s already been three years and things didn’t get better

[Honzad]

Thanks for all the advice and comments. I've tried many of the things recommended (volunteering, ParkRun, exercise, etc.) I keep busy in the day - but then the evening comes around and I miss her more than ever. Anyway, I appreciate the warmth and compassion in these comments. One day at a time...

[blimpsgo180 in reply to Honzad]

Maybe when the evening comes, if you catch yourself thinking about her, stop, and deliberately think about something else.

I’m not saying you’re not allowed to think about her, but too much rumination can be a bad thing.

[san_ray70]

I was in the same boat, but I left my husband when I found out he had been with other women all our married life. I was very low, then I joined a singles club for friendship. You can not just live for others live for yourself. I re married when I was over 50 and have never been happier. Good luck and take care of your self.