What else can I do?

Hello. I'm new here. I'm going through quite a bit right now which I imagine many of us are. I've had some sort of issue with anxiety/worry/overthinking for a long time I guess, but I thought it was how everyone was. Add that onto major body image issues due to being obese part of my life to having a gastric bypass and getting much thinner. I don't always see myself on the thinner side and I'm very critical of myself, my weight, etc. I honestly think it has heightened my anxiety tremendously. Now, last week my husband of just shy of 3 years, but partner as of 12 years says he wants to separate. Many of the remarks he brought up have to do with showing him enough respect, speaking nicely to him, nagging or being critical. It makes my heart so sad because I know what he's talking about. My anxiety can make me be very irritable and critical and he has to deal with it :( We've been going through a rough patch since the start of December where he told me some issues he was having, but never mentioned separating just being friends while "I get myself happier". My anxiety was high then and settled as I started taking some calming powders like magnesium and instinol. I've been taking holy basil, tryptophan, theanine and some other amino acids as well. Ever since he told me this last week I feel like I've had an anxiety attack at least every hour when I'm awake sometimes more then that in an hour. The worse part of it is he is completely unwilling to try and work it out. So I've been sleeping in the guest room for a few nights. It's so odd because he says I can stay for however long I want, we carpool to work still, share a bank account. I feel like I spend all my time analyzing what may happen. I was told I need to lose my expectations, but I have no idea how to do that.

I'm going to therapy (she is a LMFT), I went to a general doctor on Friday and he prescribed me Lexapro liquid form (gastric bypass patient) 10mg for the first week then 20mg after. How long does it take to see if it helps? A couple of weeks? I've been reading self help books, trying to learn to meditate/self hypnosis for positive body affirmations, going to my therapist, taking my vitamins/supplements, eating healthy, working out. What else can I do? Do I need to see another type of doctor/therapist? Any suggestions would be great.

I know when you are going through a separation you are heart broken generally and upset so being anxious is probably normal, but this feels so intense it's pretty unbearable. I'm at work right now and my muscles are so tense I just want to lay down to rest. I hate this feeling :(

3 Replies

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  • I'm sorry you are going through such a rough patch. It's very hard to be told you are at the end of a relationship and he doesn't even want to try to work things out. The good news is he's not expecting you to move out right away. But I'd be careful about sharing the bank account. That's a tricky area.

    Typically Lexapro needs 4-6 weeks to show if it's going to work for you. With a gastric bypass you typically have lost your small intestine which is where you absorb your nutrition and drugs. Ask your surgeon if he saved any part of your small intestine and how much you can absorb drugs and nutrition. Hopefully he'll be honest with you. This is why gastric bypasses are being modified or not being performed at all these days. I just don't want you wasting your money on drugs you can't absorb. The real proof is going to be in the results you get.

    You may feel results of the Lexipro any time now but it won't be the full results until 4-6 weeks out. Some side effects may occur but may also subside by the 6 week mark. 20 mg may need increasing if you feel good and then that feeling fades. You might want to keep a log of how you feel for the next few weeks. It's actually a good idea to keep daily records of how your anxiety and depression are for the next few months until you settle into a routine.

    A psychiatrist is preferable to a GP because meds can be tricky and psych Drs. are fully trained in managing meds for mental health needs and GPs are not. A psychiatrist is also skilled in diagnosing types of anxiety and depression and a GP may misdiagnose what hopefully a psych Dr. won't miss. I wish you good health and happiness.

  • Thank you SueSz. I appreciate your feedback. I think I will set an appointment with psychiatrist just to get another opinion. I usually can absorb things in liquid or powder form so I will give it a try for the 4-6 initial weeks. I'm checking back in with the doctor in about 3 weeks.

  • Sounds good! I'd love to hear how you're doing in a few weeks.

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