I dont know what else to do. - Anxiety and Depre...

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I dont know what else to do.

Dolphins42 profile image

Im 18 with 2 kids i love my kids to death and thats why im doing this. Ive always been used to being alone or not having just someone to talk to thats how I've been my whole life up until a few months ago. When I first started feeling this bad, this depressed, I just let it eat at me because what am i supposed to do? My family dont talk to me besides my grandma and she's never been understanding in fact my 7 year old cousin tell me he hears voices telling him to hurt hisself, i tell her and she yelled at him blames him called him names and threw a bunch of stuff we got her for mothers day out the door. My boyfriend, father of my kids, he showed me what it looks like when someone just doesnt care and when i see that with the person whos supposed to be there to talk to and to bring me up it makes me lose myself even more because he sees how much im hurting ive went to him begging for help while i was crying i told him how alone and i just want to stop feeling everything. Time after time i get ignored the way he ignores me when i try to talk to him i didnt know someone could take it to that extent but he does every day i wish i was over exaggerating but im not and its killing me.

16 Replies

Are you all in Lock Down in the same property ? Dolphin.

If so and living in England you are able to go out for a walk in a park or even on the beach within your area, you can also use the car for short distances to go for a walk

It is nice to get outside for a time to get some fresh air and calm our mood. I would imagine if the house is full of people who have restricted access it must be terrible. Do you have any type of garden you could sit in, that can also help

BOB

No we're not on lock down. I stay home with my kids and 3 cousin while my grandma and boyfriend work. Day care is to expensive and no one will babysit long enough to take a shower. I stay overwhelmed and depressed its all i ever feel anymore but i have to keep it to myself for the kids and my cousins im the only mom theyve ever had and theyre old enough to understand so I dont want them seeing me depressed this way.

Dolphins

We all are who we are, although if we have a Mental Health Concern it shows in your situation you are doing well. Being with the young will in many ways keep your mood more positive as they will hopefully be able to divert your thoughts so you make yourself that much more positive

Stay safe, keep a hold

BOB

Hello and welcome.

I am so sorry you are going through all of this.

Have you thought about contacting an organisation or helpline for some help? You could phone a helpline for someone to talk to now , anonymously if you prefer.

How are you feeling now? I've only just seen this but notice you posted 3 hours ago.

Wish I could come over and help - with a big hug to begin with.

Sending love ❤️

& Thinking of You

xx

I haven't yet but i have thought about it. I have a hard time talking to people because ive always kept it to myself and honestly i dont know where i would start or how id make the words out of my mouth. And now well i tried talking to him again he literally acted like i wasn't there he ignored me. I got upset tried to give him an ultimatum told him if hes gonna keeping pushing me away to just go. He got his clothes up and i sat in front of the door trying to tell him i just wanted him to talk to me and help me not feel like i am nothing words were said im to blame and even though i wrestled him again trying to get him to stay he left. For 2 years everynight mad or not fighting or not he has been in the bed near me. A few days ago was the first time since the 2 years that he in the bed bc he got mad and left over the same thing. I was scared i felt so alone it was unbearable i have never felt that hurt i freaked out couldnt breath shaking and i didnt sleep at all. So he left again tonight i dont know what im gonna do or whats gonna happen i just cant do this anymore though

I thought you were in the UK but guessing now that you are in the US?

I also thought you only had your own two children to care for but it seems like you are being used for child care for your three younger cousins who are in your Grandma's care?

Didn't realise that you live with your Grandma. This must be so difficult. Especially as she isn't understanding.

In fact, the way she behaved when she heard of your 7 year old cousin hearing voices is unacceptable. Totally unacceptable. She should not have yelled at him, blamed him or called him names. Sorry she threw all your Mother's Day gifts out.

She's not well enough herself to care for your cousins is she? Sounds like she's trying to keep the family together but just cannot cope?

Does she also work full time? Is it a stressful job?

Do you think you should contact some organisation for some support ? Before the situation gets any worse?

Is there as an organisation that would help you get a place of your own and give you continued support ? Such as a Domestic Abuse Charity?

You must be exhausted. I think you need a couple of good night's sleep and a day to yourself when you can just rest and get some peace. Some space. Then you can think things through.

How old is the oldest cousin? Are your cousins in school during the day? Is it a school holiday now?

