Hopeless

[Sadsoul29]

Hello everyone...We'll I have struggled with anxiety and depression the majority of my life but it seems that after the birth of my last child it has intensified. I wouldn't say it's postpartum depression but simply all of my old demons coming out to haunt me. I thought I had worked through it before and now it is just disheartening that it's back. I see it affecting me in all aspects of life, I feel like I am letting my kids and spouse down because I have no patience or any desire to interact with them. I feel like a complete shell at this point, nothing makes me happy and I hate it because I know I have been truly blessed with a great husband and 3 beautiful children. I simply find myself involuntary unattaching myself from all of them and just wanting to runaway to be alone. I have no energy or drive to wake up but I push myself fir them but I just feel so guilty and awful for my inner feelings. I have tried medication in the past and had a really bad experience and have even tried homeopathic remedies to no avail. I am in no way suicidal or want to hurt anyone I just want to be alone. I am at the point that I really don't know what to do, everything just feels so hopeless.

[sweetiepye]

Hello , You're in a tough spot, but it's probably fixable. I raised three and was going through anxiety and panic attacks at the same time. Which doesn't make me an expert, but it does make me sympathetic . Your husband, who I'm sure is a wonderful man, is going to have to kick in a little more. I'm getting ahead of myself here, first talk to your Doctor your hormones could be out of wack so find out if there is a physical problem. Next you have 3 now and you are older so it might be a little harder.Now that I've insulted you lets go back to your husband. I would pay a 12 yr. old to come play with my kids in my house, so I could fix dinner in peace. Sometimes I even combed my hair. After dinner one of us cleaned the kitchen and one of us cleaned the kids.Happy day it's bed time. I book for 3 kids, you get a deal there. One night a week I would go out with the girls, it was usually to a yoga class and then a coffee. It made such a difference. Sat. mornings we went through the house like mack trucks doing heavy cleaning at noon we stopped and did family things for the rest of the weekend. Bike rides, picnics , we had little money. This may not fix your issue but it won't hurt it either. You sound tired and weary . Seriously talk to your spouse , friends, and family. You don't want this to get worse and it doesn't have to. Pam

[Hidden]

Sad

You do not mention age, or if your past birth was a good or bad experience. Consider why your problems have returned

Talk to your GP regards this, sometimes after a change in life, a birth people can have low mood although you need to work that out yourself with the help of a CPN or GP.

Make a list of your problems, make a double appointment with your Surgery and refer to your list as you discuss your problems.

We are now in the Summer and in the UK the Winter was damp and cold, some people are still suffering SAD. We live in the North East/Scottish Border and summer has not really arrived yet.

Try and get out and about with all the family for walks and other activities you all enjoy, if you are stuck in home and never get out as you are always busy with housework a change is as good as a rest.

Whatever you do make your appointments

BOB

[DMM218 Ambassador]

Hello, I'm sorry you are feeling hopeless. It's one of the worst feelings in the world. But, you're smart and done the right thing by reaching out for help. That takes courage, you've also been so honest in describing how you feel. You've been so brave and truthful. Thank you.

The previous advice is spot on and I'm hoping you will see GP etc

My response is just to remind you that as a person who has previously had depression and anxiety, you may fear a repeat of that experience and so feeling the way you do reminds you of that time. That's ok. It's ok to have negative feelings and emotions and it doesn't need to be a relapse. (I'm not saying you aren't depressed though so see GP) But because you know what is like, you worry about how your feeling, you start over thinking again and it becomes a cycle of negative thinking etc

Things like CBT and mindfulness can help stop these thoughts and restore a bit of emotional balance.

In my opinion, not that I know except from personal experience, I believe if you have had depression before it automatically means your resilience is reduced. I think your feel good chemicals and all the synapses in your brain were permanently damaged by the stress of that. This doesn't mean you'll always be depressed or needing meds but rather you may need to ensure that you get lots of positive experiences in your life to keep your brain balanced. If that makes sense, because the negative experiences are more harmful now to you because naturally you don't have the same store of serotonin or dopamine or whatever chemical was depleted by the stress all those years ago.

I'm trying to say it's a physical thing- not your fault etc. Like a previously broken bone healed but not quite as strong as before. So you need exercises to build it up.

