Struggling with Panic, Anxiety and Depression

[ashes2evil]

Hi,I am nee to this group. I've been struggling with Anxiety and Panic disorder since I was 11/12 years old. It would come and go. Last year around May during my last semester in undergrad It peaked, I thought something was wrong with my heart. Drs ran tests, ekgs etc and they said it was just Panic attacks. It eventually calmed down until this year, I was teaching and it was a stressful job where I had no support. I began having these intense panic attacks again and I couldn't go to work. I could hardly sleep. Again I thought something was wrong with me. I was in and out of Drs and ERs. All kinds of blood tests, EKGs, x-rays and they Again said I was fine. I did a Partial Hospitalization Program on zoom for 4 weeks and eventually I started feeling better. I got married recently and then my husband went out of town for the weekend, also my cat is sick and I have to put him down Friday. My depression and anxiety has gotten bad again, yesterday I cried all day. Today I started feeling my heart racing and that freaked me out badly. I'm tired of feeling this way. I am looking for some support groups or zoom meetings where I can talk to people who feel the sameway as me.

[BlueAgave]

Welcome ashes2evil. I've found this group to be very supportive. I know that nami.org has some support groups, just put in your state and it will tell you about them. So sorry to hear about your cat. That sure is a difficult thing to do, but you know it's the best to keep him from suffering. My husband and I had to put one of our dogs down in April and it was very difficult, but we try and remember all the joy she brought us and the fact she's at peace. I wish you peace and comfort for Friday. Chat with us anytime ❤️

[ashes2evil in reply to BlueAgave]

Thank you for responding. I guess I'm just scared I'm going to get bad again. I don't want to have constant panic attacks and scared of everything again.

[BlueAgave in reply to ashes2evil]

It sounds like you've got a lot going on right now that would cause anyone to be on edge. I totally understand how you're feeling, like oh no, here we go again! I'm not sure if you've tried individual therapy, but that could be helpful to learn how to deal with these episodes and help change your thought patterns. It will be okay, I know you can get through this. Maybe you can lean on your husband for some support too. We are also here for you.

[ashes2evil in reply to BlueAgave]

I'm trying to get into therapy, I find out tomorrow if the place I did my assessment can take me or if they have to refer me out, I really hope they can take me and start immediately. I do lean on my husband for support but he also doesn't really understand panic disorder and such so he tries his best but says it gets frustrating cause I can be normal one minute then crying or panicky the next and he doesn't know what to do. He tries but I feel bad for relying on him so much at times.

[BlueAgave in reply to ashes2evil]

I really hope you can get the therapy quickly, too. I'm switching therapists. The last one just didn't turn out to be a good fit after a while. My appointment is next week. I understand about your husband, but maybe once you're established with a therapist, he can talk to them about ways to help support you. Just a thought. It's tough when the closest people to us don't understand what it's like, and it's so difficult to explain.

[ashes2evil in reply to BlueAgave]

They did ask me if I would be interested in having family meet to learn how to be supportive so I hope that is something they actually do.

I was able to go to the grocery store but at first I started getting anxious and wanted to leave but I stuck it out. I rewarded myself with some cute PJs.

[BlueAgave in reply to ashes2evil]

That's great! All the little wins count! Some days I have to force myself out of the house, even if I just run my car through the car wash. At least I'm seeing daylight and people around. It keeps getting better.

[ashes2evil in reply to BlueAgave]

That's a good idea. I do need to wash my car

[BlueAgave in reply to ashes2evil]

Lol, there's always something small you can do.

[ashes2evil in reply to BlueAgave]

I try to go sit outside everyday but there isn't people around so I definitely need to do something where more people are around or I'll get to the bad spot where being around people freaks me out.

[Dolphin14]

ashes2evil

Welcome to the community. I hope you find the support you need here, we certainly all understand your struggles.

I love how you made it through the grocery store and then rewarded yourself! Great job.

🐬

[ashes2evil in reply to Dolphin14]

Thank you 😊 I need to be more caring to myself. I tend to be harsh on myself especially when in a bad headspace

[Dolphin14 in reply to ashes2evil]

That's very common for us so it is great to see you know how to be kind to yourself Nothing like a new pair of PJ, great pick