I was wondering if you could get out for a while if the weather is fine. Could you manage all five children on your own for a short outing? Is there a park nearby?

Have you considered phoning your doctor?

When your Grandma comes home from work could you ask her to watch the children for half an hour while you take a shower?

This can't go on can it?

You need some personal space, a nice relaxing shower, some sleep and some nice food.

When feeling refreshed a little, you can start thinking things through and. decide a way forward.

xx

Im not gonna be able to answer all that lol. But shes about to get sent off in a couple of months to a bootcamp and if i dont take care of my cousins theyll go into child services and i dont want that for them and yeah that sounds nice but itd also be nice to use the bathroom alone to.

If you can find an organisation that will give you support so that you can keep all the children together. Make initial calls / enquiries anonymously?

What's your local Church or Chapel like?

Hi Dolphins42, I am very sorry about what you are going through. Reading about your situation really touched my heart. I have a kid and I know exactly what you mean when you say that you are reaching out for them. I am a single mom, I know what feeling lonely is like. I'm glad to hear that you have your grandma to talk to. Having someone that really listens makes a huge difference. Sometimes the way men and women think and perceive thing is so different that relationships can suffer because of misunderstandings.

I want to share something I found that helps me every time I feel lonely or anxious:

“Do not be anxious over anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication along with thanksgiving, let your petitions be made known to God; and the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and your mental powers by means of Christ Jesus.”

Philippians 4:6, 7 jw.org/en/library/bible/stu...

I see this as an antidote recipe for anxiety and sadness coming to us straight from our designer's manual. When we supplicate God for help, and made him our confidant, He will give us what we need, including a "peace that surpasses all understanding that will guard our hearts and our mental powers". Imagine that!

I hope this helps you find peace, calm and gives you a little bit of inspiration and a starting point for recovery.

Hang in there, Love,

A friend.

Dear Dolphins42,

May I suggest that you make an appointment with a free clinic for a depression evaluation? Or, call a mental health crisis line? You sound like you can’t get help from family, so need some agency assistance. Catholic Charities, Help me Grow, case management through your health insurance/Medicaid if you have it is. All these things are free.A community action agency or community center Salvation Army food bank may be able to hook you up with social services to support you. They usually have a social worker on staff.

It is hard to support yourself with one child, much less five kiddos who see you making it work for them. Keep doing the best you can. Keep reaching out, keep eating, stay hydrated, know there are others going through the same stuff.

Take photos and videos of the kids being cute. Dress them up and play make believe with them. Ask them to pretend to be cats one day, then dogs the next.

While waiting for doctors appointments, plan short videos of the kids pretending to be trees, flowers birds anything to distract you from dwelling on your strong feelings.

Don’t get me wrong, your feelings are so important, but the kids are probably just happy to have a loving adult paying attention to them. Balancing it all is so hard and you are doing your best without enough guidance.

Each county in the US has jobs and family services for medical, snap food and employment help. WIC (Women’s infant children) provides some parenting assistance education and nutritional assistance for kids under five. All agencies that can help for free. Help me Grow gives assessments for development to make sure your kids are on track for their ages. If your kids do have developmental delays, they can arrange for preschool (if the pandemic is over) Preschool was a break time for me so I could learn to take care of myself.

I wish you luck. Don’t give up and don’t take no for an answer from agencies that run on taxpayer money. They exist for you.

X

Dolphins42 profile image
Dolphins42 in reply to WickNeo

Thank you for that. And well right now i cant go into an appt Because id atleast have to take my kids and with this virus they wont let kids in so im trying to manage it myself but idk. Ive never reached out for anything much less to talk about feelings so im still learning how to do all of this.

WickNeo profile image
WickNeo in reply to Dolphins42

I hope you’re coping ok. I’m hoping you were able to make some phone calls about getting services. Now that everyone is working from home, the intake people are too, so you shouldn’t have to worry about taking kids in to appointments with you.

When my three boys were little, I remember that overwhelming feeling of not having space, time, complete sentences, uninterrupted phone calls...

I just wanted to check in to say hi.

My boyfriend does about the same says I'm a broken record he just doesn't get it either

I have had alot of therapy.

It just someday nice to hear and know I'm not alone in depression

Yeah it's tough when your loved ones don't understand

I'm told to just shake it off move on

Mary-intussuception profile image
Mary-intussuception in reply to

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