In this case, after depression it's important to get as much joy and happiness in your life again. This comes from looking after yourself and being the person you are.

I hope I am making sense.

Take care and keep posting. There is hope xxx

[DMM218 Ambassador in reply to DMM218]

Also motherhood ain't a walk in the park. Toughest job being a parent. Lots of people feel exhausted by it both mentally, physically and emotionally. How you are feeling may just be a result of all the hard work. It's ok to feel as you do, I've been there. There is so much pressure on us to appear happy and fulfilled as a mother when really just having kids isn't a source of happiness in itself. We love our children but they don't complete us and very often seem just to highlight our failings! But that's just parenting - I've learnt so much through it. I've said that to my daughter she has taught me so much about myself.

So don't beat yourself up about how you feel. It is normal!

[Marz21]

I stopped when read this as I feel very similar, but also bit different to previous episodes of depression I've experienced. I'm up and down and detached. I can't seem to work out what's going on this time, wondered if could be just different set of circumstances because I no longer work and couldn't continue with part time at college after falling behind, not coping with ways they gave me to catch up. I have thoughts on just sleeping and never waking back up and I feel very guilty all the time for my children and overall about my lack of ability. I am trying to use my experience of CBT to help. I did make a doc appt but missed it when my daughter ill and I was more worn out.

I'm 41 and my youngest is 2, she is really a great wee thing, been amazing company to me when I can't do so much going out which would perhaps have been of help in past. I've Arthritis connected to Ulcerative Colitis, which is the main reason behind no job or college. Having our daughter had my symptoms at bay for a good while and I felt worn out having a new baby but was doing well until last year. I stopped breastfeeding and some pains returned so back building up on medications. I did sign up for evening art classes which I do love. I was doing an art & design course at college but illustration is my love. Unfortunately I dont drive and am so tired or sore later in the day I haven't always made it to the class. My partner can be practical, changing nappies/doing bath time twice a week and does go shopping as he drives but needs me to prompt him for most things so I never really get to switch off. He says he is no good on DIY & he recently decided to buy our council house but it needs s lot of attention. In particular we have dilapidated kitchen which I can really struggle with so sitting at home surrounded by things I can't sort out or have him sort out gets me down.

I often don't shower or dress myself daily when it's just a huge effort & getting the wee one organised & kept happy takes it all out of me. I don't have friends anymore, one close friend fell out with me completely when I couldn't give her my time and sadly our mutual friends fell at the wayside. I find it hard to trust people since all that made it feel worse. I can't be relied upon to be fit enough to meet up so making new friends isn't for me, unless they can understand, like in support groups i.e if they have similar issues...Ulcerative Colitis, Rheumatoid Arthritis and Depression/anxiety.

I feel sad writing all this down but I'm having probably my worst weekend to date this time round since my wee one born. My partner has gone for 3 day weekend with stays he booked in a hotel for overnights so he can go to a Beer company AGM and other pub time around it. He bought shares in the company recently and seems obsessed. I explained I am struggling physically and mentally and asked him to just go two days meaning only one night away, as I worried I couldn't cope and be totally useless for our children today, but he just lost patience and went anyway. I had to text him last night to come out of a pub to phone our kids to say night. Our older daughter is 8 and was missing him. I don't know if I actually miss him, just feel totally worn out and upset that beer takes precedence over our children's well being, but then I also feel guilty as he probably wanted something to look forward to away from what we have. He said before going while angry we could have been to the city with him, but he and I know he is not great with alcohol, gets nasty and difficult more often than not if has too much so it wouldn't be anything good if he got that way. Not something I want to take risks on with our children. He drinks a lot here too, beers mostly every night. It's led to problems between us in past, but I adjusted my life to make it better. Stopped going out with him, poured drinks down drain even. I came home from evening class to him drunk a few times when I managed to go. I'm only away 2-3 hours, I make sure kids are fed and our eldest has homework sorted first. All he usually has to do is put them to bed and be there for them til I'm back. Is sober too much to ask. It's the only time I am alone all week. It's now also put me off going. I'm not sure if things are completely negative or am I seeing them more negatively because I feel unwell or are they making me worse. I am going to call doctor on Monday. Got through one night without him. Am not showered or dressed yet, but just going to.