Hopeless

Hello everyone...We'll I have struggled with anxiety and depression the majority of my life but it seems that after the birth of my last child it has intensified. I wouldn't say it's postpartum depression but simply all of my old demons coming out to haunt me. I thought I had worked through it before and now it is just disheartening that it's back. I see it affecting me in all aspects of life, I feel like I am letting my kids and spouse down because I have no patience or any desire to interact with them. I feel like a complete shell at this point, nothing makes me happy and I hate it because I know I have been truly blessed with a great husband and 3 beautiful children. I simply find myself involuntary unattaching myself from all of them and just wanting to runaway to be alone. I have no energy or drive to wake up but I push myself fir them but I just feel so guilty and awful for my inner feelings. I have tried medication in the past and had a really bad experience and have even tried homeopathic remedies to no avail. I am in no way suicidal or want to hurt anyone I just want to be alone. I am at the point that I really don't know what to do, everything just feels so hopeless.

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  • Hello , You're in a tough spot, but it's probably fixable. I raised three and was going through anxiety and panic attacks at the same time. Which doesn't make me an expert, but it does make me sympathetic . Your husband, who I'm sure is a wonderful man, is going to have to kick in a little more. I'm getting ahead of myself here, first talk to your Doctor your hormones could be out of wack so find out if there is a physical problem. Next you have 3 now and you are older so it might be a little harder.Now that I've insulted you lets go back to your husband. I would pay a 12 yr. old to come play with my kids in my house, so I could fix dinner in peace. Sometimes I even combed my hair. After dinner one of us cleaned the kitchen and one of us cleaned the kids.Happy day it's bed time. I book for 3 kids, you get a deal there. One night a week I would go out with the girls, it was usually to a yoga class and then a coffee. It made such a difference. Sat. mornings we went through the house like mack trucks doing heavy cleaning at noon we stopped and did family things for the rest of the weekend. Bike rides, picnics , we had little money. This may not fix your issue but it won't hurt it either. You sound tired and weary . Seriously talk to your spouse , friends, and family. You don't want this to get worse and it doesn't have to. Pam

  • Sad

    You do not mention age, or if your past birth was a good or bad experience. Consider why your problems have returned

    Talk to your GP regards this, sometimes after a change in life, a birth people can have low mood although you need to work that out yourself with the help of a CPN or GP.

    Make a list of your problems, make a double appointment with your Surgery and refer to your list as you discuss your problems.

    We are now in the Summer and in the UK the Winter was damp and cold, some people are still suffering SAD. We live in the North East/Scottish Border and summer has not really arrived yet.

    Try and get out and about with all the family for walks and other activities you all enjoy, if you are stuck in home and never get out as you are always busy with housework a change is as good as a rest.

    Whatever you do make your appointments

    BOB

  • Hello, I'm sorry you are feeling hopeless. It's one of the worst feelings in the world. But, you're smart and done the right thing by reaching out for help. That takes courage, you've also been so honest in describing how you feel. You've been so brave and truthful. Thank you.

    The previous advice is spot on and I'm hoping you will see GP etc

    My response is just to remind you that as a person who has previously had depression and anxiety, you may fear a repeat of that experience and so feeling the way you do reminds you of that time. That's ok. It's ok to have negative feelings and emotions and it doesn't need to be a relapse. (I'm not saying you aren't depressed though so see GP) But because you know what is like, you worry about how your feeling, you start over thinking again and it becomes a cycle of negative thinking etc

    Things like CBT and mindfulness can help stop these thoughts and restore a bit of emotional balance.

    In my opinion, not that I know except from personal experience, I believe if you have had depression before it automatically means your resilience is reduced. I think your feel good chemicals and all the synapses in your brain were permanently damaged by the stress of that. This doesn't mean you'll always be depressed or needing meds but rather you may need to ensure that you get lots of positive experiences in your life to keep your brain balanced. If that makes sense, because the negative experiences are more harmful now to you because naturally you don't have the same store of serotonin or dopamine or whatever chemical was depleted by the stress all those years ago.

    I'm trying to say it's a physical thing- not your fault etc. Like a previously broken bone healed but not quite as strong as before. So you need exercises to build it up.

    In this case, after depression it's important to get as much joy and happiness in your life again. This comes from looking after yourself and being the person you are.

    I hope I am making sense.

    Take care and keep posting. There is hope xxx

  • Also motherhood ain't a walk in the park. Toughest job being a parent. Lots of people feel exhausted by it both mentally, physically and emotionally. How you are feeling may just be a result of all the hard work. It's ok to feel as you do, I've been there. There is so much pressure on us to appear happy and fulfilled as a mother when really just having kids isn't a source of happiness in itself. We love our children but they don't complete us and very often seem just to highlight our failings! But that's just parenting - I've learnt so much through it. I've said that to my daughter she has taught me so much about myself.

    So don't beat yourself up about how you feel. It is normal!

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